It must be something in the air.. MEN ARG!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by StrawberryHouseMouse, Apr 17, 2009.

  1. StrawberryHouseMouse

    StrawberryHouseMouse Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 23, 2009
    Cleveland, Tennessee
    My hubby and me are fighting as well lately. We almost split up a few days ago. Ok we did split up.. for like one day. Our bank screwed us over with our loan. Almost made us loose our house. And in the mist of this my hubby was accusing me. Saying it was my fault for not listening to him. Which is a load cause I did listen to him. He then said he was moving back to Kansas if we lost the house and leaving me here. I assumed he ment dumping me. He said thats not what he ment but I still think it was to this day. Think he was just covering his ass after he changed his mind.
    I managed to get our morgage stratened out with the bank so that we could keep the house. And he apologized for going nuts on me. But the hurt is still there. I feel like he might not be relyable if something happened and I needed him to hang in there with me and the kids (2 kids, jade age 7 and aileen age 4).
    A few days passed that we mended and I thought things were getting back to normal when he comes in this morning from work and tells me "Are you sure we should be together?" Where the crap did that come from? I asked him of course and he said "Well you said a lot of mean things to me when we was fighting a few days ago. If you really think those things then why would you want to be with me." and I had to reply with. "I was angry with I said that stuff.. you was telling me you was going to take my daughter from me and move 900 miles away. It got nasty, we both said things we didnt mean." And he says to me "Well they had to come from some where... " and I said "yeah.. from anger.. you were a phsycology major. You should know that. " He seemed to let it go for now but he told me he wasnt putting me on his income taxes any more cause of something I said. ( He was going to leave the $2400 shed we just had built behind and I said I was taking it with me then and he said he paid for it and I said, we paid for it. You used your half of the income taxes on your car and I used the other half on the shed and bills.)
    So now he is all second thinking us being together and he really needs to let things go. Arguments come and go. Its how people work things out. Dont think I really need to explain that to most of you who are acctually mature enough to know that already though.
    Life's just so unpredictable now-a-days. I started training for my GED on the 14th and passed all the prep tests so I will start taking the GED tests on the start of next week. Sure I should have my GED reguardless but I really feel like I need something to fall back on in case he leaves me. My kids diserve to live in a home that has a good paying source of income. And if that means I have to struggle to get some sort of diploma so that I can get a good paying job then so be it. But I wont be stuck relying on a man that doesnt even know if he wants to be with me.
     
  2. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

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    Sevier County, TN
    Right now is a stressful time for anyone who wants to be a provider for their families. Men in particular take such things very hard. Sounds like your family has had a lot of stress lately.

    Maybe marriage counseling from a pastor or counseling service could really help. Where does your hubby work? Do they have an EAP?
     
  3. GivingItAGo

    GivingItAGo Out Of The Brooder

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    I sincerely hope you manage to sort things out.
     
  4. StrawberryHouseMouse

    StrawberryHouseMouse Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 23, 2009
    Cleveland, Tennessee
    He works at a warehouse here in our town. His work isn't that hard. I know cause I use to work there, thats how he got on. I never really thought that he would leave me if we had financial problems. It just seems like thats something you wouldn't leave someone over. He has always been the one that's bad with money. So why would he leave me over it? What did I do to cause him to want to leave? I do everything I'm suppose to do and more. I take care of the house, the kids and him. He just has to go to work and come back home. How does that justify having a reason to leave me?
     
  5. HennysMom

    HennysMom Keeper of the Tiara

    Hang in there honey.... it sounds like you're both under alot of stress. Nearly losing your house can put enough stress on a marriage to break even the best ones in a heart beat. [​IMG]

    Take a breath - count to 10 - dont over think or stay on this arguement you and hubby had too long or it'll just eat you alive. Realize that you both have alot of stress right now. Go for a walk together first - and just dont say anything but "I'm sorry, can we just enjoy each other for a little bit and have our time? I love you." Take it from there. Start it all over again. Dont go backwards - just move forward and begin again and then when you both are ready, sit down and talk, calmly as adults -without the kids around (no name calling or blaming or "well YOU said this to me") - just simply talk to one another and apologize to one another about the way each of you acted. No one person is at fault as it takes 2 to argue. [​IMG] Then deal with the housing situation and bills together. You're doing this the wrong way ... your comment of "He just has to work...its not that hard" OUCH - that is very negative and if you approach him with that.... I mean.. he could say to you "well you JUST have to stay at home and watch the kids...its not that hard" how would you feel with that?

    Counseling is a wonderful idea and if he wont go with you, then you should go alone.

    Hang in there - times are hard right now for everyone....and Congrats to you on passing the tests to get your GED! WTG!

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2009
  6. horsejody

    horsejody Squeaky Wheel

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    Waterloo, Nebraska
    He sounds manipulative. Since he was a Psychology major, he thinks he's good at it. My DH tries similar tactics sometimes. He starts an argument and then tries to turn it around on me. I am a fairly mellow person. When he rants and tries to get me riled, I stay calm and it drives him nuts. Some people thrive on the drama so don't feed the beast. Sometimes people can still love you but are insecure. They figure that if they can push you to do the breaking up that they can think it's not their fault when they would really be much better off working on their relationship. Get your GED and go on to technical school or college. Hold your head high and be able to take care of yourself. When he tries to push you into an argument, don't fall for it. It just makes it worse if you do. Perhaps you could both benefit from counseling, financial and marriage. Good luck. [​IMG]
     
  7. wegotchickens

    wegotchickens DownSouth D'Uccles & Silkies

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    Sevier County, TN
    I think he's just freaking out.
    Maybe he doesn't want to leave so much as just start over.
    Starting over always sounds good when you're in a panic. But the reality is much different.

    Calm down, and take deep breaths.
    Do what you need to do, such as your GED and tending the home and children.
    Try to be patient with him.

    And find someone there you can talk to. Is there a mature family member you both trust?
     
  8. StrawberryHouseMouse

    StrawberryHouseMouse Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 23, 2009
    Cleveland, Tennessee
    I was taking counciling and got him to go to one session. But he stopped going and told me I don't need to go any more myself. I wanted to keep going but bills have been so tight lately that I don't think I can go.
     
  9. horsejody

    horsejody Squeaky Wheel

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    Waterloo, Nebraska
    Many churches offer free counceling if cost is an issue.
     
  10. Poison Ivy

    Poison Ivy Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 2, 2007
    Naples, Florida
    I think you both need to step back and remain calm. Maybe you can have someone watch the kids for a few hours. Then talk this out and be really open and honest with each other.
    Take that time to tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels and take it from there. Tell him it's a new day and new beginning and it will be ok. Tell him you love him and love being in love with him and you want your marriage to work. I hope everything works out for you both.
     

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