Getting my driver's license...or not?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by 77horses, Jan 6, 2013.

  1. 77horses

    77horses ◊The Spontaneous Pullet!◊

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    [CONFIDENTIAL]
    Hey guys! So I have a little conflict here that I've been dealing with for a while.
    I've had my driving permit for about a year and one month now. I've practiced and practiced and honestly, I think I'm a perfectly fine driver. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't agree with me. She thinks I still need practice. Keep in mind that she is an advocate for carseat safety, a retired firefighter/EMT, etc...she's a very good driver and knows a lot. Then again, she's also a very controlling/non-passive parent. Over the course of having my permit, I've made a few small mistakes every once in a while, just like how everyone does. No one starts off as a perfect driver (not that that should be used as an excuse, either). I've never made any major mistakes though. For example, one time I pulled into a parking spot and barely nudged the front curb by mistake by not stopping quick enough. And when I say barely, I really do mean BARELY. Yet she freaked out and to this day holds it against me and claims it to be a reason for me not being ready to get my license, even though this occurred early on when I first got my permit. She also claims that I hesitate at the light sometimes, like if the light goes from red to green, I'll be distracted by something and not go "quickly enough"...in reality, this has only happened a few times and I might've hesitated a second or two. Still, she holds it against me as a reason for me to not get my license. Another thing is in the beginning, for a little while I had a problem with the right on red concept and intersections. A couple times I almost pulled out in front of someone because it was a 4-way intersection and I thought it was my turn to go. I stopped on time and nothing happened, and since then I've made sure to correct myself and I no longer have a problem with intersections. Which is good, right? You're suppose to learn from your mistakes, right? I learned from that and it made me a better driver. But despite that, she STILL holds it against me and claims that I'm not ready for my license. One last thing; I'm awful with directions. I'm still learning my way around without having to ask how to get somewhere. Knowing where you're going definitely helps you be a better driver, but I don't think not always knowing your way around town should be a deciding factor when considering whether someone's ready to get their license or not. But apparently she thinks so; whenever I'm unsure of how to get somewhere, or need a reminder of which road to take, she gets upset and claims that that's why I shouldn't get my license.
    Other than that, I can drive fine. In fact, I'd say I'm just as good or better than most of the people at my school who have their licenses. And I'm not saying that to brag at all. Most of my friends have their licenses and they're younger than me. I'm a legal adult, so I could send in for it and borrow a friend's car if I really wanted to. One of my friends said she'd let me use hers. My older sister had to do this, without my mom knowing, because my mom did the same thing to her when she had her license. My mom wasn't happy, and wouldn't let my sister be on her insurance. She told my sister she would have to pay for her own insurance if she wanted her own car, JUST because my sister went to get her license against my mom's wishes. Keep in mind, my sister is a perfectly fine driver too. My mom said that if I did the same thing, I'd have to pay for my own insurance and basically wouldn't help me with anything.
    I sat down with her and had a whole talk about it and explained why I think I'm ready to get it. She was still completely against it and simply said that I couldn't let me send in for it with her support until she felt that I was ready. I have no clue when she'll think I'm ready, so basically I'm waiting around on her schedule. She hasn't even been letting me practice lately and I'm getting nowhere.
    I really want my license because not only do I want a state ID now that I'm a legal adult (I don't want to pay money for the state ID without the license and then have to pay more money when I eventually get my license, because I'd just end up spending extra and I don't really want to do that), but I also want to be able to drive myself to work and earn money. I've never had a job because my mom wouldn't let me because I had no way of getting there; she's always busy with work so I can't depend on her to drive me all the time. She has an extra car that I could use to drive myself if only I had my license. I told her I'd even pay for gas myself.
    I just feel like she's being very irresponsible as a parent for not letting me be independent when she has no reason other than her own worries and fears not to. I get good grades in school, I've never gotten into bad stuff, I've always just done what I'm told and I've given her no reason to hold me back. She's just so caught up in work and won't even consider to give me a chance. Everyone starts off at point zero at some point, everyone has to learn from their mistakes. But she's just not letting me do that! She keeps nagging at me about how I need to be more independent and get a job and all that, but she's holding me back and I'm getting no where under her time and schedule.
    My last resort is to just take matters into my own hands, do what my older sister did and send in for my license myself, against my mom's will. I could easily do it, I'd just have to face the consequences of her taking away my phone and internet and making me pay for my own insurance.

    Sorry that was so long, I just really need some advice on what to do. And I guess I just needed to rant a little. If anyone could please help me out, it'd be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
     
  2. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

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    Allowing your child to pull out of the driveway on their own may be the hardest thing a parent allows their child to do. I know that it was for me. I was never a 'controlling' father, as a matter of fact I was the intermediary between my wife and the kids for most of their freedoms, but letting your kid go off in a car is tough. I can't answer for you or your Mom - you have to work that out, It does sound as if you need a method of transportation. Good luck.
     
  3. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

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    Normally I would tell a teenager to suck it up, and pay attention to their parent. But I am going to have to say that with your description of how things work at your home, you may only be able to get your license by going against your mothers wishes.

    Your older sister becomes the example, in this case. You and your mother know that she isn't being reasonable. But it maybe more about the fact that she can't afford to add you to her insurance, or that she doesn't want to admit that you are old enough to venture out in to the world without her by your side.

    As long as you have proven that you are a reasonably good driver, (More than my daughter could say when she got her license at the time. Age 16) then you are going to need to think things through like an adult, and hope for the best. Your mother does seem to be holding extremely unnoteworthy and extremely minor offenses over you as an excuse for your note getting a drivers license.

    I can almost guarantee that she makes the same type of errors from time to time. All drivers, good or bad, make mistakes from time to time. I have yet to meet anyone that has never made some type of mistake at one time or another. Everyone also has a way of thinking that they are the exception to the rule somehow. I have learn from driving for nearly 40 years now, that the department of licencing will a drivers licence to nearly anyone that asks for one. I especially dislike the drivers that clearly can't read. (as in reading traffic signs)

    Driving is about control more often than not. I would much rather drive than be a passenger with another driver. I know that my son is a very good drive and always has been, but I would rather drive, than be a passenger in a car with him. I do know though that there are days when I would be safer with him behind the wheel, than I would be with myself. It's about control.

    I can understand how difficult allowing your child to venture out into the world can be for a mother that has seen the things that she has. I am also sure that having witnessed absolute tragedy when it comes to driving, the task is even more overwhelming. Still the job of a parent is to raise adults, that can venture out into the world and make a place for themselves. Driving is something that has become necessary to do in our modern lives. I do think that some parents forget that they should be raising adults, and not babies that are wrapped up in cotton batting. A parent can not always prevent horrible things from happening to their children. The best anyone can do is to be diligent about our own safety, and that of others.

    Not knowing your mother, my best guess is the real reason that she doesn't want you to get a drivers license is because she doesn't want to pay for the extra insurance coverage. I am concluding this because she has put you in a spot where you can't get your license while living with her, and if you go against her wishes then you have buy your own insurance. It's darned if you do, darned if you don't. There is no way for you to win, achieve, earn, or otherwise succeed in your wish to become a license driver. So somehow you are going to have to pay your own way, and own your own actions in this matter.
     
  4. dewey

    dewey Chillin' With My Peeps

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    No foolin', my mom let my brother start using the car after he announced that he was getting a motorcycle. [​IMG]

    Seriously, though, good, bad, or ugly, usually until we start earning our own money and can pay our own way, the one that controls the purse controls the world.

    Can you figure out any other method to get to a job (walk, bike, bus, ride-share)? My kids got evening jobs around my work schedule when they were young teens.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2013
  5. eenie114

    eenie114 Completly Hopeless

    As far as the state I.D. and money issue, I wouldn't sweat it, if I were you. I think here in Missouri a license is a whole entire $7.50, so it's really not a huge deal to make the switch.

    Now, if I'm understanding you right, the other main issue is that you want a job, right? And you can't get a job without a license. Here's what I did; (not that I'm holding myself up as the paragon of teenage awesomeness, far from it. But it seems like a good plan to me. Duh, that's why I'm doing it...) do a few odd jobs, and do them well, so you can build up a list of references. I applied for a job this last Friday morning, and it was SO NICE to be able to have something to put in the "references and past jobs" field of the application!!
    I assume that you aren't within walking distance of anywhere that would hire you. Could you carpool with friends who work in the same area, if you chip in for gas money? And, obviously, if you work the same hours.
    What kind of an area do you live in? Very rural, kind of rural, kind of urban...?
     
  6. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

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    So does this mean that I can hold you up to being a paragon of teenage awesomeness? ..... Like so no pressure or anything. [​IMG]
     
  7. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

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    I am eenie's weird old uncle Sour, and I vouch for as a 'paragon of teenage awesomeness'. [​IMG]
     
  8. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

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    eenie is the one that keeps claiming she is a normal teenager, and not a paragon of teenage awesomeness. But I have met her in person, and I know that she is a paragon of teenage awesomeness.



    How is that for just a little more pressure eenie. [​IMG]


    Now I am sure she is looking forward to her visit at the end of January even more anxiously. [​IMG]
     
  9. eenie114

    eenie114 Completly Hopeless

    You two are terrible. [​IMG]Okay 77, so maybe you should just do what I do, because I am apparently the next Miss America. [​IMG]
    FWIW, update on my job... I didn't get it, so obviously references aren't everything.

    Have you already graduated? And, if not, what are your college plans, and how are you planning on fitting in a job around school and extra curricular activities? (Sports, art clubs, drama clubs, choir, volunteer hours, yadda yadda yadda. All that fun stuff.)
     

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