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It's gonna be a long summer. *Rant about my jerky uncle*
- Thread starter eenie114
- Start date
I hope this summer goes very fast. Someone an adult in the house needs to lay down the law. These are rules this is the way things are done. He either needs to follow them or find somewhere else to go. I would not put up with it. I have had people stay with me and they follow my rules end of story. It sounds like he does not think you should stand up to him since he is older and an adult. I would not tell him next time he can pick up the mess if its bugging him so much. I would also tell him never to open you bedroom door without knocking. Good luck and I hope things go better for you. I know we can find EM and stir up some evil plot for the summer that should help keep you busy and out of your uncles sight.
- Aug 12, 2009
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I think your uncle is trying to show an adult presence by bossing you girls around.He may be growwn but he doesn't even have a job.What is he doing all summer? Bettering himself.Personally I think that an adult male living as a guest in your home should keep HIS mouth shut,and start doing a heck of a lot around the home to make up for his sponging.You visit for a week ot two.You are sponging after a month You need to talk with your parents again,and have them set ground rules with this man. He should not be allowed to disrespect the children.Even as a renter he would not be able to boss anyone around.Does he even pay rent? I don't understand why a grown man would be staying with a sister/brother for an entire summer unless there was some *project* or plan to be worked on.
If your parents do nothing then you will have to tolerate him. I would not leave the younger child alone with him to ensure he doesn't try to *parent* in a foolish way. All you will be able to do is avoid him this summer and pray he does leave(some don't).If he tells you to clean or do dishes tell him to buck up and do it himself. As a member of the family he should do chores as well not just act like a dictator bossing others around.I had relatives visit for 2-3 weeks and they started helping out a few days into the visit.And they NEVER talked down to my kids.If there was an issue they came to me,and then I would deal with the kids.
Best wishes. And that room looked decent.
If your parents do nothing then you will have to tolerate him. I would not leave the younger child alone with him to ensure he doesn't try to *parent* in a foolish way. All you will be able to do is avoid him this summer and pray he does leave(some don't).If he tells you to clean or do dishes tell him to buck up and do it himself. As a member of the family he should do chores as well not just act like a dictator bossing others around.I had relatives visit for 2-3 weeks and they started helping out a few days into the visit.And they NEVER talked down to my kids.If there was an issue they came to me,and then I would deal with the kids.
Best wishes. And that room looked decent.
- Jul 26, 2010
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I would make very sure you talk to your parents about him opening your bedroom door without asking your permission first, ditto the bathroom door. That can lead to some pretty serious problems.
Is he really in charge of you kids, like a baby sitter?
Did your parents give him that job? Or is he over-stepping his limits of what they have defined for him to do? Your parents should make that VERY CLEAR. They need to sit down with both you and him TOGETHER, speak clearly, and be very, very clear about what his responsibilities are in this situation and what yours are.
In some of the situations, I think you could have been more polite and respectful, even though you don't like him. He is an adult and you do need to respect him. Yes, you even need to be 'decent' to people who are somewhat clueless according to you. You don't have to adore someone to speak politely and in a calm voice to them.
You should not judge him because he has trouble keeping a job or hasn't been there for very long, that is not fair - he can't help that. Forget about what else he has or hasn't done in the past, and make sure you only address the here and now. So he did not know the sister didn't know a word - that is not his fault. Most adults would assume a child had been taught that word.
You should however, tell your parents if he EVER comes in your room (or bathroom when you're in it, or any of the kids, for that matter) without knocking, without making sure you are fully dressed, and that means knocking and asking to come in and making SURE you are dressed and ready to talk to him, and not coming in if you say you are not ready to see him. Don't abuse this right, don't pretend you're indisposed just to avoid talking to him, but that is your right with all adults.
That is ONLY allowed in an emergency - poisoning, choking, someone passes out, a fire or explosion in the house or other very serious matter. It is only ok to do so to deal with the emergency.
I think the problem is that to you he is a guest - an unwelcome one. But it is not really clear if your parents really appointed him baby sitter or not. If they did you have to listen to him.
A lot of times, the situation is not clear. A house guest arrives, and the kids don't like him. The parents might say could you watch the kids for a half hour or so - and it's not clear to the kids what the rules really are.
A lot of times, a house guest can feel like they SHOULD watch the kids, when maybe that isn't what the parents really expect. I don't know about anyone else, but if someone made me their house guest I would try really hard to make myself useful. I would try to watch the kids and I would try to entertain them, do dishes, cleaning, and watching out to make sure the kids didn't get hurt. And of course I would make some mistakes because I don't know the house routine. That's expected.
Is he really in charge of you kids, like a baby sitter?
Did your parents give him that job? Or is he over-stepping his limits of what they have defined for him to do? Your parents should make that VERY CLEAR. They need to sit down with both you and him TOGETHER, speak clearly, and be very, very clear about what his responsibilities are in this situation and what yours are.
In some of the situations, I think you could have been more polite and respectful, even though you don't like him. He is an adult and you do need to respect him. Yes, you even need to be 'decent' to people who are somewhat clueless according to you. You don't have to adore someone to speak politely and in a calm voice to them.
You should not judge him because he has trouble keeping a job or hasn't been there for very long, that is not fair - he can't help that. Forget about what else he has or hasn't done in the past, and make sure you only address the here and now. So he did not know the sister didn't know a word - that is not his fault. Most adults would assume a child had been taught that word.
You should however, tell your parents if he EVER comes in your room (or bathroom when you're in it, or any of the kids, for that matter) without knocking, without making sure you are fully dressed, and that means knocking and asking to come in and making SURE you are dressed and ready to talk to him, and not coming in if you say you are not ready to see him. Don't abuse this right, don't pretend you're indisposed just to avoid talking to him, but that is your right with all adults.
That is ONLY allowed in an emergency - poisoning, choking, someone passes out, a fire or explosion in the house or other very serious matter. It is only ok to do so to deal with the emergency.
I think the problem is that to you he is a guest - an unwelcome one. But it is not really clear if your parents really appointed him baby sitter or not. If they did you have to listen to him.
A lot of times, the situation is not clear. A house guest arrives, and the kids don't like him. The parents might say could you watch the kids for a half hour or so - and it's not clear to the kids what the rules really are.
A lot of times, a house guest can feel like they SHOULD watch the kids, when maybe that isn't what the parents really expect. I don't know about anyone else, but if someone made me their house guest I would try really hard to make myself useful. I would try to watch the kids and I would try to entertain them, do dishes, cleaning, and watching out to make sure the kids didn't get hurt. And of course I would make some mistakes because I don't know the house routine. That's expected.
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Imp: I'm liking this idea... Houdini's no more fond of him than I am, actually.
Mattemma: Sorry, I guess I should have clarified. No, he does not pay rent, he's out here to help us with a garden & farmer's market. What bugs me about that, though, is that he acts like he's doing us this huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge favor, and then turns around and says he's so glad he's out here to be away from my grandparents.
And about the door: Again, should have clarified.
He did knock, actually. He's pretty good about that.
Welsummerchicks: You said I could have been more polite... I assume you're referring to the situation with the baby and the shoebrushes and me raising my voice? Do you have any other ideas of what I could have done? (Not trying to be snarky, I really would like ideas.) Thing is, I wasn't willing to be interrupted so that he could splutter about what an awful big sister I am.
As far as babysitting, he was the adult 'in charge', and I was the 'babysitter'. I had the final word in squabbles, he was there to be the adult who could drive to the ER.
Schellie: Hmmm, yeah, I think this might trump the brownie idea. Where IS Em?
Mattemma: Sorry, I guess I should have clarified. No, he does not pay rent, he's out here to help us with a garden & farmer's market. What bugs me about that, though, is that he acts like he's doing us this huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge favor, and then turns around and says he's so glad he's out here to be away from my grandparents.
And about the door: Again, should have clarified.
Welsummerchicks: You said I could have been more polite... I assume you're referring to the situation with the baby and the shoebrushes and me raising my voice? Do you have any other ideas of what I could have done? (Not trying to be snarky, I really would like ideas.) Thing is, I wasn't willing to be interrupted so that he could splutter about what an awful big sister I am.
As far as babysitting, he was the adult 'in charge', and I was the 'babysitter'. I had the final word in squabbles, he was there to be the adult who could drive to the ER.
Schellie: Hmmm, yeah, I think this might trump the brownie idea. Where IS Em?
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And the reason he can't help out and clean up is? Time for him to get off his lousy attitude and lazy butt or hit the road. I know that I am being judgemental (NO, not Sourland
), but this guy sounds like a leech. Hopefully your parents will soon get their fill of him.
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Don't forget I have minions and they can be really evil, just ask lillie 2202 about the 60 toads on my kitchen floor. I still want to spank her for that one. She is my DD I can do that. Lets go find EM and hatch out an evil plan.
Don't forget I have minions and they can be really evil, just ask lillie 2202 about the 60 toads on my kitchen floor. I still want to spank her for that one. She is my DD I can do that. Lets go find EM and hatch out an evil plan.
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- Jul 26, 2010
- 2,969
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eenie I have to deal with a lot of difficult people at work, and basically what I do is just try not to treat them as if they are adults.
I treat them as if they are bad tempered children, and I don't have permission to swat them one, so I try to sweet talk them into doing what is needed. The first thing I say to myself is 'I am not going to get mad'.
,
Another way to think about it is to remember that landmark scene in 'Star Wars' where Obi Wan Kenobi, the jedi master, says, 'these are not the droids you want', and the soldier says, 'these are not the droids we want'. You kind of try to convince them that doing what you want them to do, really was their idea and not yours.
I don't like to call it 'manipulating'. I like to refer to it as 'keeping the company from going broke'. Or in the case of your house and siblings, trying to keep things from getting too annoying and loud before your parents get home.
By the way, 'he's the adult in charge and I'm the baby sitter' - that's really got an overlap between those two jobs. That sounds like that's a lot of the problem.
A lot of times, a problem happens because each person involved has a totally different point of view about what each of them is supposed to be doing. It's often kind of amazing when you just ask people, each of them, what they think they think each of them, is really supposed to be doing. 'Oh so THAT is the problem!!!' LOL.
I treat them as if they are bad tempered children, and I don't have permission to swat them one, so I try to sweet talk them into doing what is needed. The first thing I say to myself is 'I am not going to get mad'.
,
Another way to think about it is to remember that landmark scene in 'Star Wars' where Obi Wan Kenobi, the jedi master, says, 'these are not the droids you want', and the soldier says, 'these are not the droids we want'. You kind of try to convince them that doing what you want them to do, really was their idea and not yours.
I don't like to call it 'manipulating'. I like to refer to it as 'keeping the company from going broke'. Or in the case of your house and siblings, trying to keep things from getting too annoying and loud before your parents get home.
By the way, 'he's the adult in charge and I'm the baby sitter' - that's really got an overlap between those two jobs. That sounds like that's a lot of the problem.
A lot of times, a problem happens because each person involved has a totally different point of view about what each of them is supposed to be doing. It's often kind of amazing when you just ask people, each of them, what they think they think each of them, is really supposed to be doing. 'Oh so THAT is the problem!!!' LOL.
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Well said!
Well said!
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I totally agree that having an "adult in charge" as well as a "babysitter" is very confusing. Back to sitting down with your parents and both of you there to define roles.
If you were babysitting your sister, then you needed to be where she was so you could keep a close eye on her. I am not quite sure what your uncle took away that was poison? Was it the shoe brushes? It almost sounds like it was.
The fact that your mother has stated that she sees a problem with how he treats you tells me that it definitely needs to be addressed by your parents. He doesn't have to like you, but he must respect you and treat you properly. As has been said, this is YOUR home, and he is a guest.
I totally agree that having an "adult in charge" as well as a "babysitter" is very confusing. Back to sitting down with your parents and both of you there to define roles.
If you were babysitting your sister, then you needed to be where she was so you could keep a close eye on her. I am not quite sure what your uncle took away that was poison? Was it the shoe brushes? It almost sounds like it was.
The fact that your mother has stated that she sees a problem with how he treats you tells me that it definitely needs to be addressed by your parents. He doesn't have to like you, but he must respect you and treat you properly. As has been said, this is YOUR home, and he is a guest.
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