Does anyone ever get tempted to cancel the holidays and just go away?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by HeatherLynn, Nov 25, 2010.

  1. HeatherLynn

    HeatherLynn Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Ok well I made a beautiful, huge dinner. The house was all nice a prettied up, even made use of the new sideboard. Candles burning, blah blah blah. The mood is set. My Brother in SIL arrive and that goes well. Her son and his newly pregnant wife arrive ( praying for a great niece) that goes well. Then comes the rest of the family who over all made the holiday into a living hell for everyone. My nephew and his wife are forever arguing. His wife also has issues with his mother. His mother ( my sister) is not a saint but she babysits, cleans their house, does laundry, and yardwork all for free for them pretty much every weekend and whenever she can during the week so why the hatred I don't know. But never the less they are all at it again. Apparently the nephew rather than deal with any of it went ahead and accepted another run ( truck driver) and is leaving out tonight so they are not with each other too much. It was horrible. So tense. I was sneaking shot glasses of my moms egg nog ( little egg lots of nog [​IMG] ) and even that did not help much. I still have my daughters first birthday and Christmas to get through. I never do family birthdays for my kids anymore because of family stress but I gave in this year because another SIL has complained that they really want to celebrate with us the kids birthdays. So I gave in. Now I am regretting it. The fighting is going to ruin it for me. Let me tell you rum and passion flower can only relax a person so much.

    I really wish for Christmas we could just cancel the whole yearly get together and just go away. Load my parents and the kids up and take of for the smokies, a cave, a bomb shelter....pretty much anywhere but here. I love Christmas. Its my favorite holiday but I am dreading it this year.
     
  2. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

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    My Coop
    Is there a rule that you must be together at Christmas?

    My brother lives here in town. We went to his place for Thanksgiving, it was the bomb. We all loved it. I'm almost in a food coma!

    BUT...we never spend Christmas together. It's always a private small family thing for us.... but I suppose with 7 kids, it will get larger with time.
     
  3. DuckLady

    DuckLady ~~~Administrator~~~BYC Store Support Staff Member

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    It's ok to step back once in a while and just say "We are going to have Thanksgiving on our own this year."

    Or do what I did one year. Nailed a sign on the door that says, "Today is a day of Thanks. Not your drama, not your arguing. Arguing parties and those who insist on starting debates on politics and religion may eat in the coop."
     
  4. Knock Kneed Hen

    Knock Kneed Hen California Dream'in Chickens

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    Yes! I'm now a JW.....[​IMG]
     
  5. Imp

    Imp All things share the same breath- Chief Seattle

    So sorry,

    We had this conversation at work today.

    I said:

    "There's a reason I live 1000 miles away from family."

    Imp- haven't even talked to them.
     
  6. speckledhen

    speckledhen Intentional Solitude Premium Member

    Dumped the holidays years ago when our sons were kids. Never looked back. We don't feel we must do something we don't like. or approve of, or that stresses us out just because someone else-family, the world, whoever-thinks we should. So, we don't participate in anything of the sort anymore. It's very freeing, really. Do what you want and forget what everyone else thinks.
     
  7. FrancesR

    FrancesR Out Of The Brooder

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    It's your house and you set the rules: No arguments, no raised voices, no unkind words, no subjects for discussion that start fights.

    Call your house the clean air zone...only clean and kind words may be spoken or don't come in. Then enforce it. Really enforce it.

    After awhile, folks will either come and comply or stop showing up. Post the rules on the front door and in every room that will be used by company. Tell everyone ahead of time that these new rules are in effect. You are not taking sides with anyone...the only thing that matters is that in your house a certain standard of conduct will be adhered to. If someone forgets, tell them to immediately drop the subject or immediately leave...no hard feelings folks, just new rules for the clean air zone. Use a gentle and kind tone of voice when you do this.....you are not angry, just assertive. In fact, make sure you put a smile on your face first, as it will actually help your tone of voice sound friendlier.

    You'll have to learn to be very assertive do to this. Start planning for your next family meal now. Tell everyone that you love them and love to be with them, but only under the clean air zone rules. If the dinner is at someone else's house, you can choose to leave if you don't like what you hear going on.
     
  8. FrancesR

    FrancesR Out Of The Brooder

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    Hey Knock-Kneed Chicken....me too! I spent today helping a neighbor with their garden so they could get some broccoli and chard planted asap. They wondered if I was OK with working today. I just said I try to be thankful everyday and today I planned on pizza for dinner! They loved it.
     
  9. DuckLady

    DuckLady ~~~Administrator~~~BYC Store Support Staff Member

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    I agree. One year my husband and stepdaughter ate on the patio because they couldn't stay off the politics.

    If you have no pleasant conversation----shut up.
     
  10. Knock Kneed Hen

    Knock Kneed Hen California Dream'in Chickens

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    Quote:[​IMG] Glad to see you here!!
     

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