Is there a gracious way to deal with surprise houseguests?

[Rosalind]

 

[Teach97]

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I likes that idea!!!

The worst part is that the person that was cleaning your woodwork proabably thought they were doing a good thing and helping out!

My mother does things like that...love her but can only visit for abot htree days and then we both want to hurt someone! My oldest sister likes to make large plans for the entire family without consulting anyone around her schedule and then when she springs it on us two weeks before it is planned to happen she gets all hiney hurt when we say sorry we have plans.

 

[joebryant]

If a friend or relative showed up uninvited with a suitcase in hand, I'd probably be so surprised that I wouldn't know what to say. I'd probably let them in. Then I'd find out what was going on. Unless they had some kind of emergency, I'd ask them what they thought they were doing, make it clear that that is not allowed, send them on their way to wherever (their problem), and if I never saw them again, that'd be fine.
I have relatives who'd do this if they thought they could, but for the last 30 years they know they can't.

 

[line-rat]

I know of a couple in florida that have a two suitcases in the closet by the front door. With a few clothes packed inside. When someone shows up uninvited. They pull out the suitcases and say sorry we where just leaveing. tell the uninvited guests how sorry they are but maybe next time. Then they go get in the car and leave for the day. People soon learn first.
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[chickenpiedpiper]

Boy are you in a tough spot....

However, I think the problem might be simple (but hard) communication. You started out by saying that you love to host, and have people stay, EXCEPT WHEN..... Well all the exceptions that you list are not things that a guest would normally be able to see at first glance.... It sounds to me that you have put yourself out as an exceptional martha stewart type host. You have become known as a safe and welcoming haven, possibly by your own unwitting design! Sometimes in the simple enjoyment of our own homes, we tend to open them a bit too much!

Sadly in these days, most people have forgotten the simple ettiquette niceties that would prevent your situation! Sounds to me like you have made such a 'gracious' impression on people, that they hear your polite refusals as those fake refusals that it is ok to ignore. My suggestion would be to examine the wording of your responses. instead of a polite smiling 'Oh no, that is not a good week for us' Maybe try a firm, Oh, Im sorry but I have to ask you to not plan on staying with us that week. You do not have to offer an explanation, in fact it probably muddies the waters cause they will begin thinking, oh we wont be in the way. A simple 'No please dont plan on staying here that week' gets the point across politely.

Saddly your efforts to be a good host have succeeded, and now you are gonna have to earn a new reputation. (sorry) Also, your proximity to Boston makes it worse, as they are using you to save themselves money! We all know what lodging costs these days!

I dont know if any of this helps, It is all just my humble opinion, and I hope helps to shed some light. Oh and maybe some locked doors would help with the unbelievable person who let themselves in...... Oh my that would not have been well recieved in my world.... But I have BIG dogs that prevent it

Good Luck, I will be watching to see how it goes for you! Keep us updated!

 

[annmarie]

Tear up the guest bedroom, tell them you're remodeling and have a very special marble flooring on order from Italy and you just found out it's going to take at least 6 months before it comes in. This can be dragged on for a good year or so before the next remodeling delay can be used. After that, start casually asking family members and friends at parties if they know of any good solutions to bed bugs. (Now please go over to my family issues question and help me!

)

 

[camjac]

You cannot spend your life trying to please others, it just ends up making you miserable. I have learned the hard way that the nicer you are to some the more they take advantage of your kindness. Do not be rude but plainly state the facts...."we are not set up for company at this time. Please give us a call while you are in town and we will see if maybe we can meet you for dinner one night." To those who you cannot stand,

!

 

[line-rat]

I know of a couple in florida that have a two suitcases in the closet by the front door. With a few clothes packed inside. When someone shows up uninvited. They pull out the suitcases and say sorry we where just leaveing. tell the uninvited guests how sorry they are but maybe next time. Then they go get in the car and leave for the day. People soon learn to call first.

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[KellyHM]

My MIL likes to do this...she also likes to "clean" while she's here. Last time she decided to dust my chandelier and pulled it OUT OF THE CEILING!!! I had to really really try hard not to explode.

ETA: After she pulled it out of the ceiling she said "did you know this was loose?" It was NOT loose until you started yanking on it!!!

 

[seismic wonder2]

"I'm sorry, but I have to leave on personal business. If you had listened when you called you would have known this before showing up un announced. Sorry, I have to get going."

Hop in the car and drive off.

"I told you on the phone I can't have guests right now. Here is the address of the local hotel. Maybe next time arrangements could be made in advance."

"We only get two day a year to ourselves we need a little 'privacy' wink wink nudge nudge"

"*cough* coming down with something, can't cope with visitors, glad you stopped by, sorry, b-by." close the door.

"Can't stay here, remodeling"

Rude people don't deserve respect, and they won't listen to the truth. Just don't let them in, you won't be able to get rid of them!