In-Law Drama Update

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by anbhean, Aug 5, 2010.

  1. anbhean

    anbhean Chirping

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    So a few months ago I posted about my insane MIL who has been a constant nightmare for years, her recent antics that lead to me saying "no more" and my husband FINALLY standing up to her and telling her she either needs to get mental help or not be around us... I have been really proud of him because she has run the nutball gambit of reactions since my husband finally stood up to her. She started by blaming me and letting him "off the hook". When that didn't fly she lashed out and threw some choice accusations out there. When that didn't work it was a month of silent treatment in conjunction with sending him emails with "nothing is wrong" jokes and family updates in an attempt to con him into dropping it and then she cc's to him on correspondence between his cousin and her about how much she wants the cousin to be her close family and is like a son. I'm pretty sure the last was a very childish attempt on my MIL part to egg my husband into letting her off the hook and begging her to be nice to him again.

    When ALL this didn't work she went bananas, wrote my husband a nasty gram telling him she wasn't his mother anymore and she wasn't going to let him control her, or tell her how to interact with her own grandchildren. Followed a day later by a blatant attempt to cover her nasty gram by telling him she was soooo sorry and she was wrong and he was the most wonderful son and father and a way better husband than I deserved and blah blah blah. I called it her "Here bumblebee, here's some smoke to blow up your rear. Now calm down and let me act anyway I want" email.

    Long story short, she has YET to acknowledge any of the grievances my husband has brought up, taken NO responsibility for any of her hateful action in the past and flat out told him that she will not change. My husband so far is pretty mad and sticking with his guns... BUT... I'm seven and a half months pregnant and the closer I get to my due date, the more pressure my FIL is putting on my husband to "drop the whole thing" so that my MIL can see the baby when he is born (the baby my MIL has taken NO interest in up until now). And in the last week my husband has been pretty darn snarfy with me especially about the baby. So I know it's eating at him. My FIL is visiting (without my MIL) this Saturday and I know the guilt is going to be heavy and I know my husband is already dreading it and more than likely, it's going to become a fight when I won't budge because I will not have his crazy, psychopath mother around our kids or baby until she gets mental help.

    Any suggestions on how to handle it if my FIL makes a point of bringing it up with me? I mean I can't very well call his wife a lunatic. Even though she is. And he refuses to acknowledge her insane behavior. So... what can you say in a situation like that?
     

  2. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

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    I would be gone that day... [​IMG]
     
  3. elijahboy

    elijahboy Songster

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    go visit a friend get your nails done get your hair cut walk around the grocery store even
     
  4. keedokes

    keedokes Songster

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    I would agree with the above posters except that with you gone your FIL will lean heavily and hard on your husband. From experience I know it's a lot harder to say 'no' in person than on the phone or via email. You definitely need to be there to make sure both you and your husband stay strong.

    As far as what to say or how to deal with FIL? When you discover the magic formula, PLEASE let me know. [​IMG] (Sorry, I know that's not much help.)
     
  5. Catstar68

    Catstar68 Songster

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    I say call it as you see it. I doubt your FIL is totally ignorant of his wife's insanity.
    Honesty is the best policy.
    I wouldn't disappear and let FIL guilt your DH into making promises that you'll have to keep! Speak to DH beforehand and tell him how you feel, agree to a plan and stick to it with a united front.
    Good luck! [​IMG]
     
  6. Camelot Farms

    Camelot Farms Chickenista

    My FIL knows that if he wants to continue to have contact with DH and DD then we dont talk about MIL and he doesnt pressure us or he will be in the same boat as MIL.
    It wasnt easy to do but self preservation eventually brings out the protector in you and do what you have to do for your own sanity.
     
  7. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

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    redhen; I like the suggestion.
     

  8. sonew123

    sonew123 Poultry Snuggie

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    Quote:100% agree let your DH handle his dad-your preggers and dont need anymore added stress-I remember what a ding dong your MIL is -IM humble O stick to your guns-she's mental!
     
  9. justbugged

    justbugged Head of the Night Crew for WA State

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    I might consider writing a letter to your FiL. I would clearly state, without drama, the reasons for doing what you are, and what would have to change in order for you to change your reactions to the behavior that keeps happening.

    It is harder to get drawn into name calling and drama via the written word. I would do this even if you don't send or give the letter to your FiL. it will be a written letter that your DH and you can read when you are feeling the pressure. I would keep a copy of it, if you do send it. I would work with your DH on writing the letter so that you are both in agreement about the things that you want changed. This also will give you a little time to think it over and perfect the letter, so that will not reflect the anger as much as simple truthful statements. (This is what you did. This what you do. And this is what will have to change.)

    For your FiL and DH this has been normal for so long that of course they are going to try and appease the dragon. The trick is not become a dragon also. Don't send it e-mail either, it will not have the same impact as a letter that arrives in the mail box.
     
  10. herfrds

    herfrds Songster

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    When my inlaws were pulling that sort of stuff on my DH we set up a system of eye motions. We would look each other in the eye and one of us would look towards the door and then look back. In laws quit the harrassment because everytime they started it we left.

    Do not leave your hubby alone with your FIL. When the FIL starts in laying a guilt trip ask your hubby to help you in the kitchen and both leave the room.
    Give him a hug and a kiss. depending upon his mood say nothing. Just show him your support.
     

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