Family Vent - Sorry, this is long, but I really need to air it.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Kelfeathers, Mar 28, 2017.

  1. Kelfeathers

    Kelfeathers Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Five years ago we lost our home in foreclosure. That following Monday my husband lost his job. His mom and dad allowed us to come live with them, but wouldn't allow us to live in the house. They set up a futon, our fridge, microwave and TV in their garage. Clothes, towels and rags were stuffed into holes in the walls and dirt was built up around the areas that flood. We only had two space heaters to get us through Ohio's winter. Most nights I would have on three pairs of socks, pj pants, jeans, two shirts, a sweatshirt, a beanie, arm warmers, gloves and a scarf and be burrowed under the three blankets we owned. There were nights where I didn't sleep at all because it was way too cold. My husband, who can tolerate the cold better than I can, also struggled, but not nearly as much.

    During this time his mom also made a rule that we couldn't go in and out to use the bathroom and we were outright banned from using it after they went to bed. I could understand the upset if one of us had a medical problem that had us going in and out constantly or if we were banging around, but we didn't and we tried very hard to be as quiet as possible. We never accidentally woke them up. Ultimately we were supplied with a bucket to use as our toilet.

    Then she banned us from using the kitchen. Again I could understand if we were making a lot of noise and a huge mess, but we were as quiet as possible and always cleaned up after ourselves. We were only allowed to use our microwave in the garage so everything turned from proper meals to TV dinners, food that only needed heated water and things that didn't need to be cooked. A lot of the fresh fruits and veggies froze in the garage.

    Following all of that we were told we could only have one shower a day. That's not each. My husband had since gotten a new job at a new factory so he regularly came home dirty, grime covered and sweaty so I offered him the daily shower and said I'd figure out something or shower when he didn't have work. He asked his mom to clarify the one shower daily rule and noted she only said one shower, she never said how many people could be in said shower. That ended up with us both going into the bathroom at the same time. He would shower first and then I would have my shower. Work with the cards you're given, right? I did still end up washing with the hose in the backyard a few times when I was booted from the shower halfway through.

    During all of this I was dealing with untreated depression, severe, crippling anxiety, PTSD, an ulcer and a whole laundry list of other problems. I wasn't allowed out of the garage when my husband wasn't home, more specifically if my MIL caught me out of the garage when my FIL wasn't home she'd fly out and start screaming at me until I went back in. I couldn't open the blinds in the garage because I would find my FIL with his hands cupped to his face peering in. We also weren't supposed to have the overhead lights on more than necessary so it was usually very dark.

    That summer a nasty wind storm came through and took out the power. It was out for 3 days. If anyone has been in a garage with the doors closed and the summer sun beating down on it, I think you'll understand the miserable situation I was in. The first day the power was off I wasn't allowed to leave that garage or else my MIL would start her usual screaming. The windows couldn't be opened and we didn't have a generator. When I was awake it was for less than 5 minutes while I drank a swig of hot water and dumped some over myself. At one point I heard a generator, but was out before I could think about it any further. When my husband finally came home that night I was very sick. He walked me into their house to get me in the shower to cool off and was shocked to find them running several fans, the TV, DVD player, fridge, etc off of a generator. My husband had to fight to get a single fan hooked up to their generator for the garage.

    After the whole generator incident my FIL decide we should get a trailer to put on their property. My husband bought a trailer to put on the property and that's what we've been living in ever since. We weren't allowed to hook up water or septic so we have to carry over gallon jugs filled with out daily amount of water on a nightly basis and we still have a bucket for the toilet. The roof and windows leak and there isn't any insulation, but I can open the curtains and windows so it's a lot better. All this time my husband has been working to repair his credit and we've been saving money when we can to try and get a better roof over our heads.

    Two years ago my MIL up and decided she wanted to move to NC. They bought a house down there and have been slowly fixing it up. Last year we were supposed to buy their house and move in, but my FIL put off his retirement to save some more money before moving. This year they are supposed to move at the end of April. When we went to get the loan we discovered that something we thought had been paid off hadn't and it's been hurting my husband's credit.

    The mortgage broker said that the monthly payments would be around $700 if he got the loan now and instead suggested a refinance option. My husband suggested and expanded the idea to his dad. His dad would get the refinance and we would pay it as a kind of rental deal. We would be allowed to move in, all of the bills would be covered by us as well as the taxes. At the end of the year we would get the original loan and pay off the refinance loan. We even offered to do up a contract with us being evicted if we couldn't keep up our end as a proper deal. On top of that my husband would pay more than the original agreed amount.

    My FIL seemed excited about the deal and said he'd discuss it with my MIL. She shot it down faster than a Lost Boy shooting a Wendy bird. When we originally discussed it with my FIL he said we could have two years since it would probably take that long to move everything anyway and while he appreciated the extra money it wasn't necessary. After talking to my MIL we need to give them $3,800 up front along with the extra originally offered and we only have until September to get the full amount to them. In the meantime they'll be living in NC and expect us to maintain their yard, clean their house, pay their bills and everything else because we'll still be allowed to shower and do laundry at their empty house.

    Last year my FIL signed over the parcel our trailer is on so we'll still have it when they move, but it's not big enough to add the septic tank our county requires. We can get water, but the toilet situation is up in the air. For now we're going to get that last debt paid off and save as much as we can and hope to find a house before this next winter. Unfortunately, my health has taken another hit on this new roller coaster. A new ulcer, lack of appetite and high fevers are keeping me crashed out in bed so I've been relegated to online research while my husband handles the brunt of things. Hopefully things get better soon!
     
  2. KikisGirls

    KikisGirls Be Happy! Read more. Premium Member

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    Horrible situation you are in.
    If your husband is working....why not rent an apartment, trailer, or shoot even a room in someone else house?
    Someone that isn't related to the devil?
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. pacelli27

    pacelli27 Just Hatched

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    What horrible in laws! Put your foot down, tell your husband you guys need to go rent your own house or apartment.. Get away from that evil lady.
     
  4. Kelfeathers

    Kelfeathers Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Aug 19, 2015
    Marengo, Ohio
    We tried the apartment route, but we have pets. We actually checked with every apartment in our area. Everything is either no pets or they charge an extra $100 per month per pet. I'm really not willing to give up my pets, some of which I've had for more than 5 years (my cat is 10 this year) for an apartment. Boarding would get expensive in an actual boarding kennel and I don't have any friends or family I can ask to board them for me at their house.

    We already have a trailer that we own on our own land. When the trailer was bought the land was part of my in law's property so we weren't allowed to hook it up to water and septic. When the parcel was signed over last year we discovered it was too small to add septic and weren't anxious to hook up water if we couldn't have septic too. We figured we could save that $5,000 to put toward buying my in-laws' house since they were planning to move.

    We can't rent a room with our pets and a single room is a big step down from a trailer with a small yard. Storage fees alone for our furniture and other belongings would get really expensive.

    I actually looked at rental homes, but the pets made that impossible again. The few I found that did allow pets were either too far from my husband's job or in really, really seedy areas.

    Thanks for the suggestions though.
     
  5. KikisGirls

    KikisGirls Be Happy! Read more. Premium Member

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    I understand the pet issue.
    You obviously have internet...
    can you apply for internet "type" jobs...something you could work from home to make some extra monies?

    Can you find a place to rent...to MOVe your trailer too that does have a water hook up?
     
  6. Kelfeathers

    Kelfeathers Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Aug 19, 2015
    Marengo, Ohio
    I've been looking at net jobs, but most often I don't have the experience needed. I'm still looking so I haven't given up. I'm hoping once I get my health in better control I can learn how to drive and get a job near home.

    The trailer parks within a reasonable distance don't allow pets and are expensive or they're absolutely seedy. The closest one doesn't even allow you to keep fish and has a clause that they get to come in and inspect the place on a monthly basis. I haven't seen anyone offering trailer hook ups on private land rentals.

    I've been checking the foreclosure listings. I have to work in a budget of $50,000 or less and I can find that with foreclosures. The loan companies, however, don't want to bother with such a small loan. Unfortunately, with paying off debts and medical bills we weren't able to save that much yet. As it stands right now we haven't replaced our car, microwave or stove because we're trying to save as much as possible. The only reason the net hasn't been cut off is because I don't own a cell phone and we don't have a house phone. The net is my only means of communication and has already proven handy in emergencies.
     
  7. KikisGirls

    KikisGirls Be Happy! Read more. Premium Member

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    I have no idea what your home/land/housing market is up there...
    I hope your nasty in laws leave very very soon so you can just move into their place.
    I wish you the best of the best good luck in the very near future!
     
  8. lazy gardener

    lazy gardener True BYC Addict

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    Without a legal contract, you are setting yourselves up to be taken advantage of even further. One can only be a door mat if they are willing to be one. The situation you describe is deplorable. I don't know what state you live in, but if this were going on here in my state, Department of Human Services would most likely be involved, Adult Protective services. You need your own housing. If hubby's job does not provide enough money to allow for this, then you need to get a job.
     
  9. KikisGirls

    KikisGirls Be Happy! Read more. Premium Member

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    I totally agree...
    You should only have to use a bucket if you are homeless....even then...I don't think so.

    Maybe you don't think your situation is as BAD as we see it...but it is...
    And as long as you "think" it's ok you really shouldn't complain.
    You do allow yourself to live that way,
    [​IMG]
     
  10. lazy gardener

    lazy gardener True BYC Addict

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    You could put in a composting toilet.
     

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