Good advice from a doctor.

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by TheOLDNewChick, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. TheOLDNewChick

    TheOLDNewChick I'm an original

    Jun 12, 2007
    Tioga, Louisiana
    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegeta bles?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.



    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is o ne to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
    ---------------------------------------------------- ------------------

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Diet Coke in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming"WOO HOO, What a Ride"

    AND......

    For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    2 The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
    and suf fer fewer heart attacks than Amer icans.

    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    CONCLUSION

    Eat and drink what you like.
    Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
     
  2. ilovemychickies

    ilovemychickies Chillin' With My Peeps

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  3. seminolewind

    seminolewind Flock Mistress Premium Member

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    Sep 6, 2007
    spring hill, florida
    Hi Kimmie, you need to stop being so funny, I am out of panties
     
  4. TheOLDNewChick

    TheOLDNewChick I'm an original

    Jun 12, 2007
    Tioga, Louisiana
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  5. NixNoodleNumbat

    NixNoodleNumbat Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 1, 2011
    Australia
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    I found this one a few pages back and had to share.
     
  6. ChickieBooBoo

    ChickieBooBoo Cold Canadian Chick

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    Canada
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  7. ChickLover98

    ChickLover98 The Chicken Princess

    Apr 24, 2010
    Pennsylvania
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  8. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

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    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
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  9. FarmCoe

    FarmCoe Flock Mistress

    May 22, 2010
    Planet Earth
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] HILARIOUS!!!!!! ROFL!!! My whole family are nutritionists! This goes against everything we've ever said. It's soooo funny!
     

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