I wish I could remember

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Tala, May 25, 2010.

  1. Tala

    Tala Flock Mistress

    why I got married.

    Why do people get married???
    I seem to have "lost" whatever it was that we used to have [​IMG]
  2. mylittlechickpea

    mylittlechickpea Songster

    May 2, 2010
    Honolulu, Hawaii
  3. TwistedSerpent

    TwistedSerpent Songster

    Apr 28, 2010
    Perhaps its time to find it again? Best place to start is yourself, take care of yourself and things will either fall into place or make themselves known to you. Too many people neglect themselves and it reflects upon everything else in their life. Best way to see how things actually stand in life and the world around you is to have your feet firmly planted on the ground to ensure you're looking in the right direction. Its impossible to comment about anything else without knowing the details of course, which is none of our business unless you you offer them to us, but otherwise take comfort that we are all here for you and remember that yourself comes first before anything else can happen. Also nothing works better then just talking, there's a good chance he is feeling the same way. I have found in order to get what I want and need I need to give it equally.
  4. SillyChicken

    SillyChicken Crowing 8 Years

    Jan 12, 2010
    Quote:Well said!

    Although, I know exacty where Tala is comming from!
    Last edited: May 26, 2010
  5. key west chick

    key west chick Songster

    May 31, 2008
    Gainesville, GA
    We lost it also. After nearly 17 years of marriage, we realized there was a problem and we are looking for ways to fix it. So far so good. We are trying to spend more "us" time, something we had stopped doing. Good luck.
  6. I've been with DH for 11 years (Yeesh that makes me feel old), anyway, we haven't lost 'IT' though so many of our friends have. We still find each other ridiculously attractive (which is odd, since I'm chubby, and don't feel nearly as 'HOT' as DH thinks I am, while he is most certainly Naked on a Billboard hot...), anyway, it is really easy to grow apart from one another if you don't make 'reconnecting' a large priority.. not meaning 'physical reconnecting' necessarily, but spending time thinking about each other, talking, doing things together... Maybe you can take a dancing class together, or a cooking class, or go on a weekend away, just the 2 of you. Life is so hectic, that unless we stop and focus on the things that are important, they can get a little bit forgotten. I hope you guys find 'it' and you can remember why you got married in the first place! [​IMG]
  7. I knew a couple once that were in this boat... she was all for sticking it out, it was him that figured "I'm not in love anymore so it's time to move on' n'mind what it'll do to my diabetic son... sorry, touchy subject...

    ANYWHO I asked him "Do you love her?"


    "Still attracted"

    Looks at me like I'm insane and say "Of course" (she's a really cute blonde)

    Well then you've got what it takes if you WANT to make it work. More than you had the first time you met since then all you had was attraction. Now you have mutual respect, love, and a son you both love. It's up to you whether you think your marriage, your friendship, and your son are worth fighting for or not.

    I mean really, what the heck else was I going to say to the goob? But, I do agree with what I said. Donno what the results are, lost contact. Hmmm.
  8. chixie

    chixie Songster

    Apr 6, 2009
    kountze texas
    I hve been married almost 19 years. I love my husband dearly. I just didn't realize how much util he had to have quadruple bypass surgery. we get to feeling that way and always seem to get out of it. we do try to spend time alone and we have date nights alot.
  9. Katy

    Katy Flock Mistress

    I've been married for going on 37 years and we've been together 37+ years.

    We got married because we loved each other and wanted to be together and raise a family. Things do change over time...youthful lust doesn't hang around forever [​IMG] but I still love him...probably more than I did back then even.....and would marry him all over again in a heartbeat. We farm and ranch together so we are together pretty much 24/7/365. We have a lot in common and have worked towards a common goal all these years.

    Marriage is work and takes each partner giving 100% to it....none of this 50-50 stuff....to make it work and last.
  10. Tala

    Tala Flock Mistress

    I love him plenty, and he says that he loves me. I understand that the "lust" doesn't last forever.

    What we are up against is opposite work schedules and almost zero communication. The lack of communication could kill any relationship. I feel like mine is slowly starving to death.
    The real problem? I don't think it bothers DH very much that we don't ever talk. [​IMG]

    Every day I go to work work, eat alone, come home to an empty house (or sleeping husband, depending on the time I get off) play on the computer or do chores alone, and then sleep alone. I feel like I'm living the single life all over again, except that I'm not allowed to be dating and I still happen to be benefitting from a second paycheck.

    We farm and ranch together so we are together pretty much 24/7/365. We have a lot in common and have worked towards a common goal all these years.

    We are never together. It seems like the things that we used to enjoy to do together he doesn't want to do anymore. I almost feel like I got conned, like he just pretended to like to do the things that I liked.
    I also wonder if he even has any goals. Right now seems like we are just existing, just getting by today, no real goal in mind. This bothers me, I want to know what we should be working towards!!!

    If I bring up the communication problems, he always goes defensive on me all "I can't help it that I work nights, I need to find another job, but you know how that goes" ...... he certainly doesn't seem willing to put out any work to make this thing work. We need to talk about it that's for sure, but I can't seem to make any progress so I'm frustrated!!!!​

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