I'm mad and sad at the same time. Should I be?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by gritsar, Nov 27, 2011.

  1. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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    Background: One of my older half sisters lives in the same town in Florida that my dad (her stepdad) does. Sister used to live in Miami but her house and place of employment were both destroyed during Hurricane Andrew so she moved to this other town where my parents were living (my mom has since passed away). Sister is raising her two grandsons, both of whom have major mental health issues. She belongs to a group of grandparents raising their grandchildren and most of her moral support comes from them; also her church. When we visited Dad earlier this year sister came over every single day. She tried to be coy about it, but she borrowed money from Dad each time; $20 here, $50 there, etc. I later learned from Dad that this has been going on for years. Dad lives on his own and is very active; needing only occasional help.

    Sister often makes comments on facebook about how hard a life she has raising her GSs and helping my dad out. She also mentions frequently that she made a promise to our mom to help dad out after mom passed away. For reasons too long to get into here, I doubt that mom ever asked that of her. Sister has the whole martyr thing down pat.

    The other day my sister made a comment on FB about how alone she was for the thanksgiving holiday (my Dad spent the holiday with his girlfriend) and how she was glad to have her church meal to go to. Her GD, who lives in Texas, said something like "Grandma, you should move here to Texas so you won't be alone on holidays". My sister made her standard reply that she couldn't move away from her town because of her promise to my mom, yada, yada, yada. On one of the previous occasions where sister posted about how hard she has it looking out for dad, I suggested to her on her post that perhaps I should ask dad to come out here for a visit. She quickly retracted her statement.

    I wanted to post if she would help me convince my dad to move out here with us she could move anywhere she wanted to, but restrained myself.

    Today sister posted on FB about how she enjoyed proving my dad wrong about something this morning. Apparently dad got his medications mixed up and thought the mail order pharmacy he used had made a mistake. After my sister's friends finished cyber hugging her and telling her how bad they feel for her (that she has such burdens on her shoulders), sis posted again saying that dad was still confused about it and wanted to have the last word. To me it seemed like she was really making fun of my dad.

    I have brooded on this all day. At first I was really tempted to call dad and try once again to talk him into moving out here. I know he never will because all his large network of friends are there, also he wouldn't be able to tolerate our cold winters. Dad is in excellent health for 89 years old, but he does have a lifelong respiratory issue.

    Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. I posted on sister's post "We can only hope that someone has alot of patience with us when we get to be Dad's age, IF we get to be Dad's age".

    Was I right to make that comment?
     
  2. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

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    Yep, just checked and sister is once again back pedaling and saying she really doesn't mind having to help him. [​IMG]
     
  3. kimisfishing

    kimisfishing Chillin' With My Peeps

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    yes yes yes.
    your feelings are yours and you have a right to them and you can voice them when you need You did a good job of being nice about it, I would not have LOL.
    then you did right, maybe she will get the point if you continue to comment
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2011
  4. sonew123

    sonew123 Poultry Snuggie

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    I'm not a tongue biter in my family..If my sister was mooching $ from our father like that I would have posted something like this.." Sis-I'm sorry dad is such a burden on your life..you deserve to live your life..I just assumed with the money dad loans you 2-3x a week that it helped with the burdens??" Maybe we should use that money and get him a home helath care nurse this way you can go travel and visit whomever you would like-even holiday's...love your sis xoxoxx <3

    I'd be furious !!! [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2011
  5. kimisfishing

    kimisfishing Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:THIS IS GREAT !!!! I would not hve been so nice.
     
  6. TinyChickenLady

    TinyChickenLady Chillin' With My Peeps

    Quote:I wouldn't have been that nice either LoL
    You had the right and did it very tastefully [​IMG]
     
  7. jerseygirl1

    jerseygirl1 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Yes, you came out looking like a champ, too
    I myself would have responded like the witch that I am known to be
    [​IMG]
     
  8. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks &amp; Impys - OH MY!

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    Quote:That was my natural inclination, but I try to be nice for my dad's sake. He's a peacemaker and gets distressed if we don't all get along.

    Honestly, I moved to the other side of the Mississippi to get away from my bio. family and all their meddling in my life. I keep in touch via facebook because that's how I get info. about what's going on in my dad's life. Once my dad has gone to his reward I intend to keep a promise to myself and cut the ties with my bio. family completely.
     
  9. coloradochick

    coloradochick Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Yep Gritty, I'd of let her have it! Called her out on it but not on facebook. Over the phone. Facebook is a trouble causing vehicle in my opinion. I get REALLY tired of the walking on eggshells with my family routine. If I remember right, you've posted about this sister before. Let her know you've got her number and knock her down a few pegs. Again, JMO

    et delete Something I wrote on here was misunderstood by others and wasn't meant to be offensive. Apologies [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2011
  10. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks &amp; Impys - OH MY!

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    Quote:I'm venting about it here because I have friends here that don't mind lending an ear (eye? [​IMG] ). If I call sister on it she will go straight to my dad, warping the story so I will again be the bad guy, as I have been made to feel all my life. I don't really care if they want me to be the bad guy; my dad knows where I stand. However, I don't want my dad troubled with sibling problems. My siblings just can't get past the fact that I am his child, they are his stepchildren.
     

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