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For I Have WHAT in My Yard?

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by fuzziebutt, Oct 5, 2011.

  1. fuzziebutt

    fuzziebutt Songster

    Mar 9, 2009
    Your inbox was full, so here is why we SHOOT deer.

    Why We Shoot Deer
    Why we shoot deer in the wild (A letter from someone who
    wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually
    tried this)

    I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a
    stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it
    and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.
    I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do
    not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one
    will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while
    I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be
    difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head
    (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with
    my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before,
    stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After
    about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a
    likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and
    threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I
    wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would
    have a good hold..

    The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
    tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I
    took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little
    tension on the rope ..., and then received an education. The
    first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand
    there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred
    to action when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that
    pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt.
    A cow or a colt
    in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and
    with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked
    and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and
    certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet
    and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me
    that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I
    had originally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not
    have as much stamina as many other animals.

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as
    quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get
    up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly
    blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At
    that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just
    wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the
    rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and
    painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all
    between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing,
    and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I
    had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head
    against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground,
    I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a
    small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility
    for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to
    suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in
    between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before
    hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there
    and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer

    They do! I never in a million years would have thought
    that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when
    ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed
    hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like
    being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to
    then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a
    pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably
    to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking
    instead. My method was ineffective.

    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several
    minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being
    smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by
    now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out
    of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for
    the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear
    right up on their back feet and strike right about head and
    shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I
    learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --
    strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily,
    the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an
    aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them
    to back down a bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such
    trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I
    devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried
    to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to
    turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there
    is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
    Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides
    being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I
    turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and
    knocked me down.

    Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does
    not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the
    danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and
    jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a
    little girl and covering your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer
    went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they
    bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

    All these events are true so help me God... An
    Educated Farmer

  2. jeepguy982001

    jeepguy982001 Songster

    Oct 4, 2011
    athens, wv
    lol i love this story it was really great
  3. fuzziebutt

    fuzziebutt Songster

    Mar 9, 2009
    The first time I read it, I cried till tears ran down my legs!
  4. Gerry2011

    Gerry2011 Chirping

    Jul 8, 2011
    NW Arkansas
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  5. sonew123

    sonew123 Poultry Snuggie

    Mar 16, 2009
    onchiota NY
    OMG what a riot--thank you!
  6. lovin my birds

    lovin my birds Songster

    Mar 15, 2011
    Odessa, MO
    Oh wow! I could not help but laugh! I was laughing so hard by the end I was crying. Thanks for lifting my spirits! [​IMG]
  7. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

    Jan 27, 2009
    That is a story that am going to have to share. Thank you for the great laugh. I needed that. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

  8. Farmerboy16

    Farmerboy16 Rebuilding my Farm

    Dec 30, 2010
    Sparta, MI
    [​IMG] [​IMG] That was funny. I do not like venison, but do not like deer more, for they love to eat my corn crops. [​IMG] I encourage my siblings that likes to hunt, to shoot every deer as they can.
  9. WooingWyandotte

    WooingWyandotte Crowing

    Apr 25, 2011
    Nor cal
    [​IMG] That IS seriously the most funniest story I have every heard! [​IMG]
  10. chickendiva25

    chickendiva25 I'm a Spy. :3


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