For The1Much...turkey attack!

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by miss_jayne, Oct 30, 2008.

  1. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    this is the email i sent out after the turkey attack i told you about, Jim. i figured you would appreciate it!(it happened after i had been very ill for 9 months in bed. i was so excited to get outside...UNTIL...)

    Isn't it cool, that we learn something new every day? NO IT ISN'T!!!!

    Why? you may ask...I'll tell you why....

    Today I went out to rake leaves and burn them. It was awesome that I actually had the energy and ability. I got a ton done all by myself. The weather was stellar and it was just gorgeous.
    I was just raking along and had gotten about 2/3 done with our back yard when I spotted a brown animal coming towards me as I glanced up. I yelled, "Hey, Chrissy, come help mommy!" to our brownish/black cat. Only, IT WAS NOT THE BROWN/BLACK CAT.

    Following are the lessons I learned today:

    1. Not only do we think turkey is delicious, apparently they feel the same about us. They can sneak up on you and be 10 feet or less away before you see them.

    2. Tom turkeys are scary and will run straight at you when you call to them with your cat's name. I guess they don't like to be mistaken for family pets. (Probably an ego issue.)

    3. Screaming bloody murder only encourages said Tom turkey, until you chase him with the rake and yell things such as, "AAAGGGGHHHH" or "Yiiiiiiiiiiiiikes!". You should also be ready to run in circles, as Tom really has a tendency to do the same. You will have to take turns chasing one another. Use the rake as much as possible.

    4. If you call your husband on the cell phone (after your heart returns to normal) you will incite further turkey issues such as, but not limited to the following items:
    a. If Tom can't get you, Hen will try to avenge him. She especially seems attracted to a yellow bandana.
    b. She will sneak as quietly as her loving Tom and scare you into cardiac arrest.
    c. She will scream at you.

    6. " Death from above" is NOT just a funny saying, in Modern English it literally translates to the following:
    "Hen turkeys will attack you from the tops of trees when you have your back turned to them while using a rake and cell phone."

    7. When you hear Hens wings and turn, she will be about 1 foot from your head and will respond VERY negatively when you once again, scream bloody murder.

    8. Turkeys cannot be trusted, plain and simple. They don't like you. They want to eat you. They are the things that hide under beds and in closets until you turn 9 years old. They are probably accountable for a large portion of the 'missing persons' list.

    So, just when you have your nice little fire going, raking your leaves and enjoying your day...don't call to your family pet. It's not your family pet, it is a scary, angry, bandana and rake obsessed turkey with a very cranky wife!

  2. Redfeathers

    Redfeathers Songster

    Oct 11, 2007
    Gervais OR
    OMG!! [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Sorry that happened, but what a fantastic story.
  3. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    it was HILARIOUS!

    there are still kids that yell, "Death from above!" out the bus windows at me when my kids get off the twinkie. so, apparently, the entire junior high and high school liked it too!
  4. Fudgie

    Fudgie Hatching Queen - Got Fudge?

    I am so sorry! [​IMG] but I am roflmao. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] I need a kleenex! [​IMG] and my co-workers think I am insane! (OK I am insane but that is beside the point! )
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    Thanks, I needed a good laugh today.
  5. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    Quote:i'll send you a box of kleenex! that is the response i got from the people i sent it to originally. they were almost peeing their pants laughing so hard.

    believe me, after i got back into the house, i almost did too! i can just imagine seeing it happen to someone! i would've been dying laughing.

    do you know how many times i have had to act it out for people asking? like i need to relive it![​IMG]
  6. JennsPeeps

    JennsPeeps Rhymes with 'henn'

    Jun 14, 2008
    South Puget Sound
  7. Southernbelle

    Southernbelle Gone Broody

    Mar 17, 2008
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Oh that's too good!

    We're they your turkeys or some random wild turkeys?
  8. shelleyb1969

    shelleyb1969 Star Bright Farm

    Rhandi, knowing you like I know you now...well...let's just say that I'm snorting right now! I'm gonna need one of those "bladder sling" thingys if I keep laughing so hard and rupturing my kidneys! [​IMG]
  9. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    Quote:dear Lord!

    i am telling you i am a magnet for rogue birds/animals.

    i have been:

    bitten by an ostrich
    bitten and attacked by geese IN GERMANY!
    chased down by peacocks and bitten by them
    threatened by TWO giraffes
    bitten by a dolphin (the trainer said that meant that it LIKED me...whatev)
    attacked by some sort of bird at sea world

    and i know there is more, i am just too traumatized by it to remember!
  10. Lol... that is funny! Thanks for sharing!

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