Distancing from a "friend" - what would you do?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Chickerdoodle13, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. Chickerdoodle13

    Chickerdoodle13 The truth is out there...

    6,818
    319
    331
    Mar 5, 2007
    Phoenix, AZ
    I'm back for some of your awesome advice. I'm dealing with kind of an awkward situation lately and I'm at the point where I really don't know what to do. I'll describe the situation and perhaps you guys could tell me what you would do to deal with it.

    I've been friends with this person for four years. They have always been a somewhat secretive person and I was fine with that when I met them. However, lately it seems there have been more and more lies. Additionally, I've been getting a lot of "half-truths" as I call them. I do enjoy hanging out with this particular person and the group we usually go out with, but lately I feel like I've been missing something. Sort of like I've been told one thing, but the actions of this person says another. Also, I've been getting the feeling that this person is talking behind other people's backs and saying nasty things, yet they still spend time with the other person they've been talking nasty about. It gives me the feeling that they may be doing the same to me. Tuesday night this person told me a series of lies (don't lie to the daughter of a detective and expect I won't know the difference!) and it was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back. I feel I've given this person enough chances and even though I try to distance myself while still being friendly, I still get hurt when they lie.

    Now I face the real dilemma. I still have to see this person fairly often in classes and through other friends. I don't want to bring anything up to this person and I really don't even care if they know I'm upset. I've tried the "let's talk this out" approach before with this person and it just causes more trouble than it solves. I would really like to be done with this person and of course my mind keeps getting in the way and tells me I will miss their friendship, that we have fun together, etc. The rational part of my brain says this person is no good for me to be around and I agree with THAT part of my brain. However, this person still contacts me and invites me to do things. I'm at a loss of how to deal with the situation. Ignoring them will make having to see "this person" in any other circumstances uncomfortable.

    Luckily I only have one month until this person graduates. I have met some wonderful people recently who have really shown me what true friends look like. That is mostly what has really gotten my wheels turning on this. As of right now, I am open to any and all suggestions. I'm at a loss!
     
  2. Squishy

    Squishy Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 2, 2011
    Florida
    Is this person male or female? Maybe it wont make a difference, but maybe it might have a hand in their reaction...
     
  3. Buugette

    Buugette [IMG]emojione/assets/png/2665.png?v=2.2.7[/IMG]Cra

    May 26, 2009
    Bucks County, PA
    One month till graduation... you don't want to confront... then just wait it out. He/She will be gone soon enough.

    If it was me... I would confront, tell that person I am aware of the lies, I don't trust them anymore and prefer not to be friends. I would stress that I don't dislike them as a person, but do dislike some of their actions. At this point, no need to get into specifics because this person should know what you are talking about.

    Best of luck whatever you decide.

    D
     
  4. Chickerdoodle13

    Chickerdoodle13 The truth is out there...

    6,818
    319
    331
    Mar 5, 2007
    Phoenix, AZ
    It's a male friend. I think it makes it more difficult because this person just does not understand my reasoning for getting upset about things. That's why I don't want to even attempt talking to them about it because the past few times they just came to the conclusion I was crazy. I'm really kicking myself for even giving this "friend" another chance, but I do like to give people the benefit of doubt. It's difficult when you have to be friendly and civil on the outside even though you really feel unhappy about a certain person.

    This friend really changed after he joined a fraternity. Actually, a few of my other friends really changed after joining fraternities or sororities. In many cases, I got pushed to the side and then the lies and secrets started.
     
  5. Buff Hooligans

    Buff Hooligans Scrambled

    12,147
    73
    311
    Jun 11, 2007
    Quote:Well, then they won't mind if you stay on the side, or leave that social scene for one populated by truthful and trustworthy people who are better for you.
     
  6. Chickerdoodle13

    Chickerdoodle13 The truth is out there...

    6,818
    319
    331
    Mar 5, 2007
    Phoenix, AZ
    Quote:Well, then they won't mind if you stay on the side, or leave that social scene for one populated by truthful and trustworthy people who are better for you.

    Yep, that says it pretty clearly. It's basically how I feel. Just have to keep telling myself "only a month, only a month".
     
  7. eenie114

    eenie114 Completly Hopeless

    Quote:Well, then they won't mind if you stay on the side, or leave that social scene for one populated by truthful and trustworthy people who are better for you.

    Exactly. [​IMG]
     
  8. silkiechicken

    silkiechicken Staff PhD Premium Member

    Friends come and go... I just became too busy to hang out with certain groups of "friends" when it came to high school and undergrad stuff.
     
  9. vfem

    vfem Yoga...The Chicken Pose

    7,325
    15
    264
    Aug 4, 2008
    Fuquay Varina, NC
    Oh I would be so done with them without a second thought. I've had dealings with closer friends recently and friend who've I've been close to for YEARS and YEARS. It was hard to leave them behind, but it was the right thing to do. You don't sound too attached, and they obviously aren't quite important to your life now, or ever. I would just say to them, "I've found I've lost interest in our time together... and I feel its better that we just go our separate ways. Our lives are changing now anyways. Not saying I won't say HI when I see you, but I don't feel the need to make time to spend time together and our conversations are lacking to say the least. I do wish you the best though!"

    And... walk away! [​IMG]
     
  10. Chickerdoodle13

    Chickerdoodle13 The truth is out there...

    6,818
    319
    331
    Mar 5, 2007
    Phoenix, AZ
    Quote:Thanks for the advice [​IMG] I am a bit attached to this person as we have had quite a history together (Lots of good times and quite a bit of time spent together), which makes this more difficult. However, having found a group of people that are proving to be much better friends for me is making it easier. There's still always that little voice in the back of my mind saying "well, maybe..." but I know the right thing to do is put this person out of my life. It's not easy, but I am certainly more determined this time.
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by