Feeling really guilty right now

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Xtina, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. Xtina

    Xtina Songster

    Jul 1, 2008
    Portland, Oregon
    My husband and I are trying to sleep train the baby. We're not doing the cry-it-out method, but that's what it feels like. Right now, I'm in here working (I work from home) and my husband's trying to soothe the baby and put him to bed. It's totally not working, from the sound of it. Is he learning that his mom will abandon him? Or is this really good for him - teaching him to bond with his dad and go to sleep without me nursing or rocking him to sleep?
  2. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:Babies cry for all different reasons. If the child is full, had been cuddled, swaddled, hugged, changed, and kissed and he is still crying, he is tired, and that is his way to put himself to sleep. Don't let it break your heart!! The baby is fine if all of the above mentioned things have been done. Just rock the child til he stops. And he will.
  3. Xtina

    Xtina Songster

    Jul 1, 2008
    Portland, Oregon
    30 seconds after I made my post, my husband came in and said the baby was winning the battle of wills and he was giving up for tonight. Here's hoping for better luck tomorrow night! He cried for me for a long time too and eventually I had to feed him one last time. We'll see how long he stays asleep now.

    Do you guys have tips for sleep training babies? I should say my son is six months old, eating solids, and breastfeeding. No formula. He sleeps in his crib at night but moves into my bed around 5 in the morning so I can get some more sleep.
  4. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:First thing I can tell you is stop moving baby into your bed. Next thing you know he is 5 and won't sleep without being in there!!! When he sleeps during the day, open all blinds, turn on all lights and wake him after 2 hours at the most. Vacuum when he is sleeping, turn on appliances. He will start, slowly, leaning towards sleeping at night.

    I did all the above with my son, knowing all kids are different of course, and he was sleeping at least 7 hours within a month. Good luck!!! [​IMG]
  5. I don't know...I gave my daughter a bottle of formula at night and rocked her until she was asleep. She always slept in her crib in another room from the day she came home from the hospital. I had a monitor mounted near her bed and could hear her easily if she cried.

    I'm trying to remember how long I did this, but I would say until probably 10 months or so. I would still always rock her and sing in the evenings, even when she was no longer taking a bottle but many times she was still awake when I put her in her crib. I do remember putting her down and patting her back for a few minutes.

    I understand the premise of self-soothing, but I guess I just believe that babies that young probably need the nuturing. JMO
  6. gallinamama

    gallinamama Songster

    May 14, 2010
    Macomb, Michigan
    I feel for you, My daughter was a cryer till she was about 7 months old. She got her first tooth and then she started sleeping more. Is your baby teething? See a doctor and make sure your baby doesn't have reflux. After all is said and done, rock them, cuddle them because they grow up way too fast. Mine 4 are all in their 30's!! now I rock and spoil my 4 grandchildren:ya

  7. BC_Farms

    BC_Farms Songster

    Jan 20, 2010
    Enfield & Chaplin CT
    Don't take them out of their crib when they cry, check on them to see if they are ok and rub their backs. If they start crying again wait another 5 minutes before going in and do the same thing....then 10...etc. Usually works for me for putting babies to 3 year olds to bed.
  8. JetBlack

    JetBlack Songster

    Apr 19, 2010
    Coeur d'Alene, ID
    Weak, listless crying = sleepy.

    Strong, loud, constant crying = hungry.

    Intermittent, warbling crying (louder and softer/more and less insistent) = diaper.
  9. Jetblack - you forgot the screaming bloody murder crying they do when they don't get there way. my daughter was a good night sleeper from day 1 - but I made the mistake of having her sleep in bed with me from an early age - and so yeah she slept with me till she was 3 - lol. but she'd do the cry bloody murder thing when she wouldn't get her way even at 6 or 7 months old.

    I say - @ 6 months don't let the baby nap but 2 or 3 times during the day - no more than 2 hours at a time. Do not let them nap atleast 4 hours before 'bedtime' then whever you're reading for the baby to sleep - make sure baby is nice and full, rock them for a bit rub their back talk to them whatever gets them to go to sleep. Once asleep - lay baby down and do what you got to do - but go to sleep yourself fairly soon afterwards or else you're going to be more likely to revert to 'taking to bed' @ 5 am. - Baby wakes during the night - go in see change diaper if need be - feed an ounce or two of milk if needed - and then lay 'em back down - if baby continues to cry - let them cry it out. - after a few nights of this she'll understand you're not coming back in there - and she's not getting moved to bed. It kills you - no matter there age to do that to them. My daughter I'd have her go to sleep in my bed between two stuffed animals and I am an insomniac so i'd be up all sorts of hours and let her cry it out in the middle of the night when I wasn't sleepy and ready for bed yet. - she learned within a week to not expect me to come back just because she was doing the 'scream and cry bloody murder' - because I knew she wasn't dirty or hungry. I'd love and coddle and cuddle during the day - and she associated that behavior and nurturing with daylight hours not night-time and quickly slept through the night. Of course it backfired when she hit 15 months - she started to never take naps during the day after that. but she'd sleep a solid 8-10 hours at night. Now she's going on 6 - sleeps a solid 9 hrs at night like clockwork ever since. I prefer the solid night of sleep than a kid who sleeps 6 hrs at night and a takes a 2 hr nap during the day - lol.

    Just whatever you chose to do - stick to your guns even with a baby because babies are MUCH smarter than we tend to give them credit for. She won't have abandoment issues - she's just expecting what you've been giving her since she was born - whatever she wants when she cries. I noticed a lot more crying when my daughter was about 7 or so months old - when my reaction times got slower...She'd cry louder and harder - trying to get me to come faster I believe. You as mom will know the different cries and can react accordingly. [​IMG]

    Good luck mom!
  10. Southernbelle

    Southernbelle Gone Broody

    Mar 17, 2008
    Try the book The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley; it's a wonderful book for people who think the cry-it-out is too harsh.

    I never let my kids cry it out; they don't know why their crying, but it's scary to be alone when you're so distressed, so I always held them through it.

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