Disorder in American Courts

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by HennysMom, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. HennysMom

    HennysMom Keeper of the Tiara

    ENJOY! [​IMG]

    Disorder in American Courts.


    These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said; published by court reporters who had the torment of not laughing while these exchanges were actually taking place.


    > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to
    > you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    >
    > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    >
    > WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    >
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
    > impact?
    > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    >
    >
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    >
    > WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    >
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
    > memory at all?
    > WITNESS: Yes.
    > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
    > memory?
    > WITNESS: I forget.
    > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
    > something you forgot?
    >
    > ___________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
    > involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.
    > ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    > WITNESS: We do.
    > ATTORNEY: You do?
    > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    >
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
    > dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    >
    > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    >
    >
    > ____________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNE
    > Y: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    >
    > WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
    >
    >
    > ___________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
    > taken?
    > WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
    >
    > _________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
    > August 8th?
    > WITNESS: Yes.
    > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    >
    > WITNESS: *I cant put the response here.. you figure it out*>
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    >
    > WITNESS: Yes.
    > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    > WITNESS: None
    > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    > WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
    > attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    >
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    >
    > WITNESS: By death.
    > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    >
    > WITNESS: Take a guess.
    >
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    >
    > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
    > beard.
    > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    >
    > WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
    > male.
    >
    > _____________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
    > to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
    > work.
    >
    > ______________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    > performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too
    > much of a fight.
    >
    > _________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
    > school did you go to?
    > WITNESS: Oral.
    >
    > _________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
    > body?
    > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
    > p.m.
    > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    >
    > WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I
    > finished.
    >
    > ____________________________________________
    >
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
    > sample?
    > WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
    >
    >
    > ______________________________________
    >
    >
    > And the
    > best for last.
    >
    > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
    > you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    > > WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    >
    > WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
    > alive when you began the autopsy?
    > WITNESS: No.
    > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    >
    > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
    > jar.
    > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
    > alive, nevertheless?
    > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
    > alive and practicing law.
     
  2. eggzettera

    eggzettera Chillin' With My Peeps

    I have seen that before but it is soooooo good that I still LOL [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  3. ruth

    ruth Life is a Journey

    4,273
    80
    271
    Jul 8, 2007
    Woodville, MS
    I laughed till I cried. Thanks - too funny.
     
  4. chickNjake

    chickNjake Chillin' With My Peeps

    435
    0
    129
    Sep 3, 2008
    east tn
    [​IMG] I'm sitting here just cracking up! everyone in the house is wondering whats wrong with me! [​IMG] I loved it, thanks!
     
  5. Ec_Prokta

    Ec_Prokta Continuum Shift Anomaly

    Jan 14, 2009
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] must... stop... laughing.... [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  6. jnjross

    jnjross Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 3, 2008
    edwards, ms
    oh i woke dd, [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  7. PamsPride

    PamsPride Chillin' With My Peeps

    496
    0
    129
    Nov 19, 2008
    OHIO
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] *tears in my eyes* LOL!!
     
  8. Nice to hear the lawyers are still at it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2009

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