I do not like airing my personal issues online for all to see but I could use some different insights My mother has a neurological issue, a cousin to Muscular Sclerosis. Mom is getting weaker from her illness. She gets twice monthly IVIG treatments that requires her to be driven an hour away and an hour back. One of my sisters, had a heart attack and went into congestive heart failure, and is now suffering form multiple infections, loosing her house and job and insurance. She now has an infection eating a hole in her leg and is struggling to get it treated because of loosing her job and insurance from her heart attack. Her son was just diagnosed with the severest form of bi lateral grand mal seizures. We don't know if He will get increasingly worse or not. He is currently staying with his father because there is no room here for him, but his father runs a large business and is unable to stay home with him enough to keep an eye on him, so a lot of that weight has fallen upon my niece who is my nephew's older sister. She has shown real responsibility. She is high school student, works and is helping to care for her brother. We're very proud of her though such responsibility shouldn't fall on the shoulders of one so young. Then the VA stopped sending my stepfather his meds, he swelled up with 30 pounds of water weight, his blood pressure surged and I took him to the ER last night. They found fluid around his lungs and a mass in his lungs. They believe it is cancer by the way it is presenting himself so we need to take him to Birmingham AL for a biopsy and treatment this evening. I am in the process of trying to get a handicapped accessible house built, with the help of my Bio-father, but his heart stopped the other day, they got it started again but i am concerned about letting him help me on this house. I don't want to stress his health. I would rather have him around. That makes things a bit harder since he was teaching me as we went on the house. Building much of it ourselves means I can stay within a tight budget. Now I am not sure what to do. I don't know If I can afford to finish this house nor do I have the know how to do it alone. I designed this house so that it will be big enough for all of us and set up to handle my nephew's, mom, step dad's, and sister's increasing disabilities so it is imperative it gets finished. Meanwhile I have stopped doing volunteer work because of time and energy, dating, and I have had to take a hiatus as the researcher for an education group in Iowa. My brain just can't handle researching genocide and human rights violations right now. My house and yard has become pretty messy. I am struggling to keep up. I do ensure the animals are cared for but By the end of the day I can't even vacuum I'm so wiped out. My free time is spent researching construction and building codes and taking bids for materials as well as drawing up estimate sheets and construction budgets to make sure I stay on budget. Add in that I am dealing with issues from a car accident, head aches depression, and anxiety, partly due to things that have occurred in the past, I just feel like I can't keep up. I feel so isolated, and I get so lonely. Its times like this that makes me wish I had a spouse to lean on. I have friends to talk to, and they have been great, but to have someone physically here, to hold and lean on... It's odd, normally I am so independent, but there are times having a significant other can be incredibly comforting, especially when everyone else around you is struggling. I am praying for strength to weather this, and recovery for those around me. OK Now I am just rambling aimlessly.