I Just Want Her to be Loved :(

[hollymh]

I'm so sad for my daughter, she isn't sick and is a healthy little girl, but life is already being unfair to her and it breaks my heart... My husband's mom despises me, and I her, but I have a reason to despise her after all the hurtful things she has done and said to me and my husband alike. However, she has taken it to a whole new level, not showing my daughter the same love she has for her "other", "new", "not related to me" grandchild, she treats my daughter indifferently and it breaks my heart. Be as mean to me as your heart may desire, but how can you turn your back on such a wonderful child!? My husband and I adore each other, we get through the mess she creates and we take care of each other, our daughter is amazing, beautiful smart and was created with love and in a strong stable relationship, the "new" grandchild is mothered by a 16-17yr(?) old and my husband's younger brother aged 21, not married or done with school... Yet, it's okay and they can do no wrong, they have been given a car, tons of stuff for the new baby and most hurtful of all support and love for their child, yet my precious daughter was called a mistake and the evil woman dare tell my husband "it was the worst day of my life when you told me Holly was pregnant"... I guess I just needed a vent

my poor baby girl, how do I explain to her that she isn't loved by my husband's mother because she is half of me

I'm not a bad person, I honor my husband and my family and I strive to be the best I can; she just hates me b/c I am the off-spring of a father who is a drug-addict, apparently that makes me a bad person. I just want my daughter to be loved equally.

 

[gumpsgirl]

Sorry you are having to go through this, along with your daughter. My kids have to deal with the same treatment from my own mother. We live a mile up the road from my two sisters and I cannot tell you how many times my kids have seen their grandma drive straight past our house, on the way to my two sisters houses, and not even glance down here. She lives an hour and a half away and my kids are lucky to see her for 20 min. every 4 or 5 months. It's pitiful. All of the other grandparents live out west for my kids (which means they go for years at a time without seeing them) and both my sisters husbands parents are here, so they get plenty of grandparent interaction. It does get frustrating, but I've convinced myself and my DH that in the end, it will be my mom that looses out. I just had to share to let you know that I'm in the same boat, in a sense, with you. Hang in there and enjoy your daughter yourself.

 

[tiffanyh]

Im sorry your going through this-Im sorry for your daughter too. But it seems like this women is toxic. Maybe its better that she doesnt bond with your daughter, because if a women is that immature to tell her son those types of comments, I can only imagine what she would tell or say to your own daughter about you.

I think the best thing you can do is give your daughter the emotional tools to get through something like this. Male sure she knows she is love and accepted unconditionally with others, so that she knows and believes it is her Grandmothers loss.

Also, if her relationship is this toxic with you all, does your daughter have to be around her at all?

 

[Boyd]

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[Judy]

I am always surprised when people talk of trying to maintain a relationship with toxic relatives. I simply feel no such obligation. I would explain to my daughter, in age appropriate words, that the woman is not right in her head, when she asks. I would insulate my daughter from someone like this.

 

[Katy]

As a grandmother to 5 kids I can't imagine ever being like that. I agree tho if she's truly that kind of a person your daughter is better off not knowing her.

 

[TT]

We have a similiar issue with my MIL - she spent lots of time and money with my SIL's girls and with her 2 GGDs from one of these girls. She does not and has never showed the attention to our boys. We didn't try to bias the boy's opinions we let them make up their own mind and the 2 older boys are teens and they see how it is. It sucks that she can be that way and claim to be a christian and look down on us (she knows nothing about how we live or what we do and we live in the same town).

She is the one who is losing out on spending time with my wonderful children not to mention her own son.

Just know that you are not alone and that as long as you and your husband are happy and make a happy home for your child/children it is her who is missing out.

 

[PlymouthRocker]

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I agree that if you have spoken to her about her behavior and she hasn't modified her words or actions, you should avoid contact with her. Your obligation to your protect your daughter is much higher than your desire to have a relationship with a toxic person.

I fully expected my inlaws to be part of my daughter's life, but since we set a boundary with them to not insult her or use curse words in front of her, they removed themselves from our life. Unlike your MIL, there is no other grandchildren in the family. She hasn't seen them since she was 3.5, and that is over 4 years ago. In looking through a photo album, she asked, "Who is this?" I was broken-hearted to tell her, "Your grandparents." What's the alternative? To have her ask me again, "Why does Grandpa call me stupid? I'm not stupid?' He won't stop with the verbal abuse and four-letter words. So sad that they would rather be unaccountable for their words than be a part of our sweet girl's life.

I'm sorry your MIL is like this.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

Wow, that is hurtful.

You and your daughter really are better off without her and by moving on with your life and having a blast together both of your lives will be better.

Who on earth wants to be around or have your child be around someone who lets the feel less than valued?

Ignore Grandma and don't bring her to your daughters attention. Your daughter probably doesn't even notice much.

If she does, let her know that she is wonderful and you love her very much. Grandma just doesn't like to come over to your house.

This is bothering you too. Don't let her sap your self worth away. Kick her to the curb! Move on, that is the very best revenge.

 

[Amyable]

We are in a similar situation with my step-MIL. Her and FIL love my son, but I know they give more and spend much more time with her daughters and their kids, because of past family tension. It makes me mad sometimes, but they are losing the time, and my son has many other family members who treat him like a prince.

Do not feel bad about keeping your daughter from a terrible woman like that. It would only cause pain and create hurtful memories. Maybe in time she will come to her senses and on hands and knees begging to know her granddaughter.