Counseling will help. If he won't go with you, go alone. I put up with this kind of treatment for 25 years before I realized it takes two to make a good marriage. I'm in a good one now.
Husband is cheep cheep
- Thread starter Ninjasquirrel
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What if you put the trash in his vehicle the night before? Then he won't have to get up early to do it, but he'll surely know it's there so he can drop it off at his parents' on the way to work. Would that work?
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- #33
Love is patient and love is kind. Thats how we're trying to be...or at least I'm trying to be. I lost my patience today qnd I apologizedI'm not saying your husband's behavior is right, but let's say he doesn't cave if you refuse to take the trash. Is this a hill you want to die on? Is it worth all the tension and stress on your relationship?
I know you're newly married and there can be a lot of frustrations in the beginning, but I have found that things like this, frustrating as they may be, will not get better and will not improve your marriage if you dig your heels in, even if you're "right".
I'll share a little story, if you'll indulge me. I'll preface if by saying I'm a Christian and a stay at home mom, as that makes a difference in my perspective.
I had approached my husband a couple years ago about the idea of donating most of the kids clothes after they outgrew them. For whatever reason, going through all their clothes, sorting and bagging and organizing by size to pack for later gave me such angst. I'm not a very organized person and it was something I avoided doing until I couldn't anymore. We buy almost all the kids clothes second hand, and they are all still very young, so to buy them a few new pieces every season would not be expensive. He said no, he didn't want to waste money. I had brought up the subject with him a couple of times after that, because of the amount of angst it gave me, and his answer was always no.
I decided I wasn't going to bring it up again but I was going to pray about it, either that God would change his mind, or that I could get my act together and learn to manage it better.
He told me a couple days ago, out of the blue, that he changed his mind! ( We've been all working on reducing the amount of clutter in the house and he realized how much space and time saving all the clothes was taking) Truly a miracle. I don't think he would have come to that conclusion if I had kept bugging him about it, or was manipulative, or refused to do it.
I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. Relationships can be complicated, and I think your situation is more so because his parents are involved. I hope you can work something out.
Being a Christian does not mean you have to be a victim or a doormat. Love your neighbor AS you love yourself. A wife is to be subject to her husband in the Lord, but the Lord would never be unreasonable or abusive. The husband is to honor and cherish his wife and be willing to give himself, that is, to lay down his life for her, if need be. Laying around on his backside and making her do all the work does not fit the bill. And saying, "show me the gas bill, but the answer will still be no," ? That's not respect. Well. I've said enough, probably more than enough. I wish you well, Sister. 
And I will pray for you both.
And I will pray for you both.- Thread starter
- #35
Woke up this morning with a very clear mind. We are both very stubborn people and sometimes if we both have our mind set it can be like the unrelenting force meeting the immovable object. I need to let him stew on it and bring it up again later. In the mean time I'll try to have all the facts laid out before I approach the subject again.
WIchickMama
Free Ranging
100% true. Very well said.Being a Christian does not mean you have to be a victim or a doormat. Love your neighbor AS you love yourself. A wife is to be subject to her husband in the Lord, but the Lord would never be unreasonable or abusive. The husband is to honor and cherish his wife and be willing to give himself, that is, to lay down his life for her, if need be. Laying around on his backside and making her do all the work does not fit the bill. And saying, "show me the gas bill, but the answer will still be no," ? That's not respect. Well. I've said enough, probably more than enough. I wish you well, Sister.
With all that being said, do you not have any of your own money? If it was me and I had my own money and this was causing me such grief and stress and my husband wasn't seeing the light, I would set up the trash pick up and pay for it myself. I know that I have any extra $30 that I could devote to something that would make my life so much better, I mean I spend way more than that on my chickens. Just my two cents.
Pay for it yourself...
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- #38
We have our finances combined so its our money and therefore needs to be a mutual agreement. I think he'll come around after he thinks on it. He's never been good at feeling backed into a corner. I think he just got defensive and was being stubborn because of it. Plus at the same time hes worrying about work and putting a new roof on the house. After the roof is done I'll approach the subject more casually and hopefully we can come to an agreement on the subject.
I think you've gotten a lot of great advice. If you feel like you want to drop it for now you can always ask a moderator to close the thread of further posts.
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- #40
Yea I think we can go ahead and close. I appreciate everyones advice though.
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