Here's to all of us who live in Louisiana, some born and raised here, some got here as fast as they could and others who would like to be from Louisiana. This is the best version of this that I have seen. Let's hear it for Louisiana! Rules of Louisiana: 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-49 goes north and south. Pick one. 4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 rice strippers that are driven only 3 times a year. 5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: Onion, Pepper, and Garlic! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It ain't real Jambalaya. Jambalaya was born and bred in Louisiana....and real Gumbo never met a tomato! 12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a hell of a lot more fun to watch. 14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards it spooks the fish. 15. Colleges? Try Louisiana Tech, NSU, UL, or LSU. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays. 16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so DON'T screw with Louisiana. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. 17. Always remember what a great mind once said: "The United States wouldn't be what it is today if it had not been for Louisiana!" Louisiana is the greatest state ever!!