Frustrated, a bit confused, and just bouncing my thoughts around

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by HeatherLynn, Dec 19, 2010.

  1. HeatherLynn

    HeatherLynn Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 11, 2009
    Kentucky, Cecilia
    Ok, now religion will play into all this so Please Please Please behave. I am open to other opinions. It won't change my faith but it may change my view on how I want to do things. I don't want to start a huge ruckus but a productive discussion.

    I am Christian. I can't tell you much else about me with church or religion because thats a murky area. I would say I am not a religious person at all. I found after 15 years a church I was comfortable in and already I am feeling restless because I still feel the same lost need as I did before. I am in this huge inner debate over love and the church. I am sure some have seen me most a couple things about it but I am honestly on a hardcore spiritual search about love. I just don't feel the church preaches love or gives it as much power as it should have. I even talked with a friend who is a pastor about this. He agreed. He came here from Nigeria and he was so dissappointed that churches here seemed more involved in spreading religion than christianity. Where he is from you gather to almost celebrate the spiritual. Religion was a foreign concept for him. See I knew I was not alone on that one. There is such a huge difference between being a Christian and being religious. Very frustrating because you look for inspiration or guidance and you are walking alone most of the time.

    I know I am being pointed in this direction. I tell you it seems no matter where I look I keep coming back to love. Which is not bad really. I have lots of love and I am forever looking for opportunities to share it. I really want to adopt, and start a seniors program, and maybe teach adults skills for daily living. I don't know. I have so many things spinning in my head. I don't feel like I need to preach to anyone when I do this. I think if I do this with the right heart it will show through. Still I feel like this is a very lonely walk. I feel like maybe the church needs the message if it is to survive too. I can honestly understand the anger so many have toward the church. Its a shame that the church has dirtied Christianity. Thats always the way of things though it seems. Look at Islam. You let people get involved and they just muddy the waters and destroy. You would think if all these religious people loved their church so much they would make more of an effort to not tarnish its image. Instead everyone acts so ugly.

    Well the ugly thing is people everywhere. Whether they have a religion or not. People are so ugly at times. I don't know. I feel discontent with what I am able to do right now but I just don't know how to do more yet. It would take winning the lottery a few times to achieve everything I would like to. Change the foster care system, oh heck yea. Change nursing homes, yep yep. Childrens hospitals, Childrens homes, ..... I just don't have the means to help in every way I would like to. I feel frustrated daily. It seems whatever i manage to do seems so small and it does not even put a dent into the need. So what do you do? My husband said to turn my brain off now and then but thats not really an option with me. sigh I am just so dang frustrated with everything it seems. We did little presents and cards to 2 nursing homes. I wish I had enough to do every nursing home. I wish I could get our scouts to visit a home every weekend. Yes I know thats not super reasonable but.....its just heartbreaking that there are so many people who need something as small as a hug and they have to do without. All they need, really, is love. God keeps this on my heart. It is constant and yet I feel like I have no path in front of me. I am just wondering around aimlessly saying 'love is the key'. Well thats great but I need the dang door the key goes to. Yea I am only slightly frustrated.
     
  2. Tanichca

    Tanichca Sparkle Magnet

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    [​IMG]
    I know how you feel. I know im just a kid still (not even a junior in high school) but i experienced the feeling of being lost. Now, im not going to pressure you or anything, and PLEASE do not take this the wrong way, but i found that becoming a better Catholic helped me through this. I know that most churches try harder to spread their version of the gospel, and ignore anyone who isnt part of the clique, than they try to be actual Christians. Thats why i love being Catholic, because we take care of all people no matter what their religious persuasions are. And yes, i know that us Catholics have a horrible reputation because of the horrid scandals in the past few decades, but do not let the sins of the few decide the goodness of the many.
    I hope it doesnt bother you if i pray for you, ok?
     
  3. CoyoteMagic

    CoyoteMagic RIP ?-2014

    You can go online and explore all types of spirituality. From Athiests-Zen and everything in between. The thing is to be open-minded about your search. Be willing to accept other possibilities for the answers you seek. Listen to your heart, it will lead you in the right direction
     
  4. HeatherLynn

    HeatherLynn Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 11, 2009
    Kentucky, Cecilia
    I am not looking for a different spiritual path. I guess I am looking for different outlets for it? I am not sure if that made sense. I believe in God and I have a relationship with him but thats really where it ends. There is no outlet because I feel that the church is just so off. Obviously it is off. If it was not then I don't think there would be so much anger. Heck I was one of the angry ones for 15 years ( not at God but ooooo SOOO mad at the church) That just leaves me wandering around on my own trying to sort it all out I guess and looking for a way to do what my heart wants to do. I tell you this revelation about love may drive me to distraction. I never heard it preached. I always heard fire and brimstone but never anything on the power of love. Yet I am looking in the Bible and asking why in the heck are they ignoring this. I am not good at many things but I have tons of love to give. TONS. Yet I never felt that was one of the qualifications being looked for. So how do you spread love all by yourself? There is the question. If I had the funds we would double our family in the time it takes to get all the paperwork and approvals done for adoption. I would make sure every last one of the seniors I saw yesterday got weekly visits. Not just them but especially them.

    This will break your heart. Ok the scouts go caroling to the nursing home and assisted living home every year. Well this year we did cards and blankets too. So we are in the memory care ward and this sweet little woman is looking at the blankets I am handing out. Tiny little voice she tells me "they are so pretty" so I ask her if she would like one. She starts crying and says I can keep it? and then just cuddles that blanket. I almost made one of the dads cry cause I could not stop. She was just like a confused little girl and well it just broke my heart. So much so i am trying to figure out excuses to drag the boys there more often to visit and give hugs. I tell you they recieved hugs like they were 100 dollar bills. I want to see the church going to. I don't even know how to make that happen. I am nobody in this church or any other. When you are just one how do you make things change? how
     
  5. Moabite

    Moabite Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 24, 2010
    Utah
    I understand your frustration. I think you are doing what you know in your heart is right, but as the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water....", Thanks for sharing. Since you are looking for a different outlet, I'm sure you will find it soon, if you aren't already standing on it that is. [​IMG]
     
  6. HeatherLynn

    HeatherLynn Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Kentucky, Cecilia
    Isn't that the truth. Probably if I did turn my brain off for a bit and looked at things anew there is an answer staring me in the face going" hey dummy I'm right here." I think better when i bounce ideas around though. Usually I make my husband do this with me but he is busy working tonight.
     
  7. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    Western MA
    You're a good person. [​IMG]
     
  8. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Heather, I am churchless, and I have never been happier. Please let go of that need. I find fellowship online, with random people I have met that God chose for me, participate in online studies, etc. You do not need a church to feel a complete Christian. There are MANY outlets online for you!!! MANY MANY!!! You need to make the decision to either be in a church or not and go from there. Out God is a loving and forgiving God, and He will be please with whatever path you take, as long as it teaches you, and grows you.
     
  9. CoyoteMagic

    CoyoteMagic RIP ?-2014

    Quote:[​IMG] well said
     
  10. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:[​IMG] well said

    Thank you! I even typoed there.
     

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