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is this ridiculous, or am I expecting too much? long RANT!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by arabookworm, Nov 11, 2009.

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  1. arabookworm

    arabookworm Songster

    Oct 27, 2008
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Hi guys

    so anyone on here who has seen a pic of me knows that I wear a headscarf. I understand that this is unusual in the US, and that people are curious and ask questions, but at some point, the questions get ridiculous. for example:

    Do you shower with that on?
    If you're never allowed to take it off, then how do you wear a different one every day?
    when you get married, will you have to wear it around your husband?

    now, when little kids ask me, I understand. I answer them nicely. but most of these people are in high school and above! it is sort of common sense that yes, I do have to take it off in order to change it, and seeing as muslim countries tend to have a high birth rate, obviously those women do not cover up around their husbands, or else there is clearly a whole bunch of immaculate conception going on.

    am I wrong to be a bit irritated by these questions? or am I expecting people to know more than is reasonable?

    and then there is the whole other issue of people assuming that if I am dressed differently, then I am definitely not from here. a few things I would like these people to know:
    1) I do speak english. I promise! and sign language won't help me understand you, cuz I don't speak that.
    2) I was born here, I am a citizen. I am well aware of american customs.
    3) no one forced me to wear a headscarf, and if I were to go out tomorrow without it, I would not become the victim of an honor killing. (If I were to fail my classes, on the other hand, it might be another story)
    4) I think that september 11 was a horrible day, and I am saddened by the deaths of american soldiers in iraq and afghanistan, and it is even harder that I have to see fellow countrymen die, and know that some people who see me, and don't even know me, assume that I am happy about their deaths, that I support terrorists, and that I don't support our troops.
    5) I have trouble talking to strangers, and therefore I have trouble making friends, because I always wonder if someone is judging me, thinking that I am a bad person because of my faith. and this is because of all the times that, in the months after september 11, my family (especially my mother) got yelled at, spit at, cursed at, and threatened, and because shortly after I overheard a phonecall my parents got from friends from another state saying that if they felt that me and my siblings were in danger, they would take us in and protect us.

    basically, I want people to stop assuming that I am not a good american. I want them to stop judging me based on my appearance, and I want everyone who is using the name of my religion to justify committing atrocities to go and actually read about it, and maybe they'll eventually get it through their heads that islam is a religion of peace and that terrorism isn't advancing their cause at all.

    sorry it was so long guys, I just wanted to vent.

  2. WriterofWords

    WriterofWords Has Fainting Chickens

    Dec 25, 2007
    Chaparral, New Mexico
    I'm sorry you are subject to such stupidity and I wish I could tell you it will stop,, it's not going to though. There has not been a period in time where they have agreed to drown stupid people at birth.
  3. rainplace

    rainplace Interstellar Duck Academy

    Quote:I am so very sorry that your family has been treated like they have. I can't even imagine what it must be like. I would have a hard time making friends also, worrying that they would be judging me. I wish there were words I could say that would make up for all the rottenness that is part of the human condition. I can say with certainty though that not everyone is judging you. I am not, nor are most of the people I know. We are horrified to see our fellow Americans acting in a such a manner.

    I wish I could meet you and you could tell me about chickens, and I would tell you about ducks. I would tell you how beautiful I think headscarves are, and maybe you would should me how to wear one.

  4. mom'sfolly

    mom'sfolly Crowing

    Feb 15, 2007
    Austin area, Texas
    I'm sorry you have to go through this. You just can't fix stupid.

    In case of wearing a head scarf, in lots of faiths, not just Islam, people cover their heads. You won't see a devout Sikh man, Amish woman, Orthodox Jewish man or woman, or nun without some type of head covering. Lots of faiths have specific certain garments that must be worn; including undergarments.

    Some people think it is funny to pretend ignorance, or attempt to embarass others by asking stupid questions. Some people don't recognize the difference between public and private either. Most men don't wander around in their underwear in public, but many do in their own homes. What is acceptable in a home is different than in public, and only idiots think differently. Next time ask the offending party if they have ever heard their mother fart or burp, then ask if she would do it in public? Different rules, not so hard to understand. I suspect the church going girls don't wear club wear on Sunday morning either.

    People who ask these questions should know better. They should also have developed manners somewhere along the line....so maybe their moms do burp in public. That may be the only explanation.[​IMG]
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2009
  5. ArizonaNessa

    ArizonaNessa Joyfully Addicted

    Apr 7, 2009
    I too am very sorry. I will say that there are some very disrespectful people in this world. I have a huge curiosity about other cultures, languages, religions and so on. I sometimes will tactfully ask people things about their culture just to better educate myself. I find it incredibly sad how so many people in the United States think that everyone is the same. Maybe some of the people that you have encountered are like myself and they are just curious but they don't think about how they are asking things. I try very hard to think of a very nice way of asking or I just don't ask if it don't feel right. I once had a very long conversation with a lady from India about her mark on her forehead. We ended up being great friends and she taught me so much about everything from the way they cook to the way they worship. I have always been very respectful or at least tried to be very respectful to everyone's beliefs and traditions even though they are very different from my own. [​IMG] I don't think it is wrong to ask but I do think that if you can't ask or comment in a respectful way then maybe you should just look it up on the internet or in a book. Just my two cents there.
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2009
  6. DuckLady

    DuckLady ~~~Administrator~~~BYC Store Support Staff Member

    Jan 11, 2007
    NE Washington State
    When I worked in a grocery store a lady came up and asked if we had gefilte fish. I told her that all we had was on the mark down rack in the back of the store and I would be glad to show her.

    She went off on me calling me ignorant and stupid, just ranting. She finally stopped when she saw the true bewilderment on my face. I asked her to explain why she didn't want it, because I wanted to understand. She calmed down and explained that certain foods are for certain holidays, period and anything not for that holiday was not to be used. (She was Jewish). Then she apologized for being so harsh. And I thanked her for educating me.

    Sometimes people appear ignorant and stupid because they simply don't know or understand....and maybe they want to understand in a sincere attempt to be educated in your beliefs.
  7. babylady4

    babylady4 Mother Goose

    Mar 30, 2009
    Central WI
    Yes those are some stupid questions; I think maybe you should have some kind of similar question to shoot back at them when they ask you something that idiotic. Like, do you shower with your underwear on? Do you change your clothes every day?

    BTW it irritates me that ALL the news stations keep mentioning the faith and ethnic background of the man responsible for what happened at Ft. Hood. Did they do that with the guy who went Postal the next day? Have the mentioned the faith or ethnic background of the serial killer in Ohio? NO!!!

  8. baldie

    baldie Songster

    Sep 25, 2008
    Douglas, MA
    Stupid people ask stupid questions [​IMG]
  9. arabookworm

    arabookworm Songster

    Oct 27, 2008
    Pittsburgh, PA
    thanks guys, I just needed to vent.

    I usually answer the one about how to change it if I can't take it off by saying that I don't actually change it, I just make it change color. if I concentrate really hard, clap once, snap my fingers 3 times, jump and then turn in a circle and shout allahu akbar! I can make it change colors to match my outfit. my religion is just awesome like that [​IMG]
  10. deb1

    deb1 Songster

    Jun 26, 2008
    I feel your pain. My husband is of Jewish descent. His grandparents escaped from Austria a few days before Hitler invaded and a large portion of his family no longer exist.

    At one point my hubby wanted to honor his history by beginning to keep Kosher. He was easing into keeping Kosher by just giving up pork. He wasn't to the point were he separated meat from milk yet or any other rules. He was going slowly.

    Several people asked him what would happen if he ate pork. He explained that nothing would happen to him, he just wanted to express love for his faith and God. There were so many people that simply couldn't grasp that he might do something for God without having to fear that he would be punished if he didn't do it. So he often got pressed to say what was going to happen if he didn't keep kosher.

    It actually made me sad that they couldn't understand doing something out of love.

    I would think that wearing a headscarf would be similar. You are showing your love for God by keeping certain aspects of your faith.

    I think that it is very important to separate out the truly curious who might accidentally ask a silly question because they want to learn about your faith and those who have made a decision that you are strange because you do some things differently then they do.
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2009
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