Everything's Changing

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by keedokes, Aug 2, 2010.

  1. keedokes

    keedokes Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 25, 2009
    Milwaukee, WI
    So long story short, my husband and I are splitting up. We have two young children (ages 5 and 3) and both of us are full-time students right now. I just finally went back to college--last semester was my first semester back. Due to my teeny-tiny income I am trying to turn to family (my dad) to live with for a year so I can spend the year paying off my car and our credit card so that when I move out to my own place I can have less to pay each month.

    The hang-up is my critters. My dad hates them. I have one (35lb) dog, two cats, two English Angora rabbits, two frogs and four chickens. He's willing to 'maybe' deal with the chickens and rabbits because they're outdoors, and with the dog and the frogs, but the cats are right out. He's allergic.

    Now, I understand allergies. But...HE DOESN'T LIVE IN HIS HOUSE. The only reason he has it is because he's waiting for the housing market to level out so he can sell it. My younger sister is living there, for free, with the understanding that she will care for the house (which she hasn't done. She left for vacation two weeks ago and left vomit and mold in the basement from a party she held. She decides when she wants to do housework, which is not very often, and never puts the downspouts back on after she mows the lawn and he's getting foundation damage.) She's been living there for almost five years.

    I'm asking for one year. One year. I told him I'd pay to have the furnace and ducts cleaned when I moved out, and he's planning on replacing 80% of the carpeting in the next few weeks. I asked if he'd hold off on the replacement for a year--if he could just replace it when I leave then if there's a little cat dander in the carpet it wouldn't matter. And that I would pay for replacing the remaining 20%. Most of the home is tile and hardwood.

    When I take in animals I make a lifetime commitment to that animal. One cat is my daughter's (she's the five year old) that she named Lollipop. The other is an older cat that hates everyone but me. I have a Furminator that I use on all of my hairy beasts weekly which really cuts down on dander and allergens. I use a blower to blow out the dog and rabbits outside, which also cuts down on allergens.

    My sister gets a free ride to wreck his home, and I get nothing. I haven't leaned on him for anything since he left my mom when I was in high school--not for anything, not even my small wedding. Now I'm asking for one year and I get knocked down. I never cry about anything but I'm crying now because I feel trapped.
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2010
  2. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Thats so sad.. I'm sorry. [​IMG] [​IMG]

    I'm a brat... i'd just bring the cats with me and not say a word about it again...
    If he asks about them..or sis tells on you... [​IMG]
    Just fib and say that you are looking for GOOD homes for them and it may take a little while....
  3. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
    So sorry. [​IMG] I know just how hard it's going to be on you and the kids. Hopefully the year will pass quickly and there will be only good things for you on the other side.
  4. TipsyDog

    TipsyDog Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 14, 2009
    Aregua, Paraguay
    Sorry you're splitting up and have 2 small children!

    As far as the pets, my advice is that you need to get rid of ALL of them. You're now a single Mom, head of the family and don't have the income or means to support them. Your children should be the priority and your father's wishes too. Doesn't matter how many "but" you come up with, still his house, his money and his wishes. It's the price you pay to live there. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but you're making a life changing decision and tough choices need to be made. Sorry. I wish I had a dollar for every person I've heard say they have little income, blah, blah but still have a bunch of pets that cost them money every month!
  5. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Yeah.. honestly..
    It may be better to just get rid of them all for now....
    You're going to have a LOT on your plate very soon.. and animals do cost a lot of money...
    So sorry about it all though... [​IMG]
  6. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    Well, we don't have cats, but our house STILL smells like them... even after removing the carpet... and painting... it's still there. Soaked into the concrete or the sheetrock or or something.

    For us, it's just kind of Ewww... but for someone who's allergic... well if I can smell it, and believe me I did everything... I can only imagine what it could do to someone who gets sick from their ... dander... hair... whatever.

    But, long and short it's his house. He's the landlord. If you moved ANYWHERE else you would respect the landlord's rules on pets, prolly have to get rid of some/all of them. Just because he's your dad doesn't mean you shouldn't respect the rules of his home. In fact, given that he's not a total stranger, that you actually love him, and majorly appreciate him helping you out AND letting you keep most your critters... well seems maybe he deserves MORE respect than a stranger. Throw in that his reasoning for the rule isn't just financial, like the hypothetical landlord, but that it could effect his health ... which being your Dad you care about... and this is a no-brainer for me.
  7. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    I agree, its hard unless you can find a rental home that would accept animals. One year without animals isn't too bad. Do you have relatives that can take on the animals?
  8. keedokes

    keedokes Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 25, 2009
    Milwaukee, WI
    I have found several apartments much closer to school that would allow me my critters. Dad's is about a 40 minute drive to school, plus the time to drop off/pick up my son from my SIL's for daycare 2x/week. I was just desperately hoping for the year at his house because then money wouldn't be QUITE so tight when I moved. One year would get me back on my feet and give me the chance to pay off some bills before I struck out by myself. The critters are well taken care of and I don't HAVE to live at his house, it would just be a big break and save me tons of penny-pinching stress in subsequent years. I'm not a big spender at all but I like to have a bit of a bumper for emergencies, and we don't have that right now. The fibre and kits from my Angoras pay for a lot of the critter bills, and plus I take someone's dog to the dog park with my corgi 3x/week which pays for all of my feed.

    Like I said, I understand the allergy thing. But I guess I'm really hurt about it because he wouldn't be physically affected by them--he's there maybe once a month for 20 minutes to pick up mail, etc.

    Oh, and I don't have anyone to take the critters. Most of my family think I'm extremely strange because I'm so committed to them. I'm also apparently strange because when I drop off a dog after the dog park I let their owners know if they'd defecated and if there was anything wrong with the 'deposit'.
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2010
  9. Miltonchix

    Miltonchix Taking a Break

    Jul 14, 2007
    Milton, Florida
    You have to remember young lady that it IS HIS HOUSE. Doesn't matter if you agree with his rules or not. It is his house.
    Ever heard the saying "beggars can't be choosers". You are in a way "begging" for a place to stay. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute.
    Kinda hard, I know, but if you were trying to sell a house, and most potential buyers will RUN at the first smell detected. What would you do?
    Smells don't just permeate carpets. They get into wood, drywall, duct work, etc. Find someone to watch ALL of your animals or give them away, OR find someplace else to stay.
  10. Frosty

    Frosty Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 30, 2008
    I think I would have to ask if you are sure that you even want to live there. It sounds like you would be sharing the place with your sister? If she doesn't clean up after herself, do you really want to be cleaning up after her? Having your kids exposed to parties like that? It may be less stress financially, but I think it would have stress of a totally different kind. Add to that the fact that you would probably resent her and your father for having to give up some (or all) of the critters.

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