FUNNY Jokes

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by chickenbarn-gal, Jul 23, 2010.

  1. chickenbarn-gal

    chickenbarn-gal Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 6, 2010
    Michigan
    There are some blond jokes

    I hope you wouldn't get offended by blond jokes! There is nothing wrong with blonds its just that brunets get jealous from all the attention that they started to make "Blond" Jokes. I have a few blond jokes that I read and I thought were funny! Please DON'T TAKE OFFENSE IF YOU ARE A BLOND! You can just change "blond" to a silly person while your saying the jokes. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]


    "St. Peter and the Pearly gates"

    This man died and went up St. Peter and the pearly gates. St. Peter looked in the book and said, "Yup, your in! But before you go, I'd like to ask you, is there anything that you've done in your life that you think you'd win a merit for??"
    "Well, yes." The man replied.
    "tell me" Said St. Peter.
    "Okay, So I was driving when I see these motorcyclists surrounding this lady and threatening her. So I got out of my car, and said you'd better stop bothering her! But then they started teasing me too. So I went up the the biggest one, slapped him in the face, pushed over his bike, and ripped out his earring! And said IF YOUR GONNA BOTHER HER YOUR GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME FIRST!"

    Wow! Replied St. Peter with an amazed look. And When did this happen?"

    "Oh, just a few minutes ago"

    "Ransom"

    There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde. She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note, "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

    "Magical Mirror"

    Have you ever heard about the Magical Mirror??? No!?? Well Heres how it goes -
    In NY there is this restaurant, now it's not an ordinary one! Because in the bathroom. there is this MAGICAL MIRROR! It will grant ANY wish you want, but to do this, you must say something that is true, if is a lie then the mirror will suck you up and just a "poof" and your gone!

    So a brunnet goes in the bathroom, looks at herself in the mirror and says while she flushes her hair, "I am the BEAUTOIFULIEST woman in the world!" "Poof!" ... Gone!

    Then a redhead walks in and says, "Hah! I am the SMARTEST girl EVER to walk on this PLANET!" "poof"

    Then a blond watching the two girls say that, walked up. swallowed, took a deep breath. And said. "I think-" "POOF!"

    "Sick and tired"

    There was this typical blonde. She was really tired of being made fun of. so she decided to get a makeover. She went to a salon and had her hair done so that she was a brunette. Now that she was a brunette, she decided she would take a drive in the country. So she hopped into her convertible and started driving.
    She saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, looking skeptical, said she could.
    So the blonde looked at the flock and said, "157." The farmer was amazed because she was right. She picked one out and was getting in her car when the farmer walked up to her.
    "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"


    "News"

    A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
    Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet."
    So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
    The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"


    "Head phones"

    A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off, and turns around to get some scissors and turns back the the blond. the blonde collapses to the ground and was incontinence. The stylist, Scared half to death, picks up the headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

    .......... Hope you liked them! [​IMG]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2010
  2. Cat Water

    Cat Water That Person

    Jul 4, 2010
    Mid Coast Maine
    [​IMG] Those are some of the funniest blonde jokes I have heard in a long time![​IMG]

    I have a funny one...

    A blond, brunette, and a redhead are all working an a bridge.
    The redhead pulls out his sandwich and says, "UUGGGGHHH! Ham sandwich AGAIN?! If my wife packs this for me again, I'm going to kill myself!"
    The brunette pulls out his sandwich and says, "UUGGGGHHH! Bolognea AGAIN?! If my wife packs this for me again, I'm going to kill myself!"
    The blond pulls out his sandwhich and says, "Salami AGAIN?! If my wife packs this for me again, I'm going to kill myself!"

    The next day, the wives all packed the same thing. The men all jumped off the bridge.
    The redhead's wife said, "Oh, if only I knew I would have packed him something different!"
    The brunette's wife said the same thing.
    The blond's wife said, "I don't get it. He packed his own lunch!" [​IMG]
     
  3. chickenbarn-gal

    chickenbarn-gal Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 6, 2010
    Michigan
    Those are some of the funniest blonde jokes I have heard in a long time!

    I have a funny one...

    A blond, brunette, and a redhead are all working an a bridge.
    The redhead pulls out his sandwich and says, "UUGGGGHHH! Ham sandwich AGAIN?! If my wife packs this for me again, I'm going to kill myself!"
    The brunette pulls out his sandwich and says, "UUGGGGHHH! Bolognea AGAIN?! If my wife packs this for me again, I'm going to kill myself!"
    The blond pulls out his sandwhich and says, "Salami AGAIN?! If my wife packs this for me again, I'm going to kill myself!"

    The next day, the wives all packed the same thing. The men all jumped off the bridge.
    The redhead's wife said, "Oh, if only I knew I would have packed him something different!"
    The brunette's wife said the same thing.
    The blond's wife said, "I don't get it. He packed his own lunch!"

    WOW! Lol... That one was REALLY funny!!! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2010
  4. chickenbarn-gal

    chickenbarn-gal Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 6, 2010
    Michigan
    Okay, I saw this on one forum and that it was funny!!!!!!
    ______________________________________________________________


    How to keep a blond busy for hours!


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  5. GlitterKitty

    GlitterKitty Chillin' With My Peeps

    Nov 21, 2009
    This kid has a shirt in my grade that says, How to keep an Idiot busy (See back of shirt)
    Then on the back it says How to keep an idiot busy (see front of shirt)
    lol
     

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