Grandma Fell

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by herfrds, Nov 19, 2010.

  1. herfrds

    herfrds Songster

    Jan 11, 2010
    DH is down in the city where she lives visiting her.
    She fell the night before and broke the bone in her upper right arm. She is back home and resting.

    DH is mad as fire. He was with her yesterday when my uncle came and told her it was time she went into a home or assisted living and she had 3 days to make a decision or they would make it for her.[​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    I have talked with her about it before. She was looking into them. The biggest problem is the cost. Assisted living there costs around $3500 a month. Nursing homes are around $5000 a month.
    She only gets $1000 a month.

    There is an assisted living home up here that is much less exspensive, but she doesn't want to move so far away.
    I have told her she could move in with us. She has said no, but I will NEVER let her live in a nursing home.

  2. australorpchick

    australorpchick Songster

    Feb 18, 2009
    Canyon Lake, TX
    Does he have some legal power over her? I would think without some sort of power of attorney or having her declared incapable of taking care of herself, there's not much he can do? There's some brilliant minds on BYC, hopefully someone with the right knowledge will chime in.
  3. Ridgerunner

    Ridgerunner Free Ranging

    Feb 2, 2009
    Southeast Louisiana
    With a mother-in-law with Alzheimers and an elderly father-in-law with medical problems, I have seen what my wife's family has gone though and continues to go through. Everyone is concerned with the physical and mental health of the person, but it is not easy to reach a decision. I'm not on here to offer advice, just to let you know you are not alone. It can be a very stressful time.
  4. Judy

    Judy Crowing Premium Member

    Feb 5, 2009
    South Georgia
    Quote:This is correct. The vast majority of elderly people would not be judged incompetent, in which case they have the right to make their own decisions, as they should have.

    The first step is to talk to someone in your area familiar with the ins and outs of this issue. In Georgia, I would refer to your local ombusdman. I THINK this is a national program but they might call it something else in Montana. They will be quite familiar with the various options open to her. If she has been living independently and simply fell and broke her arm, with no other significant medical problems, she would probably not even qualify for admission to a nursing home. Nursing homes have a large book of federal regulations to live by.

    Let me throw in here that nursing homes have changed considerably in recent decades, and at one point were classified as the most heavily regulated industry in the country (I believe nuclear power passed them at some point.) I was involved in the regulation. There are most certainly many nursing homes that provide wonderful care and are staffed by caring people. There are also some exceptions --- which use up a fair amount of regulator's time -- but all nursing homes are thoroughly inspected a minimum of once a year -- this involves a team of surveyors, often staying for 3 or 4 days, and directly observing many aspects of resident care, among other things. In addition, complaints are usually investigated on site.

    Regarding lower levels of care such as assisted living, this is largely determined at state level, and I am not even familiar with the ins and outs of it here, much less in Montana. But your ombusdsman would be.
  5. Buugette

    Buugette [IMG]emojione/assets/png/2665.png?v=2.2.7[/IMG]Cra

    May 26, 2009
    Bucks County, PA
    We had this issue with my grandmother about 5 years ago. My mother and I went to visit her (she lives in Western PA and we live in Eastern PA)... I was appalled by her living conditions. There was no way she could continue to live alone. It was just a matter of time before she fell down the stairs.

    I got her to sign power of attorney over to my mother... then it began. We arrived on Wednesday... I called the best assisted living in New Castle, made an appointment that day, saw the property, got her doctor to sign the paper saying she should be in assisted living for her safety... and by Friday we were moving her in. Everything fell in line like it was meant to be.

    My mother couldn't get her to do anything... she fought everyone. It sometimes just takes the RIGHT person to ask the questions and make it happen. Find out who that is for her... and make it happen.

    We couldn't afford to bring her to our area, too expensive, the difference was like $3000 per month between her staying there and her coming here to an equivalent assisted living location. She is happy there and we know she is safe.

    Perhaps if you bring her to stay with you for a while, she will like it there and be willing to go local to you. You can't badger her, they just get angry, but keep trying.

    Last edited: Nov 19, 2010
  6. herfrds

    herfrds Songster

    Jan 11, 2010
    Uncle has power of attorney.

    I got pretty soured on nursing homes due to the way they treated my MIL and us. I won't go into the full stories, but that place should have been shut down.

    The difficulty she is having is getting into the shower and using the bathroom. I found some wash clothes that can be heated up in the microwave, but she said she didn't want them last week, but she might now. Will call DH about finding her some.
    Called our local assisted living and it would cost $815 a month for a 1 bedroom and 2 meals a day.
  7. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    What about home health nurses aide? They come in for like an hour or 2 a night... they can help her get dinner.. bathe and get ready for bed..etc..
    Call her insurance company..ask them exactly what they pay for... sometimes you just need a doctors orders for them to cover it.

  8. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    There are assisted living facilities that accept people for what SSI pays them. As a former Administator of an assisted living facility, I can tell you they are NOT all horrid, smelly places to be. Nursing homes are for critically ill and frail people who need constant care. They are vastly different than assisted living.
  9. Slinkytoys

    Slinkytoys Songster

    Jun 22, 2009
    Black Forest
    Have Mother revoke Uncle's power of attorney and give it to your husband. Make sure it is Medical and General POA. IF your MIL has money, it will have to be spent down before she can ask for assistance monies. There are many levels of assisted living facilities. Some will even allow a small pet! My FIL was at Sunrise Assisted Living. If you can get her into a facility that has Alzheimer and Nursing area, your MIL wouldn't have to change places if/when she requires a higher level of care.
    It's tough to get old. It's even harder when you are made to think you are a burden to loved ones. [​IMG]
  10. If she has a decent sized home, it might be a good idea to see if you could find an LNA or a nurse of some kind to move in with her. Free rent in exchange for helping her bathe every day, and sleeping there every night.... some kind of house share.

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