You may or may not have noticed all my posts here lately. If not, in summary, I am NOT having a good time at ALL with this last batch of Cornish X. Now I have one in the younger batch on her way out (no idea what's wrong, but I've done what I can- she kind of acts like they did before with the Niacin deficiency, but different, and just doesn't seem to be recovering), and I have one in the older (5 week old) batch with a purple comb. And that latter one has me SOOOO frustrated. I limit their food, rationing it from about 2 weeks ala the chart from Welp. I've NEVER had a broiler flip before. And of course it happens now, when I'm at my whits end with these $)%($* chickens. And I don't normally process my own chickens- I take them to a pro. I'm okay with that. I did one from my last batch just because it was something I felt I should be able to do. I wanted to actually do the whole batch (only 10 that time) but the first one was so traumatic for both me and the chicken that I didn't want to repeat it. I botched the kill horribly, the chicken fell and dislocated a wing before I finally grabbed it, had my poor 4 year old daughter hold the feet, and slit the throat. Night. Mare. I don't get attached to my animals (not the meaties, anyway). It's not THAT kind of emotion that gets me. I'm normally a very practical person. The last time I was so prepared- I had my table for gutting, my scalder just right, a wheel barrow full of wood shavings to catch the blood, a trash can for the feathers and guts, a good sharp knife. But when the moment comes I have a mini panic attack. I get light headed and shaky. I know with the last one I hesitated and didn't cut far enough the first (or second) time due to my freaked out shaky-ness. I don't really know what I'm asking- Separation from the chickens isn't my issue. I have no attachments at all to these broilers. And it's not like it's an ethical issue for me. I of course want the kill to be as humane as possible, but I know that this chicken has had a better life and death than any factory chicken. It's a very primal, nearly uncontrollable reaction that I have, and I don't know how to get past it.