I just can't take it anymore Update: possessed table tops.

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by KristyHall, Nov 19, 2012.

  1. KristyHall

    KristyHall Overrun With Chickens

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    I do not like airing my personal issues online for all to see but I could use some different insights

    My mother has a neurological issue, a cousin to Muscular Sclerosis. Mom is getting weaker from her illness. She gets twice monthly IVIG treatments that requires her to be driven an hour away and an hour back. One of my sisters, had a heart attack and went into congestive heart failure, and is now suffering form multiple infections, loosing her house and job and insurance.

    She now has an infection eating a hole in her leg and is struggling to get it treated because of loosing her job and insurance from her heart attack. Her son was just diagnosed with the severest form of bi lateral grand mal seizures. We don't know if He will get increasingly worse or not. He is currently staying with his father because there is no room here for him, but his father runs a large business and is unable to stay home with him enough to keep an eye on him, so a lot of that weight has fallen upon my niece who is my nephew's older sister. She has shown real responsibility. She is high school student, works and is helping to care for her brother. We're very proud of her though such responsibility shouldn't fall on the shoulders of one so young.

    Then the VA stopped sending my stepfather his meds, he swelled up with 30 pounds of water weight, his blood pressure surged and I took him to the ER last night. They found fluid around his lungs and a mass in his lungs. They believe it is cancer by the way it is presenting himself so we need to take him to Birmingham AL for a biopsy and treatment this evening.

    I am in the process of trying to get a handicapped accessible house built, with the help of my Bio-father, but his heart stopped the other day, they got it started again but i am concerned about letting him help me on this house. I don't want to stress his health. I would rather have him around.

    That makes things a bit harder since he was teaching me as we went on the house. Building much of it ourselves means I can stay within a tight budget. Now I am not sure what to do. I don't know If I can afford to finish this house nor do I have the know how to do it alone. I designed this house so that it will be big enough for all of us and set up to handle my nephew's, mom, step dad's, and sister's increasing disabilities so it is imperative it gets finished.

    Meanwhile I have stopped doing volunteer work because of time and energy, dating, and I have had to take a hiatus as the researcher for an education group in Iowa. My brain just can't handle researching genocide and human rights violations right now. My house and yard has become pretty messy. I am struggling to keep up. I do ensure the animals are cared for but By the end of the day I can't even vacuum I'm so wiped out.

    My free time is spent researching construction and building codes and taking bids for materials as well as drawing up estimate sheets and construction budgets to make sure I stay on budget. Add in that I am dealing with issues from a car accident, head aches depression, and anxiety, partly due to things that have occurred in the past, I just feel like I can't keep up. I feel so isolated, and I get so lonely. Its times like this that makes me wish I had a spouse to lean on. I have friends to talk to, and they have been great, but to have someone physically here, to hold and lean on... It's odd, normally I am so independent, but there are times having a significant other can be incredibly comforting, especially when everyone else around you is struggling. I am praying for strength to weather this, and recovery for those around me.

    OK Now I am just rambling aimlessly.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2012
  2. 1Teacherchick

    1Teacherchick Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I'm so sorry that things are piling up on you like this! Just reading about it seemed overwhelming. I hope there is some way that you can find someone to talk with. Maybe you could contact a counselor or a good friend who could help you set a priority list. Concentrating on the most urgent things, then letting the rest slide for a while might give you some needed respite. For me that would mean helping the people I love and letting the cleaning go. But, you have your own priorities and needs. I hope you can identify what they are, and clarify what is most important to you. Put your energy into those things, and gently, firmly, put that other stuff out of your mind. My heart is with you!
    [​IMG]
     
  3. Reurra

    Reurra Overrun With Chickens

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    All I can say is: [​IMG]
     
  4. EweSheep

    EweSheep Flock Mistress

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    [​IMG] Looks like you are heading in the right direction!
     
  5. KristyHall

    KristyHall Overrun With Chickens

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    thank you for the hugs. Things have just got worse. Father's heart stopped again, and he and my sisters are sure this will be his last holidays with him.

    I am torn. I promised to spend thanksgiving with him, but the doctors today are sure my step father has lung cancer and he'll be in the hospital over the holidays. I am so torn. I do have a counselor but the problem is I don't have time nor energy to see him at the moment.

    We now have an injured bird, a cat and a dog on medication, the cat is so wild with pain my family can't handle him so I am needed to treat him dayly. I don't know who is going to take care of the animals while I'm gone, even if it is over night.
     
  6. AlexMalix

    AlexMalix Out Of The Brooder

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    Your in my prays, and you know you can alway talk with me anytime. *hugs* I know the feeling of being in that pit that doesn't seem to want o let you out. All you can do is keep climbing even if you fall.
     
  7. MamaRoo

    MamaRoo Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Spend Thanksgiving with Bio-dad, and the weekend with step-dad - he'll probably appreciate more one-on-one time with you.

    Contact the local 4H and see if you can find a responsible high schooler to help with the animal care. Kitty may do better at the vet's office overnight.

    Call your friends, volunteer groups, work friends. See if someone can organize a "barn raising" to come in and get a bunch of the construction work done.

    You need your friends now.
     
  8. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

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    Call your local news channels problem solvers, or community, consumer helper. Each local station should have someone that should be willing to hear your story. Given the holiday season, there maybe people willing to help with all the problems that you are dealing with right now.

    I have seen where large groups of people volunteer to work on building projects like yours. I can tell that you would rather give to other's, and may feel like you don't need any help. But you need help. Think of it as a way for you to give others away to give back another person.

    Sometimes everyone needs help. It can also be a gift we give to others. Allow the good to come into your life, you have a big enough burden at the moment.
     
  9. theoldchick

    theoldchick The Chicken Whisperer

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    S.T.O.P. Simply stop. Take a breath, and take another. Do this. Right now. Look at this page and breathe. Breathe from your lower belly. Deep breaths and exhale slowly. Focus on one sound-any sound-the hum of the fridge or the sound of passing cars. Slow down all those spinning thoughts and tuck them away for a moment. Simply sit and listen to the one sound and focus. Breathe deeply. Exhale slowly.

    I'm not going to tell you to relax because you won't, but focus. Find your center. You are being torn apart by all these issues, and the best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself. Everything is spinning out of control. The family is falling apart. And so are you. You are not responsible for all of your family's problems. You are responsible for your problems.

    Go to your counselor. Yes. Go. You must do this for yourself. Seek help. Don't look away. I know you feel you must take care of your family, but you can't do it alone. You are literally drowning in family turmoil. And just like when you are drowning in water, the moment you focus and stop thrashing about, the water settles and becomes calmer. Finally, you can get your head above water and see the hands reaching toward you.

    Take the first step and reach for help.
     
  10. 3goodeggs

    3goodeggs pays attention sporadically

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    I have never really understood why all of the seams seem to let go at once, but When they do it feels like every cell of your body has demands upon it, and each one is trying to head in a separate direction.
    I think you are handling it better than I did. I ended up a quivering sobbing mess that was afraid to answer the phone.
    There are no answers, but I do believe that the positive energy sent towards you and your family from the people who know and care will help you. I know that just knowing that there were people thinking about me, while I was trying to hold it all together, helped a great deal.
    One day at a time is all you can do. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow.
    I wish I had found the magic wand when I needed it, I would be able to send it to you.

    Please keep us posted, and if you need to talk- we are here.

    And keep in mind that these holidays really are just days, any time you spend with your loved ones is a good day, holiday or not. Prioritize the need.

    ... and this may seem like a strange thing to say, but do not suffer fools right now. Do not allow them to suck any energy from your weary bones. Let the emotional vampires starve.
    We owe them nothing. or better yet, get them to do the vacuuming. turn their tactics back on them. We feel we might lose our 'good girl' points, but as a very wise man asked me, "what can you redeem them for anyway?"

    From your other posts though the years, I read you as strong and independent person who wouldn't take much foolishness from anyone. Don't lose her. Keep her healthy.
    Peace.
     
    1 person likes this.

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