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How did that just happen?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by MeatKing, Oct 1, 2011.

  1. MeatKing

    MeatKing Chillin' With My Peeps

    So, as a rule.. i am in charge of kids, etc.. I do drop off's, pick ups.. Birthday parties etc.. so, I never have any me time..Would like a shower without kids coming in and out.. But whatever I can live with that.. but every now and then I need a little me time...
    So I told DH, this am, when he was leaving for today.. Tomorow is all yours.. IE, he takes care of kids, meals etc..

    So tonight he got home after being gone all day, his BF said to me.. What are you doing tomorow? I say Not much.. He looks at DH ands says well good, will be over in am to get you, we will get wood.. huh, really this was a set up right?

    An hour later, Dh says, if your gonna be here, why don't you watch dear niece.. A baby for a few hours.. I don't mind watching niece ... Bu this is my BIL second day of ever watching his baby for the day.. SIL went back to work and he's getting quick training on watching his DD.... . I would love to see niece and have our kids play together, They really don't see each other enough, as far as I'm concered..

    But really, was gonna be my one day , in like the last 6 months to do whatever.. DH didn't know (cause I never told him) was gonna take dog for a big walk, talk my first yoga class, and pull out all winter clothes and put summer clothes away...

    Really.. Gonna make the best of it, can't wait to have her here!! Were gonna have a blast.. But I guess no long walk, or yoga.. Really need to start taking of myself... How do I carve out my time, without pissing people off?

    Am I being selfish for wanting me time?
     
  2. m.kitchengirl

    m.kitchengirl Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 4, 2011
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    You absolutely should have some time for you.
    I have a hard time carving it out for myself, too. I am a single Mom and I love to be with my kids, but I also know I am a better Mom when I feel fulfilled and happy and whole as an individual.

    I find it is good to do a few things - sign up for a yoga class with set times & days of the week & pay for it. Once you have paid for the class you & your spouse won't want to waste the money having you miss the class.
    Maybe tomorrow your husband could rearrange the schedule so you can still take the long walk. If he did breakfast and hung with the kiddos while you took a walk you could organize your thoughts and approach the day with more enthusiasm and joy to see your niece and kids play together.
    You also have to (and so do I, this is coming from a "takes one to know one" perspective) remember - if your choice to take a yoga class or spend a day giving yourself the love & care you so often give others angers people in your life they are not thinking of you, or your best interests. They aren't worried about how their plans for the day will make you feel, maybe you (and I) should develop a thicker skin about how they feel when it runs counter to your feeling good.
    There are times when you have to shelve me time, and getting wood may be a good reason - winter coming, etc - but you need to love YOU enough to know your day is just as important as everyone else's.
    Good luck.
    Have fun tomorrow, no matter how you spend it, but get that yoga class and long walk this week - you deserve it. (In exchange I will NOT let other people's messes make me feel like I can't do the things I want to do when I spend everyday cleaning up after them every other day of the week! Holy run-on sentence, I guess I am a little grumpy about my inconsiderate family right now.)
     
  3. watchdogps

    watchdogps Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jun 4, 2011
    Central Ohio
    No, but as sson as BF said that, I'd have told BF "sorry, I'm not doing much because thats what my plan is - nothing DH is in charge, so you will have to get wood some other time or take all the kids with you. "
     
  4. Rusty Hills Farm

    Rusty Hills Farm Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 3, 2008
    Up at the barn
    So tonight he got home after being gone all day, his BF said to me.. What are you doing tomorow? I say Not much.. He looks at DH ands says well good, will be over in am to get you, we will get wood.. huh, really this was a set up right?

    Guys are not mind readers and we have no problems speaking up for ourselves, so we really don't "get it" when the ladies in our lives DO have a problem. If you don't speak up for yourself and be firm about it, this will just keep happening and the men in your life will think you are fine with it. You HAVE to develop a backbone about your own free time or you won't ever get any and you'll just resent the heck outta him because he does! This is one of those "Men are from Mars" issues. Stick to your guns and don't back down.


    Rusty​
     
  5. Thomas423

    Thomas423 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Mar 21, 2009
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    Maybe instead of asking for a whole day occasionally, set it up where you have a couple of hours weekly. That way DH knows the schedule and can plan accordingly. It benefits the whole family for you to have time to take care of yourself, especially DH [​IMG]
     
  6. vclark321

    vclark321 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    You are not even remotely being selfish to have a little time to yourself! You deserve the time to rejuvenate and restore yourself. When I put my foot down and did the same thing, I did make people angry, but that was because I had disturbed the natural order of things. (ie, me being available, at beck and call, felxible and never saying no, 24/7) I stayed the course and held my ground and the dust settled and everyone survived and now it is expected I will be unabailable.

    Remember, you need to be vocal with your needs and take care of yourself. If momma ain't happy, then nobody will be happy! I saw this printed somewhere, 'when you die, you have 2 dates on your grave marker. It's the dash between them that is most important'. You may end up feeling resentful and that is not healthy for you. Put things in perspective and look up the word shelfish, so you have a clear definition of the word before you label yourself.

    Maybe having a large desk calendar on the side of the refridgerator with things clearly marked would help. That is how I did it. Good luck and remember to speak up and be your own advocate and make your needs known. Gentle, yet firm. Go girl!
     
  7. Cpprpnny19

    Cpprpnny19 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I would say all you need is better communication-

    "DH, I have a yoga class at xxx Thursday-you need to be available from
    xx time to xx time"

    And if he forgets......forget to make dinner! [​IMG]


    Lynne [​IMG]
     
  8. dainerra

    dainerra Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:Guys are not mind readers and we have no problems speaking up for ourselves, so we really don't "get it" when the ladies in our lives DO have a problem. If you don't speak up for yourself and be firm about it, this will just keep happening and the men in your life will think you are fine with it. You HAVE to develop a backbone about your own free time or you won't ever get any and you'll just resent the heck outta him because he does! This is one of those "Men are from Mars" issues. Stick to your guns and don't back down.


    Rusty

    This!!! X1000! Why does your husband get free time? Because he says "tomorrow I'm going to the deer woods" and the next morning when you give him a list of chores he says "when I get back. I'm going to the deer woods" and he GOES!

    You had planned a day of peaceful nothing. When they dumped a day of babysitting on you, you should have said "sorry, I can't" Instead, you are going to spend a resentful day babysitting and thinking of all the times he takes time off and you never do.

    You've got to take care of yourself, no one else is going to do it for you!
     

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