1. If this is your first time on BYC, we suggest you start with one of these three options:
    Raising Chickens Chicken Coops Join BYC
    If you're already a member of our community, click here to login & click here to learn what's new!

I need a little relationship advise

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Razadia, Dec 19, 2011.

  1. Razadia

    Razadia The Odd One

    2,752
    253
    246
    Apr 7, 2011
    Montgomery, Alabama
    As most of you know, I just came out of an almost two year relationship that ended in a really bad break up about a week ago. I have a really good friend that's been there for me through most of my rough spots in said relationship. I even dated him during a month and a half break from my now ex. My friend and I had a mutual break up that ended in us staying friends with absolutely no awkwardness. I didn't lose touch with him and he's been a great help and listened to me when I needed it. Aside from my family he was the first one to welcome me home. Last Wednesday he stopped by to check on me and to ask me if I wanted to hang out. I didn't really want to leave the house in case I started crying again, but he convinced me that sitting around watching bad horror movies with him was better than sitting at home hiding from my family and crying.

    I ended up crying anyway, but he was there for me. He told me it was better to get it out and over with than to bottle it up and end up snapping at everyone around me. He got me to laugh for the rest of the night. I told him I needed to be home before 10pm so I wouldn't be locked out of the house and he got me home early. It's about 30 mins between my house and his. He drove all that way to check on me and make me feel better. I've hung out with him several times since then and I always have fun with him.

    Then yesterday happened. He asked if we could have a second chance when I feel like I'm ready for another relationship. I really like him. I can talk about my chickens with him and he'll ask me questions about them. The first thing he does when I talk to him is ask how my chickens are doing because he knows they mean a lot to me. He doesn't just sit and listen to me rant, he gets in on it and asks me about whatever is wrong. He's funny, smart, and is always there when I need someone to talk to. Even though he wants to try again, he's not pushy and he wants me to take my time and not rush into things. He told me to take my time and he's not looking for anyone else until he has my answer.

    I know for a fact that I want to see where we can go this time. The only thing standing in the way this time is my break up. But how much time is enough? I fell like I'm ready to move on now and I know for a fact that I'm not going back into my previous relationship ever again, but I don't want my friend to think that he's a rebound or anything like that, because he's not. I do plan to talk to him about it, to let him know how I feel. I just don't want to hurt him by some weird stroke of bad luck. He's an extremely understanding person, but I don't want to take any chances with him. He's 25 and I'm about to turn 22 in little over a month, but that honestly doesn't matter. He has a pretty good paying job as a piercer and he's about to get promoted to a management position at the tattoo shop.... but I don't care about money. He's one of the weirdest looking guys I know (as far as my mom is concerned), but he is by far one of the sweetest.

    Unlike with my last relationship he wouldn't ask me to give up anything I love. In fact he encourages all my weirdness and it's one of many things he loves about me. He would never poke fun at my love for piercings because most of his are far stranger than mine and it's what he does for a living. He loves coming out and seeing my pets and he loves hearing about my "chicken plans". I just have no idea when I should stop waiting to "heal" and go after him before I lose my second chance with him. He's told me several times that he's not going anywhere, but I just don't want to take that chance.

    Sorry for the long post. Some times I just can't seem to figure things out on my own. [​IMG]
     
  2. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Sounds to me like the guy is a keeper. I would encourage building up that friendship even more while you heal from your break-up. There is no set time period for recovering from a break-up, only YOU will know when you are ready. [​IMG]
     
  3. NovaAman

    NovaAman Overrun With Chickens

    After a 2 yr relationship... I think they say you need a few months of emotional healing before you pop into another... Give it a few months, then give it a go.
     
  4. Razadia

    Razadia The Odd One

    2,752
    253
    246
    Apr 7, 2011
    Montgomery, Alabama
    Quote:He is definitely a keeper. I'm trying to talk him into hanging out with me and my brother to see how that goes.

    ETA- He has met my family before, they just don't seem to remember him by anything but his piercings. [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2011
  5. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:He is definitely a keeper. I'm trying to talk him into hanging out with me and my brother to see how that goes.

    ETA- He has met my family before, they just don't seem to remember him by anything but his piercings. [​IMG]

    The older generation tends to do that. Encourage them to see the person, not the holes in his face/ears. Remind your parents that each generation is unique and the older generation ALWAYS hates the trends of the younger one.
     
  6. SunnyDawn

    SunnyDawn Sun Lovin' Lizard

    7,863
    23
    288
    Sep 12, 2009
    Nor Cal
    Sounds like the smart thing to do. Spend time with him and your brother together. You sound like you do need more time or you wouldn't be asking the question. The question wouldn't be there if you were sure you were ready. He's not pushing you why should you push yourself? There are never any guarantees in love that someone won't get hurt but since the rewards are so great we humans keep taking the chance anyway. You can't stress that he may get hurt, that's the chance we all take in relationships. There is nothing wrong with taking your time and having fun with your very good friend in the meantime.

    A great friendship is a wonderful basis for a relationship. My DH and I have been married for 12 years and I was very sure when I met him that all I wanted was a friend. I knew he wanted more and almost broke up with him because I was afraid of hurting him when I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship. He was very patient and waited and I am very glad he did. Cut yourself some slack and relax.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2011
  7. Razadia

    Razadia The Odd One

    2,752
    253
    246
    Apr 7, 2011
    Montgomery, Alabama
    Quote:He is definitely a keeper. I'm trying to talk him into hanging out with me and my brother to see how that goes.

    ETA- He has met my family before, they just don't seem to remember him by anything but his piercings. [​IMG]

    The older generation tends to do that. Encourage them to see the person, not the holes in his face/ears. Remind your parents that each generation is unique and the older generation ALWAYS hates the trends of the younger one.

    My parents are just happy he lives in the same state and that he has a job. [​IMG]
     
  8. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:The older generation tends to do that. Encourage them to see the person, not the holes in his face/ears. Remind your parents that each generation is unique and the older generation ALWAYS hates the trends of the younger one.

    My parents are just happy he lives in the same state and that he has a job. [​IMG]

    If you spend a little time letting him show his real self to them, things will go better in the end. I am a parent, but not THAT parent. I choose to accept who my son brings home, and if bells go off, I tend to find real and tangible things I disagree with that make sense. Not just a gut feeling. NOW he listens to me! LOL!
     
  9. Razadia

    Razadia The Odd One

    2,752
    253
    246
    Apr 7, 2011
    Montgomery, Alabama
    Quote:My parents are just happy he lives in the same state and that he has a job. [​IMG]

    If you spend a little time letting him show his real self to them, things will go better in the end. I am a parent, but not THAT parent. I choose to accept who my son brings home, and if bells go off, I tend to find real and tangible things I disagree with that make sense. Not just a gut feeling. NOW he listens to me! LOL!

    I wish I had listened to my mom 4 years ago, but that's another story. For now I am definitely going to get him to come over and talk with my parents for a bit. He respectful, so that should go well.
     
  10. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    35,112
    121
    458
    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    If you have feelings for this guy, then go for it.
    There is no set amount of time you have to wait between relationships... in fact what has always hepled me to move on from an ex is to find another victim to occupy my mind.. [​IMG]
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by