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Did you always know you wanted kids?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Cluckin'Along, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. Cluckin'Along

    Cluckin'Along Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Mar 12, 2009
    Exeter, RI
    Hello Everyone! [​IMG]

    I am going through a rough bit of soul searching and relationship woes, and was looking for some broader insight... Kids or not, is a major dividing issue with myself and my SO, he wants nothing to do with kids. We are trying to decide if our lives will work together (major 4yr rocky road to this point) and I just can't write kids out of the picture and I feel it is selfish to try to convince him otherwise. I am just lost, I thought for a while that I did not want children, but as I get older I think about it more, and wonder if I am even fit to be a parent? I am not planning to jump right in, but I am trying to plan a future(like that ever works [​IMG] ). So my questions to y'all are;
    Did you always want kids?
    Did you discover after being married/committed that you wanted kids? Or is it something that developed with the marriage/relationship?
    Or, did you decide early on that you never wanted kids but changed you mind later in life?
    On the flipside, why didn't you want kids?
    I am an only child, so I don't have any brother or sisters to ask this of, and I think my parents are a little biased on the subject.. [​IMG] ... so Y'all get to be stand in family! [​IMG] I am generally looking for insight and how you came about deciding, or not, to have kids! Thank you to everyone for anything you can tell me!

    -Z
     
  2. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    I never wanted kids. Until I got pregnant. Thankfully, I was married at the time so I didn't have that dilema to deal with. I had one child and had my tubes tied. I know my limits.

    As far as your situation goes, I can tell you this much: If he absolutely does not want kids and you are undecided, it most likely won't work out in the long run. If you do have kids, he will resent it and if you don't have kids, you will resent it.

    ETA: There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting kids. It is just a major life decision that two partners need to agree on.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2010
  3. mom'sfolly

    mom'sfolly Overrun With Chickens

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    Austin area, Texas
    I wasn't sure I wanted kids for a long time, but decided I did. I asked a lot of people some fairly invasive questions, one of which was "do you every wish you decided not to have children". I only had one person say they wished they hadn't had their child; not because the didn't love their child, but because of other issues. I did have another friend that wished their child had been a conscious choice rather than a "whoops" baby. He also said he couldn't imagine a world without his son in it, but if it had be an active choice, it may have been different.

    I've never wished I had made another choice, even though they drive me crazy sometimes. But this is a choice. For my sister, she chose a childless life because of her marital situation. She would have liked kids, but knew that she could not raise them with her husband. Their ideas about child raising were too radically different. She found a lifelong mate, and that was more important to her than having kids of her own.

    You have to decide what is most important to you, and work from that position. This isn't a situation you should change for anyone else, that would only foster resentment. If you want/need kids and he doesn't that doesn't give you a lot of working room.
     
  4. Katy

    Katy Flock Mistress

    I always wanted kids.
     
  5. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:I know people that have always wanted kids since they were children themselves, and now either have large families or are unable to have children. So sad that it swings that drastically.

    I also have two friends of mine that decided, with their partners, not to have kids for their own reasons. They knew that they didn't have the patience to deal with the raising of a child. When people make a decision not to have kids because of their own downfalls, that makes them responsible people in my eyes.
     
  6. Joz

    Joz Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 8, 2009
    MidCity, New Orleans
    Since I was 9 I said NO KIDS. Haven't been interested since... until last year, as I turned 32. Now a dear friend has a son, and I'm a Godmother, and I'm both glad I haven't, AND, want to have a kid. I guess I've still got a couple years to finish my house, get health insurance, and make the decision. But if I can't/don't, I'm not going to be torn up about it... and if I decide in spite of that I MUST have a child, I'll adopt.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2010
  7. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:Aw hon there is always time. My best friend had her first and only child when she was 45.
     
  8. Cluckin'Along

    Cluckin'Along Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Mar 12, 2009
    Exeter, RI
    Quote:I know people that have always wanted kids since they were children themselves, and now either have large families or are unable to have children. So sad that it swings that drastically.

    I also have two friends of mine that decided, with their partners, not to have kids for their own reasons. They knew that they didn't have the patience to deal with the raising of a child. When people make a decision not to have kids because of their own downfalls, that makes them responsible people in my eyes.

    Thank you Debira, That is kind of My sentiment too, I really do know that My SO is not cut out to raise kids, I am just trying to figure out if I am, and if so, is that more important than my current relationship. I know it is a personal decision, but I guess I want to know how it has worked out for others?

    Thank You all for sharing with me!
     
  9. MandyH

    MandyH You'll shoot your eye out!

    I never wanted kids and after I got married the doctors told me I wouldn't be able to have any. Now I have a 4 year old and am on 3 medications LOL!!!!!!
     
  10. Robin'sBrood

    Robin'sBrood Flock Mistress

    May 8, 2008
    North Carolina
    I don't remember actually wanting kids, but I've had them for 1/2 of my life, so I can't imagine not having them. Did I ever think I'd have 5... no way!

    Cluckin'Along, you're smart to be taking this so seriously. I would imagine that it would put a HUGE strain on a relationship... better to know for sure. [​IMG]
     

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