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That's my family... right down to the comment about Outlaws.
There are plenty of folks who are totally willing to take you as you are. And the definition of a gentleman or lady is one who cares about the well being of those around you... if someone's only servings at a dinner they specifically invited you to will make you ill then they are NOT ladies... basically don't give a crap about you. Not just on a social level... snubs happen all the time, but these people are willing to go beyond social and into threatening you and yours health.... that is just not cool. If you'd just shown up, or demanded entrance that would be different... but they bullied, begged and/or guilted you into being there therefor the courtesy, the obligation to accomodate is on them. That's just my personal opinion. But if I had asked someone to be my guest I would do my best to provide refreshment that wouldn't harm them... at the least. Honestly I'd try to provide something they actually liked, but again, that's just me. That, to me, is basic courtesy. Caring about those that you invite to your home. Someone who cannot manage basic courtesy is NOT an example I want for my kiddos you know? N'mind someone that would purposely try and do them harm.
I agree that for a small gathering, lots of individual consideration should go into selecting foos that the guests will enjoy. Since this was a large gathering, I do not think that really applies in the same manner. For example, my father just celebrated his 90th. One of the cakes was chocolate, and there were chocolate chip cookies. I dislike both, but would not have dreamed that my dislike should have dictated that they be excluded. For all we know the cake at party the OP attended was selected because it was the birthday girl's request or favourite, or maybe it is a family tradition. Really don't know enough to say anything for sure except that there are a number of scenarios that could fit. Since the OP is not particularly close to her dh's extended family, they may not have realized that there was an allergy issue, or the very real danger of nut allergies.
I think the best thing the OP can do is simply take more control over attending events with this portion of the family, limit the amount of time spent, the specific hours (so that she isn't driving home at a time that is unsafe), and maybe even take food or drinks that she and the kids can eat. Maybe try inviting them to visit so that she has better control over the entire situation.
That's my family... right down to the comment about Outlaws.
There are plenty of folks who are totally willing to take you as you are. And the definition of a gentleman or lady is one who cares about the well being of those around you... if someone's only servings at a dinner they specifically invited you to will make you ill then they are NOT ladies... basically don't give a crap about you. Not just on a social level... snubs happen all the time, but these people are willing to go beyond social and into threatening you and yours health.... that is just not cool. If you'd just shown up, or demanded entrance that would be different... but they bullied, begged and/or guilted you into being there therefor the courtesy, the obligation to accomodate is on them. That's just my personal opinion. But if I had asked someone to be my guest I would do my best to provide refreshment that wouldn't harm them... at the least. Honestly I'd try to provide something they actually liked, but again, that's just me. That, to me, is basic courtesy. Caring about those that you invite to your home. Someone who cannot manage basic courtesy is NOT an example I want for my kiddos you know? N'mind someone that would purposely try and do them harm.
I agree that for a small gathering, lots of individual consideration should go into selecting foos that the guests will enjoy. Since this was a large gathering, I do not think that really applies in the same manner. For example, my father just celebrated his 90th. One of the cakes was chocolate, and there were chocolate chip cookies. I dislike both, but would not have dreamed that my dislike should have dictated that they be excluded. For all we know the cake at party the OP attended was selected because it was the birthday girl's request or favourite, or maybe it is a family tradition. Really don't know enough to say anything for sure except that there are a number of scenarios that could fit. Since the OP is not particularly close to her dh's extended family, they may not have realized that there was an allergy issue, or the very real danger of nut allergies.
I think the best thing the OP can do is simply take more control over attending events with this portion of the family, limit the amount of time spent, the specific hours (so that she isn't driving home at a time that is unsafe), and maybe even take food or drinks that she and the kids can eat. Maybe try inviting them to visit so that she has better control over the entire situation.
