Humor - trip to kohl's

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by Gypsi, Aug 22, 2010.

  1. Gypsi

    Gypsi Songster

    Warning: Don't drink anything while you are reading this.


    (This is just too funny! This could only be true; you simply can’t make this stuff up!)

    Clutching their Kohl’s shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit, no flies, no smell. “What business could that poor kitty have had here?” murmured Ellen.

    “Come on, Ellen, let’s just go...”

    But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, “I’ll just put my things in your bag, and then I’ll use this tissue....”

    She dumped her purchases into Kay’s bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Kohl’s bag and cover it.

    They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen’s burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay’s Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.

    They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to K & W Cafeteria.

    They went through the serving line and sat down at a window table. They had a view of Kay’s Chevy with the Kohl’s bag still on the trunk.

    BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a big woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car. She looked quickly this way and that, and then took the Kohl’s bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.

    It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. “Can you imagine?” finally sputtered Ellen. “The nerve of that woman!” Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief.

    Just when she thought she’d have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen’s eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized the big woman in the red gingham shirt with the Kohl’s bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier.

    Helplessly they watched the scene unfold:

    After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.

    After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.

    Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver.

    A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes, the big woman with the red gingham shirt emerged, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney.

    Two well-trained EMT volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance doors................the Kohl’s Bag perched on her stomach!!

    God does take care of those who do bad things! AND once in a while...He allows us to witness!
  2. GlitterKitty

    GlitterKitty Songster

    Nov 21, 2009
    [​IMG] Serves her right! [​IMG]
  3. chicknduck

    chicknduck Songster

    May 21, 2010
  4. Cindiloohoo

    Cindiloohoo Quiet as a Church Mouse

    Dec 19, 2009
    Southwest TN
    That stolen bag of Kohl's "merchandise" will cost her a pretty penny after the ambulance ride and hospital never pays to take something that doesn't belong to you... [​IMG]
  5. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

    Jan 12, 2007
    Land of Lincoln
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    I hope she would learn not to steal stuff and the wonder of the ER personnel would come down tenfold on her...quizzing her about the cat and why she had it there LOL!
  6. Chickie'sMoma

    Chickie'sMoma Songster

    Mar 21, 2009
    Rochester, NH you think this lady would learn to look before you sneak...away with a strange bag of 'goodies'? [​IMG] as gross as it was i can imagine her story she would have to tell an officer or hospital staff about her 'find'
  7. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    She'll probably be kept for a mental evaluation once they see whats in the bag too!
    What is she going to say.." No doc, its NOT my dead cat that i'm carrying around... You see, i stole it...."
  8. HorseFeatherz NV

    HorseFeatherz NV Eggink Chickens

    Wouldn't it have been something if it was the thief's cat in the bag.

    Last edited: Aug 22, 2010
  9. Q9

    Q9 General Headache

    A brilliant example of the Bible verse, quoted in part: "For vengeance is the Lord's." So true. This screams justice from above, and is also proof positive that God has a sense of humor.
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2010
  10. eenie114

    eenie114 Completly Hopeless

    Wow. I ALMOST feel sorry for her. Almost. Not really.

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