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I finally reached out today.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by debilorrah, Aug 8, 2010.

  1. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    For those that do not know, my best friends husband is 3 months from losing his battle with bile duct cancer. Two weeks ago, he was told 6 months, so things are not going well. Since finding out about his diagnosis two weeks ago, I have alternated from anger, fear for my friend, and tears.

    Today, with the help of my dear friend, I was finally able to talk to her husband without breaking down. I explained why I took so long to call and all he had to say was "You have a been a very good friend to this entire family for so many years, I look forward to seeing you soon".

    [​IMG] How do you handle it when someone you love is surely going to die. We are all believers in Christ, and this dear man has already had a few visits from angels, so we all know the time is near. Probably not going to make the 3 months.
  2. Hillbilly Hen

    Hillbilly Hen Crowing

    Apr 11, 2009
    Newaygo Michigan
    [​IMG] [​IMG] I don't have any words for you but I am sorry
  3. agnes_day

    agnes_day Songster

    Aug 29, 2008
    [​IMG] i am so sorry. [​IMG]
  4. Camelot Farms

    Camelot Farms Chickenista

    Debi, I believe that your visit helped him to remind him that those he is leaving behind will be in good hands, making his journey easier.

    I have often wondered which is worse/better...knowing when the end is near or not knowing. I have come to believe that knowing is better for those who are being left behind. It gives us time to process the impending loss. It gives us a chance to say the things that are in our hearts and gives us an opportunity to help our loved ones to make the journey back home. Your actions today have dont that.

    Death is really more about those of us who are left behind grieving than about the person who has gone on ahead. I try to remind myself that while I am crying tears of sorrow, they are crying tears of joy. While I am cold and lonely, they are wrapped in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father and filled with the warmth of his spirit.

    You are both blessed and a blessing...

  5. CoyoteMagic

    CoyoteMagic RIP ?-2014

    You sit and hold their hand. You laugh about things from the past. You tell stories that their kids may not know about. You take time to write or record things they want to tell their kids about getting married, having babies, all the things they won't be here to do. You make them all their favorite foods. You hang out so that the family can have some time away from the situation if it's even for an hour. You bring meals, do laundry, watch the kids. Whatever you think would help.

    Don't be afraid to ask, "What do you need me to do?"

    Hang in there Deb
  6. 42Chickens

    42Chickens In the Brooder

    Aug 8, 2010
    Dillsboro, Indiana
    Read Saddled by Susan Richards. The book helped me with loss, not a husband but a horse. We all love different. Good read and she is a pro at finding your core!
    Sorry to relate the loss of my horse to your husband. No contest here but it ia a very good book. I sobbed thru the entire thing! I know that you need no more crying but this book is awesome. She helped me.
  7. vfem

    vfem Yoga...The Chicken Pose

    Aug 4, 2008
    Fuquay Varina, NC
    You just love.
  8. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Right now, they are trying to go everywhere he always wanted to go. They have a trip planned to Puerta Vallarta at the beggining of September, and today he said he didn't think he would be here to see it. They made it to Montana, Las Vegas, and today Laguna Beach to eat at Las Brisas.

    I never really knew I could be so sad about his impending death. He has been a real pain in the butt for so many years, I guess we all figured he would outlive everyone.

    I feel kinda lost, actually. I have offered my help to my friend, and she knows I will be there for her when the time comes. Her kids accuse her of giving up. It is not giving up at this point, it is acceptance.
  9. CoyoteMagic

    CoyoteMagic RIP ?-2014

    There is a difference between "giving up" and "acceptance". Giving up is just lying there in bed and letting the jerk (GrimReaper) win. Acceptance, is knowing that GR going to win, but he's going to wait until every ounce of energy is gone from the body. The person will die, but they will have gone out the way they chose.

    Get everybody together for a movie night. One must see is Rocket Gibralter. was a rather low rated movie but then again, ones that make you think usually are. 2 more are FoxFire and Dance with a White Dog by Hallmark. Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronyn in both of them. Good for a good cry and opening people up to talk
  10. Germaine_11.20

    Germaine_11.20 Songster

    Jun 6, 2009

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