1. If this is your first time on BYC, we suggest you start with one of these three options:
    Raising Chickens Chicken Coops Join BYC
    Not a member yet? join BYC here & then introduce yourself in our community forum here.

Is there a gracious way to deal with surprise houseguests?

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Rosalind, Dec 18, 2008.

  1. Rosalind

    Rosalind Songster

    Mar 25, 2007
    Thought some of you might have a good idea about this:

    We have a big old farmhouse, and we like to throw parties and entertain. Of course, we love having guests when we invite the guests. When we agree on a time and date. When it's only for a few days or so, and when our work schedules allow. When I have time to clean the house and stock the fridge and make some plans for entertainment.

    Lately we've been getting "surprise" houseguests. That is, someone decides they would love to visit the Boston area, and decides they will stay with us. When they inform us (inform, not ask) of their plans to enjoy our hospitality, if we are busy, we say, "I'm sorry, we already have plans and we are going to be busy that week/month. Maybe some other time, or we'll see you at (future holiday)." We hang up the phone, thinking, okay, that seemed to go well. Then, they simply show up in our driveway, or occasionally march through the door, and expect that we are going to drop everything to host them. They don't stay just a day or two, either, it's always several days or a week or longer.

    I can handle this, once in a while. Not a big deal. But this fall, it's been literally every other week. We tell someone, we're busy, and then they show up anyway. It got to the point where I told a relative, "sorry, I can't host because I don't have time to clean and I'm working late all that week" and she showed up, let herself in through the back door, and started hosing my (antique, expensive) woodwork down with Formula 409. Then stayed four days, two of which were the two days my husband had off work for a holiday. I only see my husband for a whole day about five days per year, due to conflicting work schedules, so I was pretty angry about losing two of 'em.

    Is there something else I can say/do? We've already banned one friend for taking advantage after being told DH was in ill health and unable to host. I hate to be out-and-out rude, I'm hoping someone else has an idea?
  2. RickiHupp

    RickiHupp Songster

    Sep 24, 2008
    Newark, Ohio
    Wellllllll, do what I do

    Hide and dont answer the door [​IMG] [​IMG]
  3. Wildsky

    Wildsky Wild Egg!

    Oct 13, 2007
    Wow, all I can say is WOW - for people to totally ignore what you have said... [​IMG] now THATS rude, I don't think you can say anything that would be RUDER! (is that a word?)
  4. MissPrissy

    MissPrissy Crowing Premium Member

    May 7, 2007
    Forks, Virginia
    Make sure your doors are locked and no one knows where the key is.

    You have to be very frank and meet them at your door with "I am sorry but here is the number to XZY hotel. I am sure you will be comfortable there."

    If people did this to me someone would walk away missing a limb - most likely the one I ripped off and beat them about the head and shoulders with.

    Inconsiderate is mild for those types of people.
  5. Rosalind

    Rosalind Songster

    Mar 25, 2007
    I don't think you can say anything that would be RUDER!

    What I said to the ex-friend who showed up with his girlfriend after being told DH was too ill to entertain...I cannot print it here, it was not family-friendly. Well, that and a red haze of absolute rage descended over my vision, so I don't even recall some of it...

    ETA: Miss Prissy, I think my problem is just that I am gobsmacked by the whole situation. Literally, I come home from work, I go in the kitchen to get a cuppa, and all of a sudden the dogs bark and the door I just walked through is opening and someone's walking in dragging a suitcase. That, and the wailing from my other relatives would just never end. If I sent my cousin to a hotel, I'd never hear the end of "I can't believe you sent YOUR OWN COUSIN to a hotel! You're a rotten granddaughter/niece/fourth cousin twice removed!" On the plus side, being disowned might cut down on the surprise visitors, sooooo...​
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2008
  6. Chicken Boo

    Chicken Boo Songster

    Jul 16, 2008
    Glenn Dale, MD
    Hand them a list of local hotels and say thanks for stopping by. Maybe we can have dinner before you leave town. When you are not home, actually LOCK the doors and windows and do not give anyone who might do this a key (or let them know which of your neighbors has the emergency key).

    I understand emergencies and special occasions, but what you are describing is rude and behavior reserved for only the best of friends and relatives.
  7. Don

    Don Songster

    Jul 15, 2008
    Oil City, PA
    If they called prior and you told them no and they STILL showed up, I would inform them that they have to go. "I'm sorry but I told you that we can't do that right now, you'll have to go elsewhere." If they play the guilt-trip card, you should play the you-did-it-to-yourself card back and trump them.

    If they simply show up, "We can't host anyone right now. I wish you would have called, I could have told you over the phone." But we came all this way! "Indeed, perhaps the local hotel wont need reservations either."

    You can be you without feeling a sense of abandonment towards them. It's your life ... you don't owe them explainations ... you're not being rude, they are.

    "I'm sorry but I must ask you to leave, this was not preplanned."

    I'm unsure of your faith ... but if it's appropriate there is a book called 'No More Christian Nice Guy' that may help.

    Peace and Grace to you this Christmas season!

  8. buckeye lady

    buckeye lady Songster

    Sep 29, 2008
    Rootstown Ohio
    Get 2 doberman. Nobody ever drops by to see us. If that doesn't work add a pit bull and your in laws won't bring their obnoxious kids over anymore.
  9. Don

    Don Songster

    Jul 15, 2008
    Oil City, PA
    Quote:Agreed!!! [​IMG]
  10. NoelTate

    NoelTate Songster

    Apr 8, 2008
    Mobile, AL
    Become nudists. They'll stop showing up really fast! lol

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by: