Help! My elderly mother is making me crazy!

[NinnyGillaspie]

First of all, she's only 65, but says that she's gonna die anyday soon. She has always lived in the negative light of everything, and has had so many surgeries I can't even count. Over the years she has become very needy. Now some Dr. has diagnosed her with Parkinson's Disease, but she has no tremors at all. She ran my stepfather so much, that after 32 years of marriage, he had to leave for his own sanity. I live 1/2 mile from her, and am a nurse. The problem is she cries wolf so often, then when I get there, she seems ok to me. Today she has called 3 times. I have a home, dogs, chickens, housework, husband, etc myself. I'm just getting a little crazy.

 

[The Dark Unicorn]

All I can really do is offer a HUGE hug....

Maybe set up times to visit just like a home health aide? Maybe if rules are set it will help?

Just a stab in the dark. Maybe use your experience as a nurse. Look at this from the professional side. She is a patient, her family is asking for help. How would you handle it then?

Or I could just stop by with duct tape and bungie cords when I come back to Texas at the end of the month?

 

[zzGypsy]

Quote:
I think that's great advice... and funny too!

my good shrink talked about his elderly mother once... said she had reached the age where she went on and on about the same old stories, over and over about the same old complaints. he said what worked best was not to pay attention to the particular stories, but look for the reason that those *specific* stories were the ones she told, those *specific* complaints were the ones she made. why were those *particular* ones important to her? why did those specific ones keep coming up? when he figured that out, he could address what was really motivating the telling of those.

maybe she's lonely, or scared, or full of anxiety. maybe she feels some need unaddressed - to be noticed, to be paid attention to in some specific way. if you can find out that, you might be able to do something with it so she'll feel less threatened in the world and she'll calm down some. maybe making a 5-minute call to her a couple of times a day would help her feel less needy. sure it requires a little extra energy on your part, but perhaps if it makes her a little less needy, it would be less stressful for you.

on a more mechanical side, you might talk with her doctor about her behavior. I know that increased anxiety and neediness can be part of the personality changes that go with senile dementia, and I vaguely recall that they're associated with other diseases associated with aging... if those are getting worse, it's possible there's more going on than parkinsons. I know with my MIL, neediness and emotional outburst were two of the first signs that she was starting to lose hold of the world the rest of us live in.

it's useful to set limits, although after so long she probably won't naturally respect them. still you have to maintain your own sanity and take care of your own family too. they have to come first. maybe it's time to consider a different living arrangement, maybe an assisted living home or something like that were there are other trained professionals to help share the load.

and then again, there's duct tape...

 

[NinnyGillaspie]

Thanks Guys for the advice. I love her much, and will do anything for her. She just makes me crazy at times, and needed to vent.

 

[sfw2]

Oh, honey, at 65, she's not elderly. She just acts that way. Bless you for being a good and caring daughter. Feel free to come and vent here, any time.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

I know how you feel. My mother and her MIL are both the same way.

They cry wolf over nothing all the time. They are actually hypocondriacs.

So all I can offer to you is...

Lots and lots of them.

 

[Avalon1984]

My grand mas was jst like that, except that she would call 8 times a day and my mom had to drive to her place (30mi away) 3 times a day to make her food because she didn't like the food that the food service brought for all the eldery patients. She complained about everything all the time. There was never anything wrong for years. One time she complained, we just ignored it and she ended up having a storke and dying from it.

 

[gritsar]

 

[NinnyGillaspie]

Bless all of your hearts for listening to me rant and rave about my mom. Today I feel guilty (which is what she wants) for speaking my mind. All I said is that I believed she could do more for herself than she is letting on. She's mad and isn't gonna call. So I sit here and worry about her, and fret. Just like she wants. Heaven's to Betsie. What a mess.

 

[Beekissed]

As a nurse, you've probably seen many a patient just like your mother. Could be your mother would benefit from nursing home care so she could have closer attention, a social life and doctors on call?