How do you stay positive?

Poulets De Cajun

11 Years
Jun 14, 2008
Houston MetroMess, Texas
I'll be the first to admit that I am an internet junkie, spending a lot of my free time surfing the web, and corresponding with folks from around the nation who have the same interests as I do. However, it's taken me a very long time to realize how toxic forums can be. Its also taken me a very long time to learn how to stay positive, and realize that someones written word, displayed across my computer screen can't, and won't hurt or affect me unless I allow it to.

Since we are here, lets use BYC for example. It is 25,000 plus members strong, and with that amount of people, there is certainly going to be a lot of folks whom I wont always agree with, who may not agree with me, and who may very well not like me simply based on the words they read. The fact is, that these people may never know me any deeper than the words on their screen, and I may never know them. But does the lack of knowing someone, and the barrier of a screen and keyboard give anyone the right to disrespect another?

It's always easy to hammer out a few digs and insults, because text messages and emails completely strip out any human emotion, and combined with the fact that there isn't a person standing in front of you, makes it even easier. But do you re-read your messages before you send them, and would you tell another person what you're typing if they were there standing in front of you? In a past time, I can say that I didn't think about it, and posted whatever thoughts and opinions came to mind without paying any attention to the tone of my words and how they may impact another. I've since learned to be more careful in what I post, and how I post it, and I hope that I can continue to hone those skills more and more. I also try to remember that the thoughts and opinions of others are just that, thoughts and opinions of which they are fully entitled to have without being chastized for; after all will their thoughts and opinions have any impact on my life and the things that I choose to do? Probably not.

Stay positive, even when messages and words try to get the best of you. Dont let a few negatives get in the way of all the positives. If you cannot respond with something you would tell another person in person, then dont! Respect and kindness are contagious, spread them around as much as you can. And remember, not everyone has to agree on how to get things done, just as long as things get done! It's not how you get there, whats important is that you get there.

This may sound strange to some, but it was simply a 'random rambling' that I was struck with after reading a few messages this morning.... Have a great and safe weekend!


11 Years
Jul 15, 2008
Great post and good advice!

I think an appropriate response to another's post is to simply state that you disagree and why. I don't get the insults and name calling that I see on forums. Some forums' terms of service (tos) are very clear about name calling but others allow it and I think it leads away from lively debate to discussion deterioration.


10 Years
Feb 5, 2009
Granite Falls WA
I'm new to the forum but I am definitely not new to the world of the internet. One thing I have learned and taught my kids (who are adults now) anyone can be anything on the internet, they are not always what they seem. Case in point was the people who were just on BYC and scammed everyone for who they really were. That was bad. Yanking people's heartstrings and faith in the human race is just awful. I try to be true to myself and the people I write to on the internet. Diplomatic if I can. You said it best...if you can't say it to the person's face then don't say it at all. I think that people think the internet is like a big blanket and they can't see you so that allows them to say WHATEVER they want. Not true. Especially here on this website. This so far in the 10 years plus has been the most versatile, informative and caring website I have ever been on.
I can't say enough about this site.

There are times for debates (arguments if you will) that are informative, stimulating and visually challenging. (since it isn't done in person) I'm meaning computer, internet and use of the vocabulary. I always tell my husband there are two kinds of arguments: Constructive and Destructive. Constructive is where you hash it out..get it out of your system and end up with a result in the end. All things get said so that both sides can be seen. Destructive is when terrible things get said, feelings get hurt and NOTHING gets solved, words can't be taken back and resentment simmers below the surface. People need to realize it's ok to debate, but not to debase someone in the process.

I learned in my second marriage (widowed first but married young) that men and women definitely think differently. By that I mean, how they come to their ideas are completely different. Example:
I told my DH I wanted to change the computer/laundryroom. We got sooo frustrated trying to get our ideas across, I felt like he didn't hear what I said, he felt like I wasn't comprehending what he said...end result? lol...we visually walked through what each of us wanted to do and you know what? It was exactly the same as the other...we looked at each other and said "WOW....That's what I wanted!" My point? Everyone thinks different...expresses it differently but mostly we have the same ideas basically. No one is the same. People are not generic. People should think about that before they respond to something in anger, haste or irritation.

It would be nice if people thought to themselves before they hit that enter button...did I make my point? Was it rude? Should I put a smiley in there? What would I think if someone typed that to me?
I think your rambling was insightful and so very true. A gentle reminder to be nice is always good!
Thank you!

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