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HELP! Making 2 famlies one

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by aeg1001, May 17, 2009.

  1. aeg1001

    aeg1001 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 11, 2009
    Small town, Ohio
    Background- I am 23 and i have one child of my own who is 2 1/2 a girl. My BF,M, is 33 and has three kids 10 a boy, 6 and 1 1/2 both girls. M and i have a past, about 5yrs ago him and his wife seperated, and we dated on and off for about a yr. He kept going back and forth between her and i and i eventually told him we were over till he could decide. He went back with her and I was with my babies father, but i could never get him out of my head. my babies father and i split up. A couple of weeks after the split i heard M and his wife were getting divorced, a friend for me found out the facts, and here we are almost together a yr now.

    The help i need- when we dated in the past i never met his kids bc he was so back and forth. Now we have tried to convert to one happy family, and i knew everything wasn't going to fall perfect but i feel like i am beating my head against a wall. The 10yr old has no respect, for anyone. He talks back, screams at his dad and i, if u tell him to pick up his toys or something and he doesn't want to do it he just wont. I have had many talks with M about his behavior and he just always says "i will talk to him" obvisouly its NOT working. I have NEVER seen kids act the way they do. M just ignores them when they have an attitude and goes on. i CAN'T stand it. The boy yells at me and tells me i am a tadle tale, when his dad tells him to do something and he doesn't, and his dad spaces out like always, i ask M "didn't u tell him to do something?" When the boy back talks his dad, M uaully tells him to quit running is mouth and sometimes he stops. But when i tell him to quit he just keeps going right back. i tell him i am not arguing with him and i quit talking and he keeps right on going. Sometimes M will step in but most of the time he is sleeping or out doing some yard work. WHAT DO I DO????? [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  2. Wifezilla

    Wifezilla Positively Ducky

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    BF is going to have to get his son under control. I know M doesn't want to be the bad guy, but he HAS TO. You can't get in the middle of that. Tell BF that if he doesn't straighten out his kid NOW, he is going to be paying big time when that kid hits 16.

    I have seen what happens to young men who's dads don't do there jobs too many times. In jail, on probation, in fights, drunk....
     
  3. vickie2133

    vickie2133 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jan 30, 2009
    Corbin
    Put your self in his shoes for a minute. He feels his life is turned upside down, and in his eyes you could be a part of his problem. I'm not saying you are, but he may see it as such. You need to find something he enjoys or likes, and become a part of that. He will learn to accept you better, and will with out noticeing it, he will start having a simple respect for you.

    I am a divorced parent and seen how my kids reacted when their father remarried, and didnt' even let them know ahead of time he was seeing this person, or invite them to the wedding. I have worked with some troubled youth also in the past. Just remember kids look at things different than us adults, they need their space to figure things out and how they affect them. He may even enjoy your company, just give him time.
     
  4. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    [​IMG] The only advise i can give you hun is that, you both have to be on the same page..or it simply will not work. You cant always be the bad guy and him the good guy. He may feel guilt about the whole split from the kids mom and is too easy on them because of it..its a tough situation...best of luck! [​IMG]
     
  5. aeg1001

    aeg1001 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 11, 2009
    Small town, Ohio
    I DO AGREE!! I have stated that myself many times. M always says "i just don't know what to do" We have tried grounding him, he doesn't care. we have tried the corner, he doesn't care. b4 i got here M and his ex spanked him, and he didn't care. when i was growing up my mom NEVER hit me and i was terrified of her. i have never seen disrespect like this b4.
     
  6. saddina

    saddina Internally Deranged

    May 2, 2009
    Desert, CA
    (professional opinion)
    The older son will most likely never respect you, his parents split, his dad dated you & his mom, they got back together, then they split up, and dad's back with you. Most kids who's parents split want mommy and daddy to get back together again, in his case they did get back together, and I'm certain you're the "villian" in his mind. If your hope is one day the kid will adore you, or even listen to you, well you may be disappointed. As for M, if he won't step in and parent his child, you need to decide if you want your child in that enviroment.
     
  7. Debi214

    Debi214 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 6, 2008
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    Are the kids living with you and your BF?
     
  8. Debi214

    Debi214 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Richmond, VA
    Quote:I agree on this one - but if they are living with you then you both need to put your feet down and control this behavior.
     
  9. aeg1001

    aeg1001 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 11, 2009
    Small town, Ohio
    I do agree about seeing things through his eye's. But from what everyone has said he treated his mother the same way. today his dad was getting on him about not listening and focusing on the fact of not listening to me and the boy's comment was "i don't listen to mommy, y do i have to listen to her" how am i suppose to take that?
     
  10. aeg1001

    aeg1001 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    May 11, 2009
    Small town, Ohio
    M and his ex have shared parenting. but if you actually tally up the hours they are with us more. no i don't want him to adore me, he doesn't even have to like me all that i am asking for is a little respect. How do i get M to put his foot down??? the boy OPENLY hates his mother here, and supposedly says the same when he is with his mom. like i said i flat out told him he doesn't have to like me just give me some respect. he needs to learn sometime the respect you give is the same you are going to recieve.
     

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