His Decision - I Agonize

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Stacykins, Nov 8, 2011.

  1. Stacykins

    Stacykins Crowing

    Jan 19, 2011
    Escanaba, MI
    So I recently found out that my uncle, my father's brother, is going into kidney failure. To make a long story short, he has been battling brain cancer for two years now, at one point it was almost taken care of, but came back.

    So it should seem like a non issue that Dad will give his brother (if he is a match) a kidney, right? Family politics are not to simple. Let's just say my father's family are less than savory people. They are the type of snobbish, holier than thou people that you can't wait for the family event to end because they are venomous. My Dad has three siblings, two sisters and one brother. But the sisters would never, even if they matched, donate one theirs.

    What makes things more complicated and angering, is that my Dad has done so much for his family, but his siblings have done nothing. To put it simply, his siblings abandoned their parents, refusing to help, when my grandfather was going downhill with Alzheimers and my grandmother couldn't physically care for him. This was happening while my father was active duty in the military. So he and I moved my grandparents close by, so we could care for them. Did I mention their finances were in ruin? One of the sisters (who lived in the same town as my grandparents, yet couldn't be bothered to help them) had been skimming money from them. Real charmer, huh? This left my grandparents with almost nothing to retire on. I don't know how he did it, but Dad worked magic with their finances and my surviving grandmother has been able to live comfortably on what little they have. My Dad became my grandfather's constant caretaker (I was away in college at the time, or I would have [​IMG] ) in his terminal days, bringing so much stress on himself but doing it so my grandmother didn't have to. The last time my grandmother saw her other three children was at the funeral, over three years ago. They are very well off (veterinarian, dentist, and married to a doctor), but they can't be bothered to take a weekend to visit their own mother, hardly even calling her.

    So my Dad's family, his brother, has done nothing in return for the family. They're takers, not givers. So it honestly makes my blood run cold knowing that my Dad might endanger his life and health to give a kidney to his parasite family. My mother and I discussed it (she is a nurse) and she even agreed with my thoughts that my uncle should go on dialysis and wait for a cadaver kidney. Especially because there is a very high chance that the chemotherapy will destroy the kidney my Dad would give him. What a useless donation, if he gave his kidney and then it failed too soon after.

    But this is my Dad's decision. And his moral compass points due north. I can only support his choice. I just hope he doesn't have to give his kidney, that maybe his sisters will be struck with a brief moment of selflessness and instead offer theirs.
  2. geckomama

    geckomama Songster

    Aug 12, 2008
    NE Oklahoma
  3. My mother has had TWO kidney transplants so I can sure relate to the agony incipient renal failure causes. [​IMG]

    Are you sure your uncle will even qualify for a transplant? Perhaps that will settle the issue... BTDT, and you sure have my sympathy.
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2011
  4. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    [​IMG] Have you been tested to see if you are a match? Have all of y'all spoken to your uncle's doctor (and maybe your own for an independant opinion) about dialysis until chemotherapy is complete and then the transplant? Or other options?
  5. Stacykins

    Stacykins Crowing

    Jan 19, 2011
    Escanaba, MI
    Since my blood type is A+ and my Dad and siblings are A- I wouldn't be a match. Got the + from my Mom.

    I actually think, for some reason, he is a transplant candidate. It seems like there would be far too much risk of failure, though. I don't know all the details.
  6. Raiquee

    Raiquee Songster

    Jun 15, 2010
    Big Bend, WI
    Just so you know organ donating isn't quite the same as blood donating. Other factors are looked upon to make sure your dad would be a match. They may not even be a match.

    He may not even be a candidate due to brain cancer. Or was that your father that had brain cancer? Either way...I doubt they would take your fathers kidney if he was the one who had cancer.
  7. Stacykins

    Stacykins Crowing

    Jan 19, 2011
    Escanaba, MI
    Uncle is the one with cancer and is losing kidney function, Dad is healthy.

    I just know siblings tend to have the best chances for a match. His sisters likely wouldn't pony up even if they were matches.
  8. MeatKing

    MeatKing Songster

    That sucks that no one else wants to pony up for a kidney. But I agree with another poster that says, even if he's up for it. There's lots of medical test, that have to be good/ for this to come back and be ok.. That's a majore operation, I"m sure you know.. [​IMG]

    It can be a long wait, to wait for health to be good enough fir a transplant, I would think, if he's under going Chemo, they wouldn't try this right now. So your Dad is safe for now, I hope!! My Dad died because of Kindney Failure, They wouldn't let him have a Transplant again, (Heart not strong enough) I miss him [​IMG]

    [​IMG] I hope it gets better soon!!
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2011
  9. Kickin.Cowgirl

    Kickin.Cowgirl In the Brooder

    Nov 7, 2011
    Quote:I'm sorry you're goin through this.... Your dad sounds like a noble guy... It would boil my blood if my aunts wouldn't step up as well....[​IMG]
  10. WingingIt

    WingingIt Songster

    Apr 16, 2009
    Try not to worry until you know if he's a match or not. My DH tried to be a donor for his brother. Same parents, same blood type.....no where near a close enough match. So you never know. If it makes you feel any better, his family isn't the only one with issues like that. DH tried to donate as did I and some cousins. Their Mom is deceased. Their Dad refused to be tested, it might cause him some physical pain when recovering. [​IMG]

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