Ok, now religion will play into all this so Please Please Please behave. I am open to other opinions. It won't change my faith but it may change my view on how I want to do things. I don't want to start a huge ruckus but a productive discussion. I am Christian. I can't tell you much else about me with church or religion because thats a murky area. I would say I am not a religious person at all. I found after 15 years a church I was comfortable in and already I am feeling restless because I still feel the same lost need as I did before. I am in this huge inner debate over love and the church. I am sure some have seen me most a couple things about it but I am honestly on a hardcore spiritual search about love. I just don't feel the church preaches love or gives it as much power as it should have. I even talked with a friend who is a pastor about this. He agreed. He came here from Nigeria and he was so dissappointed that churches here seemed more involved in spreading religion than christianity. Where he is from you gather to almost celebrate the spiritual. Religion was a foreign concept for him. See I knew I was not alone on that one. There is such a huge difference between being a Christian and being religious. Very frustrating because you look for inspiration or guidance and you are walking alone most of the time. I know I am being pointed in this direction. I tell you it seems no matter where I look I keep coming back to love. Which is not bad really. I have lots of love and I am forever looking for opportunities to share it. I really want to adopt, and start a seniors program, and maybe teach adults skills for daily living. I don't know. I have so many things spinning in my head. I don't feel like I need to preach to anyone when I do this. I think if I do this with the right heart it will show through. Still I feel like this is a very lonely walk. I feel like maybe the church needs the message if it is to survive too. I can honestly understand the anger so many have toward the church. Its a shame that the church has dirtied Christianity. Thats always the way of things though it seems. Look at Islam. You let people get involved and they just muddy the waters and destroy. You would think if all these religious people loved their church so much they would make more of an effort to not tarnish its image. Instead everyone acts so ugly. Well the ugly thing is people everywhere. Whether they have a religion or not. People are so ugly at times. I don't know. I feel discontent with what I am able to do right now but I just don't know how to do more yet. It would take winning the lottery a few times to achieve everything I would like to. Change the foster care system, oh heck yea. Change nursing homes, yep yep. Childrens hospitals, Childrens homes, ..... I just don't have the means to help in every way I would like to. I feel frustrated daily. It seems whatever i manage to do seems so small and it does not even put a dent into the need. So what do you do? My husband said to turn my brain off now and then but thats not really an option with me. sigh I am just so dang frustrated with everything it seems. We did little presents and cards to 2 nursing homes. I wish I had enough to do every nursing home. I wish I could get our scouts to visit a home every weekend. Yes I know thats not super reasonable but.....its just heartbreaking that there are so many people who need something as small as a hug and they have to do without. All they need, really, is love. God keeps this on my heart. It is constant and yet I feel like I have no path in front of me. I am just wondering around aimlessly saying 'love is the key'. Well thats great but I need the dang door the key goes to. Yea I am only slightly frustrated.