Hate having to start over again Warning partial pitty post!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by farmerbrowne, Nov 15, 2015.

  1. farmerbrowne

    farmerbrowne Chillin' With My Peeps

    So it has been roughly five months now since my Exwife wanted to separate and go off where ever. I have my good days but then again I have those days where I miss the life we were starting for ourselves. bit of a background. I ended up in the hospital for six months and wasnt sure if I would make it home again back in late 2013. during that time and when I got out she was cheating on me with another man. for months I was renovating a home for her father to move in to and caught her. I gave her the choice to work on the marrige or to leave and she wanted to try to better herself with me. So being the man I am I agreed and went with her for counseling for 18 months until the day we were supposed to go for a road trip she stated she wanted a separation as in her words "I dont think we will ever be able to communicate to each other". I packed my bags that night. It still kills me inside what she did, I wasnt alowed alot of my stuff nor my dog or any chickens (petty I knoiw but they meant alot to me). I found out three days after I left she had gone back to the man and was communicating with him instead of trying to communicate with me. She ended it with him a few weeks later and I could care less. I have been torn down to nothing. some days I look back and think of what could have been and what was. I blame my self for even though the reasons I was given to why it was my fault dont make sence. She was working at a excellent job so she wanted me to not do firewood but to gut the basement that had mould in it. then it turned to me not excavating around the house to seal it up. along the way she got fired and was angry that I hadnt done much firewood and should have known better. so I went out that day and cut down three cords of wood. that was june. well after weeks of trying to agrange a time that was condusive for her schedual (im working full time she is on welfare now) to sign the separation paper work, I stopped by and see all the wood still laying there ready to be spilt. I just shake my head thinking how was it that apparently everyone but me saw I wasnt doing enough???

    BBQJOE Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 25, 2015
    Void where prohibited.
    I'm sorry to hear about your predicament.

    People can be brutal.
    Failed relationships hurt very much, and take time to get over.

    A quick meaningless fling can sometimes help. But time is the real healer.

    I could go on for hours about my heartbreaks.
  3. farmerbrowne

    farmerbrowne Chillin' With My Peeps

    Yea, im wanting the full heal so to speak. I have been having one of those days.as patetic as it sounds you go **** I need this or it would be great to have help. Im trying to keep busy by working full time, part time, renoing a house to crash at and now have to help some people with their sick chickens. I find night time is the hardest
  4. Teila

    Teila Bambrook Bantams Premium Member

    Howdy farmerbrowne

    I am so sorry to read you are going through this.

    I definitely do not think that not being able to have or see your dog and chickens is petty; in the same circumstances I would be devastated.

    I have a little experience with what you are going through, having been cheated on myself, but, while you are probably sick of hearing this and have been told this by friends and family .. there is life after separation/divorce. As time goes by, those good days are going to far outweigh the bad ones.

    If it was me, and it has been, I would start again, and have. I am not sure where you are staying, but if not a place of your own, make plans to get one .. once you have it, plan for that new coop, those new chickens, a dog of your own etc.

    Venting can help also and there are lots of people on BYC happy to be your sounding board and support should you need it, including me.

    Having said that, having a goal and something to look forward to helps also and is way more productive.

    Hang in there farmerbrowne, this is something you can do!

    Please come back to vent and/or share your good days with us and if you need a boost, I hope we can help [​IMG]
  5. Teila

    Teila Bambrook Bantams Premium Member

    Yep, night time is definitely the hardest and after 10 years on my own, another thing I have experience with [​IMG]

    I found being online was a life safer and went from feeling lonely to sitting up until all hours! I made some great friends on line and got to meet a few of them in person.

    Sporting clubs, social clubs, book clubs … whatever takes your fancy is another good way to break the evening monotony and also somewhere to make new friends.

    Keeping busy during the day is also helpful in that it makes you sleepier and the evenings maybe not so long.

    Of course, there is always that pet .. a dog gives you a good reason to go out for a walk .. a puppy requires obedience training, another good way to make new friends.
  6. farmerbrowne

    farmerbrowne Chillin' With My Peeps

    Yea since the separation I have been getting back into horses. They take up alot of your tine but are soothing
  7. Outpost JWB

    Outpost JWB Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 31, 2014
    Hang in there! I know it's hard, but look at your life changes as opportunities for a better life. My ex husband cheated on me & accused me of everything under the sun. Our son was only 8 years old. It was a very dark time in my life. At some point I questioned my own sanity.

    Fast forward 15 years, I'm remarried to a wonderful husband, have a 10 year old daughter with him, son is grown and married. I had to start over though. I left my bad situation and moved from a beautiful home to an apartment. I couldn't take the verbal abuse anymore and finally came to the acceptance that he was not going to quit cheating, and I would never be able to forget the damage done, and that is not healthy for any marriage.

    Keep your head up and focus on good things in life. Let the bad go. I'll pray for you.
    1 person likes this.
  8. N F C

    N F C More coffee please! Premium Member Project Manager

    Dec 12, 2013
    It is hard when a marriage ends but things do get better, I promise.

    I was married for a long time to someone I finally discovered had a gambling problem and couldn't tell the truth if his life depended on it. By the time I found out we were almost $30,000 in credit card debt alone. It took a lot to get that all settled, the court said I was responsible for 1/2 the debt. I took early retirement from my job to get just enough pension to live on, had to cash out my 401k, and sold my car plus other personal belongings to clean up my 1/2 of everything. Fortunately my brother and his wife took me in for a few months until I could save enough to move and get a place of my own. The happy ending came when I moved to a new state, met a wonderful guy almost immediately and we will have been married 4 years this coming January.

    Trust me, things can look impossibly bad but if you work at making a new life for yourself, your situation will turn around. Just take things one day at a time, one worry at a time. It will get better!
    2 people like this.
  9. Outpost JWB

    Outpost JWB Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 31, 2014

    Just checking in on you. How's things going?
  10. kyzerc

    kyzerc Chillin' With My Peeps

    Nov 7, 2015
    Hang in there,ive been through a couple of real bads ones.I got married the 1st time in1971,we were too young,i was 18 in the navy,and didn't know her as long as i should have.She ran around on me for 18 years.Finally ran off with my friend I was confiding in about it..A man with no car,job,and was married himself.After 2 weeks she said she had made a mistake.She would drop me off at work and never come back for me.It like to have killed me,as ,you say,it is a real bad experience.Took me a very long time to get past it.After a few years I wish she had left sooner.She put me thru some bad times.My kids never got over it.Feel free to chat about it if you need to talk.My second wife was even worst.
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2016

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