Forgiveness

[artsy1]

I can't figure out why it is so hard for me to forgive people.
When my hubbys aunt stole our inheritance, he could forgive her, and so could everyone in our family.
It's been 20 years or so and I have been able to avoid her all this time, now she is invited to a baby shower I am giving, and I will be cordial and pleasant, but I really don't forgive her, or maybe it's just I can't forget?
Last year my hubby got fired from his job and he told me that he is going to lunch with his old boss???????????????????
Why???????????????? he has been working his ass off and making half of what he use to....He has forgiven her and wants to keep in touch.............Why?????
I blame her for this living hell, we have been through this last year. I don't want to be her friend, I don't want to talk to her, or see her, or anything.

God wants me to forgive everyone and I really try. It's so hard.

 

[Avalon1984]

I wouldn't worry about it. I am the same way. Some things can be forgiven...others not so much.

 

[Fierlin1182]

It is pretty hard. There are some things I've been fighting to let go of for years. They used to really bother me, I'd think about them day in, day out. I think that's the kind of stuff you need to really forgive and forget about... otherwise it'll take over your life!
There's no rule saying you have to like certain people, especially if they did something bad to you and your family. I just don't let it anger me anymore, and I'm a lot happier.

 

[BusyBlonde]

The situation with the Aunt? I'm with you, but that's just me. My DH's aunt & cousin tried everything to make our wedding "all about them" - and when that didn't work, they caused enough drama to cause a permanent rift in the family. Forgiven - NO. Forgotten - NEVER. It is how they are (not only with us), and we deal with it by not dealing with them. They were not invited to DD's baby shower last year, and harassed her for days even after she tried to talk to them; she also cut all contact.

In the second case, with the former boss - I was recently 'fired' from my job. Not knowing the circumstances of your husband's firing, it's hard to say. In my case, I was highest paid & most senior, but with the economy the way it is, there wasn't enough work to keep everyone and they made the decision to cut me. I like the people I worked with, and understand their reasoning (to a point - I had a lot of customers loyal to "ME", not the company so much). I still am in touch with my former boss, he got me the job there, and we were friends before (I trained him at the job we first met at). They also told me they'd give me a stellar reference for anyone who contacts them about me, and that goes a long ways towards not cutting ties.

 

[Spookwriter]

An old quote learned years ago...

We are like beasts, when we kill.
We are like men, when we judge.
And we are like God, when we forgive.

One more quote?

It is best to forgive.
And then forget what you forgave.

 

[fuzziebutt]

Quote:
God asks us to forgive them, that's all we have to do. We don't have to associate with them, Just speak, and that's it. God also assures us that what she does you to is between Him and her. He has taken care of you, and will continue to.

 

[SourRoses]

Hmmm...

It doesen't come natural to me either... but if it's what you want.. for whatever the reason you want it (for me sometimes it's just been to make *me* feel better).. what has worked for me better than any other possible thing... is when I ask God to help me forgive. Help me let go. Help me not care anymore.
If it's what you really want, and you believe that God cares about your happiness as much as He says He does... it really works.

I can't count the number of times God has saved me from a feeling I didn't want to feel anymore. It takes a little time, a little patience, and a little going back to prayer whenever you start to have negative thoughts... but I've noticed it can start to subside pretty quick if I keep going back to God when I get upset.

Also.. you have to give yourself a break. Emotionally. Don't get stressed or upset with yourself for not feeling "right".. just give yourself a break and know thats what the human heart is like, it takes time to reconcile with the mind, and vice-versa. On the same note, don't put yourself in situations where you are going to feel stressed. If you don't fancy being in the same room with whomever, then be your own hero and save your heart the grief until you are ready for the situation at a later date. God does *not* expect you to hurt yourself emotionally. You should not either. Anyone who loves you should not.
Rushed feelings are never going to be the feelings you want to feel.

Just my 2 cents.

Oh.. and I agree on the point of not needing to associate with them. Whether you ever do or not, is completely up to you. If someone is a negative influence, it is completely OK to forgive them when you are ready, yet never again interact with them. It doesen't mean you haven't forgiven, but that you are being smart and appropriately wary... "Fool me once..."

 

[Mahonri]

I love that quote...

We are like God when we forgive.

So very true.

When we forgive and forget and move on, life can be so much happier.

It's a small part of living without regret.

Learning to love like God loves is the journey of a lifetime for most of us.

 

[frostbite]

Sometimes it's hard to forgive because it feels like the other person "gets away with it".

But that's not what forgiveness is all about. It doesn't mean you have to trust the other person, or like the other person. It means you have to stop harboring those bad feelings in your head, and give up on the idea that your idea of justice has to happen. You also have to give up on your resentment that other people have put aside the pain. Have you ever heard, "Holding a grudge is like letting another person live rent free in your head."

Don't let her live rent free in your head. Accept the idea that what she does, she does out of her own brokenness, and it probably hurts her in ways that you can't even imagine. So forgive her, accept God's forgiveness for yourself, and get on with your life.

And if she can't be trusted, you don't have to trust her. But if someday she changes, and asks for forgiveness, you will be in the blessed position of being able to say, "I forgave you long ago."

 

[bakerjw]

Will any of this matter in another 20 years? 100 years? 1,000 years?
You have to let things go. It is a lesson that is hard learned unfortunately.