I am NOT a bad mom.

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Damummis

Chickenista
10 Years
Apr 29, 2009
1,350
6
169
Mid-Coast
I really am. I don't like my 15 year old. I love her but she is not on my fav list right now. I wind up crying every time she is home. How are you not suppose to compare kids when they can be so different and conjure up such a contrast in feelings??

DH says I am wasting emotion and energy on her. She doesn't care about me why should I care about her?? This logic kills me.

Just needed to get that off my chest.
 
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Egg_newton

Songster
10 Years
Jun 19, 2009
712
3
129
East Central Indiana
Your not a bad mom. I can tell you from seeing the way me and my two older sisters acted as teenagers. Teenage girls are the worst. Sometimes I fight with my pre-teen daughter, too and feel like the worst mom ever. Other times we wrestle, cuddle, and laugh together. It's your daughter not you.
 

Chickenmaven

Songster
10 Years
Feb 6, 2009
2,064
15
181
Michigan
You only have to tolerate your teens. They will turn into human beings, soon enough.
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My best advice is to not *catastrophize* what is going on right now. What I mean is do not attach some sort of epic meaning to every stupid thing your teen does.
And I know it is hard NOT to do so!

I look at my brillliant DS and his terrible study habits and get all weepy, thinking he will fail in college and then (sniff) fail in LIFE.
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You are not a bad mom. You are "typical". I think this is one of the rare times that it is good to feel typical, regular, average, etc. Talk to more parents. They will tell you that their teens make them feel fragile & stupid & failing. This, too, shall pass.
 

sourland

Broody Magician
Premium Feather Member
12 Years
May 3, 2009
118,873
339,036
1,977
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When my daughter was in that 15+ age bracket, I couldn't stand her. She went from being my best buddy to an adversary. My wife counseled that this would pass and that I should be patient. When she had her first child I went to Georgia and baby-sat for a week after my daughter first went back to work. We wanted the baby to be little older before she went to daycare. My daughter and I had time to sit down one on one and talk this mess out. It's all about them proving that they "no longer need us." This will pass. Pick your battles. Ignore what you can, and walk away from the rest. If your relationship was better prior to this, it will eventually get back to normal. Don't alienate yourself as I did for far too long. I know how tough it can be. Good luck, Geo.
 

purr

Songster
11 Years
Apr 30, 2008
2,061
3
191
east freetown, ma
you are not a bad mom, teen girls are tough

Mine used to tell me she hated me every day. Sometime screaming it

And I would chuckle softly and tell her she was supposed to , that's the way it works.
Don't take anything she does or says personally. She is just abusing you because when it comes down to it ,she knows you will still love her after.She can't scream at freinds or classmates or teachers. But she can do it to you , Because with you she is always safe
She's trying to get a reaction out of you , when you break down she feels like she's won. don't let her do that or every time you have a fight it will turn into a competition
 

froggie71

Songster
10 Years
Apr 18, 2009
2,972
22
191
Shamong, NJ
Feeling the same way here with 2 of my 3 DS's 1 is 15 almost 16 and the other is 14. It doesn't help that the 15 year old has ADD either and believes that his life is soooo stressful right now and that it all is because of me. Getting the idea that I'll be feeling the same way soon about the 12 year old as he gets closer to being a teen. *sigh* Can only hope we will be friends again one day. I sure do miss my babies.
 

sparkles2307

Terd of Hurtles
11 Years
Oct 23, 2008
6,025
14
251
Northwestern Minnesota
"Grandchildren are the reward we get for not strangling our teenagers..."

I have an impossible 15yo stepson and I told DH the same thing, he is wasting his energy on trying to have a relationship with someone who couldnt care less.
 

sourland

Broody Magician
Premium Feather Member
12 Years
May 3, 2009
118,873
339,036
1,977
New Jersey
What Purr said! Part of our conversation contained this "Dad, the day you threw the cheeseburger on the table and told Mom-I'm sorry, but I can't take this and walked away-I knew I could get you whenever I wanted and you were no longer in charge." At about age thirty or so, I once again became intelligent and needed. It really is about them proving to themselves that they don't need us. Not!
 
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