Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by JennsPeeps, Feb 6, 2009.

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  1. JennsPeeps

    JennsPeeps Rhymes with 'henn'

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    South Puget Sound
    OK, since so many of us will gladly admit to laughing at farts and pulling fingers, I'm goign to share my most embarassing moment for your reading pleasure.

    I take no responsiblity for spat-out beverages.

    I used to date a guy named Mike. Mike was a tight family comprised of Shannon (sister), a BIL, and the mom. The whole lot of us were headed out for dinner one night but had stopped by Mike's mom's house for a cocktail.

    As we were enjoying our cocktail, I felt it: an intestinal bubble was trying to emerge.

    The evening progressed and I got more and more uncomfortable. Finally, came time to leave.

    I saw my shining window of opportunity: I could release the fart beast in the brief time between leaving the house and getting into the car.

    Shannon & her hubbie went to start the car. I walked slowing through the garage while Mike & his mom set the alarm inside the house.

    Pppffffffttttt Aaaahhhhh...!

    I was grateful for a silent release as I strode across the garage through the open door. Heck, I was grateful for release at all! At last: I could spend the rest of the evening without fear of a machine gun-like staccato sound erupting from my jeans.

    I continued toward Shannon's car when Mike and his mom walked into the garage. All of a sudden I could see them walk through the green cloud. A visible pallor came over their faces. They started to gesture to Shannon and her hubbie.

    Suddenly, Mike started yelling and Shannon: "Shannon, get over here! Bring your husband! You've gotta smell this!"

    What the heck? Why was Mike yelling as his sister to leave the warmth of the car on a cold winter night to smell my fart? I stood aside and watched as Mike and all this living relatives willingly walked into the sulfurous emissions of my backside to take a sniff.

    Mike continued: "Shannon, smell that. Right here. No, come here and smell it. It's bad! (DM and DBIL nodded in agreement, following their noses around the garage to catch a whiff of the malodourous cloud). You've got to take your car back to the garage and make them fix it right this time. I thought you got your catalytic converter fixed!"

    OMG. Not only where they standing around conferring on where it smelled worst, but now Shannon was going to incur an expense because she thought her car was broken!!

    I liked Shannon. I didn't want her to spend money unnecessarily. So I cleared my throat. I could barely speak. I was both laughing hysterically and crying at the same time. After all, these poor people had no idea that the stink-ridden air they were inhaling deeply had only seconds prior been inside my colon.

    I choked up a bit and all eyes turned to me. Because I'm very fair, I practically glowed from the deep blush of embarassment. As soon as they saw me, saw the look on my face, and heard my nervous laugh, they knew: they were standing in my fart and breathing it into their lungs. I had to confess to Shannon that her car was fine.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2009
  2. FrenchHen

    FrenchHen Chicken Ambassador

    Jan 26, 2009
    Bagshot Row
    I.....................am..............................trying................................very..........................................hard
    ..........................not...................to................wet..................myself.[​IMG]


    Oh man. phew
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2009
  3. luvmychicknkids

    luvmychicknkids Canning Squirrel

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    Mar 6, 2008
    Floresville, Texas
    OMG I do believe I am going to die after reading that!!! [​IMG] That is just WRONG on so many levels!!!! [​IMG]

    I, thankfully, have nothing to share!!! [​IMG] Just ask my children or husband. They will tell you, Mom NEVER gets gas. [​IMG] They truly believe this and I intend to keep it that way!!!!! LOL
     
  4. maplesky7

    maplesky7 Flock Mistress

    Jun 14, 2008
    N. IL.
    I have 3 sisters...that makes 4 girls.

    My dad got tired of guessing what we wanted for Christmas by the time we were all teens and he, mom, and us girls piled in the car and drove to woodfeild mall in Chicago.

    Well, I am the baby and my sister right above me got a touch of something that day and her tummy was just not feeling well.

    We had just arrived and we were standing at the base of a set of stairs discussing our game plan...where each of us would head and when we'd all meet up for lunch...

    It was becoming VERY clear that my sister was increasingly getting more and more uncomfortable. She said, she had to find a restroom right away, so now it was apparent that the FIRST thing on our agenda was to find my sister a restroom.

    Well the map was located a few feet from the stairs and my dad who had been on the first step...stepped down to go towards the map and inadvertantly stepped on my sisters---the sister in pain and sickness---foot.....

    ...which made her cry out, "OW!" and a burst of well, lets just say more than a toot had come out with that one.

    Well,
    We found her a bathroom. Mom went shopping to get her some new undies and a pair of pants and the 2 of them stayed in a restaurant all day. My sister laying across the bench feeling miserable.

    But hey...the rest of us found our Christmas gifts.

    The ride home? eh...not so pleasant. Didn't matter the temperature outside...those windows were DOWN!

    me,
    g
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. ruth

    ruth Life is a Journey

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    Jul 8, 2007
    Woodville, MS
    Jenns - That was a hilarious story - takes a brave person to share that story.

    Here's my story:

    It was Christmas Eve and I dressed my three young pre-teen children in their Christmas finest to attend a special midnight Christmas Eve Mass at St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans where old Archbishop Hannan would be performing his last Christmas Eve service before retiring. The stage is set - incense, latin, candles and dead silence. Everyone is kneeling. Suddenly the lady in the pew in front of us let out poots that sounded like loud woopy cushions.

    I immediately tried to shoot my kids one of those "Don't you dare laugh" looks but my face was so contorted from trying not to laugh that I couldn't look at them. But, I was so very proud of my children because though they nearly had facial lacerations from holding in their laughs, they didn't make a sound. I probably let out more of a laugh than they did. And for the next hour of Midnight Mass and all its symbolism and quiet reverance we each tried our darndest not to let out a laugh that would not be stopped.
     
  6. JennsPeeps

    JennsPeeps Rhymes with 'henn'

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    South Puget Sound
    I should say that I have others, some are mine, others are not. That one is by FAR the best one. [​IMG] I can still feel the horror of watching them walk so bravely to their fate.
     
  7. JennsPeeps

    JennsPeeps Rhymes with 'henn'

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    OMG Ruth - not much funnier than old lady farts in church!!

    <-- crying & laughing... hahahahahahaaaaaaa
     
  8. maplesky7

    maplesky7 Flock Mistress

    Jun 14, 2008
    N. IL.
    oh that's a good one Ruth.


    me,
    g
     
  9. FrenchHen

    FrenchHen Chicken Ambassador

    Jan 26, 2009
    Bagshot Row
    First son was learning how to talk. He'd learned to say the word diaper and associate it with, um, emissions.

    Husband was on the floor with him and let out a sharp one.

    Son says "daddy, diaper."
     
  10. JennsPeeps

    JennsPeeps Rhymes with 'henn'

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    Jun 14, 2008
    South Puget Sound
    Oh, those little kids are always so eager to rat you out, aren't they?!?
     
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