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His and Her Oil Changes

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by WriterofWords, May 14, 2010.

  1. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    Oil Change Instructions

    Oil Change instructions for Women:

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

    2) Drink a cup of coffee.

    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:

    Oil Change: $30.00

    Coffee: $1.00

    Total: $31.00


    Oil Change instructions for Men:

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. Use your debit card for $50.00.

    2) Stop by 7/11 (in the States), and buy a case of beer, (debit $20), drive home.

    3) Open a beer and drink it.

    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

    7) Place drain pan under engine.

    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

    10) Unscrew drain plug.

    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

    19) Remember drain plug from step 11..

    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

    21) Drink beer.

    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

    25) Begin cussing fit.

    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy..

    28) Beer.

    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

    30) Beer.

    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil..

    32) Beer.

    33) Lower car from jack stands.

    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

    35) Beer.

    36) Test drive car.

    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

    38) Car gets impounded.

    39) Call loving wife, make bail.

    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:

    Parts: $50.00

    DUI: $2500.00

    Impound fee: $75.00

    Bail: $1500.00

    Beer: $20.00

    Total: $4,145.00


    But you know the job was done right!


    Last edited: May 14, 2010

  2. LeBlackbird

    LeBlackbird Songster

    Aug 17, 2009
    SE Pennsylvania
    [​IMG] [​IMG]
  3. Nupine

    Nupine Songster

    Nov 21, 2007
    Love it! [​IMG]
  4. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    A friend sent me that who knew about my first husband's oil change challenges,,, it cost my engine in my first Ford PU!
  5. [​IMG]
  6. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln

    Fortunately I got a hubby who does not drink but he can be ornery sometimes.
  7. babymakes6

    babymakes6 Gifted

    Feb 24, 2009
    far west Ohio

    My hubby doesn't drink either, and he keeps our van pretty well maintained.

  8. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    Ah yes,, but ladies no matter how much you desire to defend your other half,, this is still pertinent and funny!

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