I miss him...

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by kargo, Jan 24, 2010.

  1. kargo

    kargo Chillin' With My Peeps

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    So, a lot of you guys know that my dad died last year. January 14, 2009. He had been sick with cancer for a while, and we knew it was coming. I'll start with the story of that night.

    I had gone to school that day. I got home at about 6ish. My dad's hospital bed that we got from hospice was set up in the living room. I was soon told that I would be staying with my grandmother that night. it came time for me to leave, and they offered me a chance to talk with him alone for a little while. I declined. I did want to, but I just couldn't imagine sitting there, saying what could be my last words to my dying father who looekd so different than what I could have ever imagined a parent, a big, strong father could. It wasn't that I didn't love him....it was a lot of things. Another thing was that I had the feeling they'd all stand outside the room and listen to me and start blubbering. So as I walked out the door, I called out, "Bye, Daddy! I love you!" to my sleeping father. I went off to my grandmother's house, finished my homework, and began writing. (I love to write.) When it was time for bed, I went to bed. Simple enough.

    The next morning, when I woke up, I knew he was gone. Partly from the way the voices downstairs in the kitchen were hushed, from the way the sun shown in my eyes, the way I had not been woken up for school, from the smell of breakfast....I don't know. I just knew. My mom told me when I came downstairs and I really didn'[t say much. Just hugged her.

    To be honest I still ahven't done much crying. I can't really. My mom will get more upset and then things will get worse.

    Now, for tonight's story. I went to see the movie The Lovely Bones, which I enjoyed. AJ Michalka is in it. I am a huge fan of Aly & AJ, and seeing her made me wonder what my father would think of them now. He thought they were great, talented, and fully suported bringing me to a few concerts, buying CDs, reading their Myspace blogs with me from time to time... he was a music kind of guy and appreciated anybody with any real talent. Now I've been thinking about some of the little things we used to do together, and it just hit me for the 100th time that we can't ever do anything again. All that stuff is in the past, and I can't bring him back. Don't get me wrong. My mom losing her job and my dad dying in the same year were bad enough, but I know I could have it a lot worse. Take the folks in Haiti, for example. I'm not trying to sound selfish and pitiful and all that, but I sure do miss him...most of the kids I know still have their fathers to hug and all of that...
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2010
  2. Cindiloohoo

    Cindiloohoo Quiet as a Church Mouse

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    You still have your daddy too..just in a different way, but he's with you. Bless you. Keep the memories close, and you do not have to cry, but it's okay if you do. [​IMG]
     
  3. MagsC

    MagsC Queen Of Clueless

    Jul 27, 2008
    Minnesota
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  4. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    You've been through alot kiddo..and i'm so sorry. [​IMG]
     
  5. rodriguezpoultry

    rodriguezpoultry Langshan Lover

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    You're not being selfish...you're doing what is healthy. It's only been a year. It doesn't make it any easier, but eventually, you somewhat remember to exclude them, as though they are on a very long trip. That's the only way I've been able to deal with my mom's passing.

    I chose a trip, because I know at the end of my trip, I'll see all of them again.

    I wanted to add a hug...don't care about what other people see or hear...they are not you. You have to heal before you can help them.

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2010
  6. Intheswamp

    Intheswamp Chillin' With My Peeps

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    God bless you, kargo. Just remember to do what you do to the best of your abilities, the way I think your father would want you to do them. You are part of him and don't ever forget that. Your life is a testimony to his and with the love that I sense is there you will live a good life. There's nothing wrong with crying, sometimes we do have to pick our time and place if it causes confusion for others, but there's nothing wrong with it in itself. Over time healing will happen. Though you will always miss your father the pain of his absence will decrease and his memory will be sweet medicine to you. I know it's been a year, but it will take time. I sense that there is much love between you and your father, that is so very good. Have patience, kargo, it will truly get better.

    [​IMG]

    In Christian Love,
    Ed
     
  7. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

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    I lost my dad on January 13th, 2008, one year and a day before you lost yours.

    It leaves a hole in your heart.

    Remember the good times you had with him and don't worry about what you are missing because it just can't be.

    The other thing to know is that his spirit lives. In the spirit world he is aware of you and your trials and challenges.

    That spirit link will always be there, don't ever forget that.


    [​IMG]
     
  8. Slinkytoys

    Slinkytoys Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Everyone grieves differently. You might be like me, I tend to miss people the longer they are gone. When my father died, I was okay with it. It's been 5+ years and I miss him more now than I did right when he died. I try to remember that we don't really know what happens when we die, but now he knows. My great grandmother and I were a lot alike, she knew about my curiosity.....she was the first one to remind me that our departed loved ones know something that we don't. I find it to be comforting......perhaps you will too.
    Slinky
     
  9. CoyoteMagic

    CoyoteMagic RIP ?-2014

    Don't be afraid to talk to your Dad. I believe that he can still hear you and is watching over you.

    You say, "To be honest I still ahven't done much crying. I can't really. My mom will get more upset and then things will get worse." Do you guys ever talk about him? Maybe she's afraid to because she doesn't want to upset you. Maybe looking at some pictures of ya'll will get a conversation going.

    I admit it, I am blessed. Both of my parents are still here even though they are nearly 80. I call and talk to them at least once a week and see them a couple times a year (they live in NJ, I'm in NC) Some folks don't know what they have until it's gone
     
  10. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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