Funny "dog" email

Discussion in 'Other Pets & Livestock' started by pbjmaker, Jun 14, 2011.

  1. pbjmaker

    pbjmaker Overrun With Chickens

    May 9, 2008
    Central Iowa
    My mom sent this to me and it made me laugh so I thought I'd share it:

    FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON’T, IT IS STILL A TRUE STORY.

    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

    Dear Dogs and Cats:

    The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

    (1) They live here. You don’t.
    (2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’niture.

    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats are esier to raise than kids because they:

    (1) eat less,

    (2) don’t ask for money all the time,

    (3) are easier to train,

    (4) normally come when called,

    (5) never ask to drive the car,

    (6) don’t smoke or drink,

    (7) don’t want to wear your clothes,

    (8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,

    (9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and,

    (10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children…
     
  2. SundownWaterfowl

    SundownWaterfowl Overrun With Chickens

    Cute!! [​IMG]
     
  3. Chickencoop1996

    Chickencoop1996 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 28, 2011
    southern nh
    10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children…
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  4. Glenmar

    Glenmar Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jan 17, 2011
    VIRGINIA
    GREAT!!!! [​IMG]
     
  5. teeville5

    teeville5 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 24, 2011
    Michigan
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    Too true and too funny.
     
  6. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
    Also, if you tick me off I can lock you in your crate! [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2011
  7. bossynbella

    bossynbella Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Aug 11, 2007
    Iowa
    Very Funny! I love it!
     
  8. animalpro24

    animalpro24 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 13, 2011
    Oregon
    Hahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahhaha!!!!!! Love the last one!
     
  9. JulieNKC

    JulieNKC Overrun With Chickens

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    Sep 25, 2010
    Kansas City
    Very funny!!! [​IMG]
     

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