It's like our neighbor with a baby isn't even there.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by lengel, Jul 3, 2010.

  1. lengel

    lengel Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Our new neighbors are about our age and have had their last two children in their 40's. They moved in about a month ago or so. I knew that they were from a town next to ours so clearly just getting a bigger house in a quieter neighborhood. I saw mom and fourth child, a baby, maybe 14 months or so, a couple of times but other than that, they seem to live indoors. Meanwhile, dad and the other three kids are outside all of time. Both parents seem athletic but he's the one hiking down to the river with his kids and hanging out with them outside. A woman who drives a car identical to mom's is there quite a bit and she looks like mom so I'm thinking sister.

    So a month into it, we are waving as we pass by. Dad has opened their fence so that he can use our driveway. That's fine because they don't mind the occasional poultry infraction. Their cat is on our property but not much since one of the turkeys cornered it. We keep an eye out for them mostly because we don't want to hit a kid or the cat with our car and every time we leave, we pass right by their yard so we've had a few interactions and said hello quite a bit. I'm leaving eggs, etc. Neighborly stuff. He stopped me as I was coming back down the drive with the mail today and we chatted. I referred to the family a couple of times but he only talked about himself and referred once to one of the daughters but never to his wife or family. I was going to bring over baked goods early on but never ever saw mom so ended up not and now it seems awkward.

    Is this normal? The people who owned the house before them had a child every 1-2 years and we saw her regularly. This woman is just, well, gone and dad acts like she's not there either. Any ideas on how to approach her later? Just say hi like she hasn't been there for a while? It's weirding me out that I don't even know her name. It's very important that we have a good relationship. There are very few people on our street and I want things to be comfortable.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2010
  2. CoyoteMagic

    CoyoteMagic RIP ?-2014

    People just aren't like they were when we were growing up. I've lived here 5 years and have never been in one of my neighbors houses. I try to be friendly, take eggs, veggies, etc.

    One couple is really nice. He has helped my husband do a few things on his car and installed a new hot water heater for us. Tried to give him some money but all he would take was a dozen eggs.

    Neighbor right next door is in her pool all the time. Has asked me over just 1time! They feed my chickens organic canned veggies as treat because they know I'm particular about what they eat.

    Mr. Don and Miss Betty up the road, I only know because we went to the yard next to them and got a bunch of wood and wire when the neighbors moved out. Place was horrid. We we cleaned it up to make it look better for them as we were getting stuff we wanted.

    In the neighborhood I grew up in, Mrs. Corson lives next door has been for nearly 45years. The Davidows lived on the otherside until they both passed. Robinsons still live around the corner, so does Mary Ann and Kenny. Agee/Rink live up toward the cemetray as do the Balards. Suttons did until they all passed. Atkinsons live across the street. Always have. Bob lived in MomomPangburns house until he and his new wife got a bigger house; now a new couple lives there. Joanne lives down at the corner. Faulvers, Dastafo's and Purdy's live up the other was. I can tell you who live on the next 2 streets over too.

    But not in my own neighborhood
     
  3. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

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    It's summer; and many places, it is hot. I see and speak with my neighbors far less than during milder seasons. Some enighborhoods are open and friendly; some individual people are. Others are not.

    As to knowing her name? Next time you see her go up and introduce yourself; say "Hi, I haven't seen you lately." let it progress from there.
     
  4. lengel

    lengel Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is off. DH's family has had this house for 50 years. I'm not the most social person by a long shot but heck, this is just strange. When I drop off eggs at other people's houses, we chat if they are around even if it's just about strawberries or the mosquito population that year. You know, things of common interest. Oh well. Maybe she'll register the eggs at some point. Or not. Who knows?
     
  5. lengel

    lengel Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:It's been in the 70's and dry - the perfect summer really.

    Come to think of it, I think I know why I'm concerned. We are establishing a perfectly good rapport with her husband and kids and I'd hate it if she turned out to be a total, well, you know. I'm not good with the not knowing. I like to live in peace. And I'm sorry, but it's bizarre that he doesn't refer to her. The first thing I did was introduce myself and tell him my husband's name. Who doesn't do that?
     
  6. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

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    Well, some people are more open and extroverted, others more introverted, and a lot of men were never taught social skills, or have been taught that speaking of those who are not present is rude. And a lot of people are shy. 20 years ago I would never have gone up to a neighbor and introduced myself. I'd have happily carried on a conversation if they made the initial effort, but much too shy then to make the effort on my own. Now I'm old enough that I've learned that it doesn't matter whether someone else remembers who I am or likes or dislikes me. What matters is what I think about myself. But 20 years ago when I was a young mother?

    Also, if she has a new baby, she is likely dealing with new baby issues, both her health and the child's. A lot of parents prefer to keep a new baby well away from most people for the first month or so.
     
  7. lengel

    lengel Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:Good points, all. But they are in their 40's and their oldest of four children is probably 10. Plus the baby is easily over a year old. You're probably right that it's just her for whatever reason. Unfortunate though considering that there are so few people on our street.
     
  8. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

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    So make the effort to go over and say "hi!" There is nothing that dictates that the neighbors who have been there longest need to make the first moves. Take some eggs or garden veggies or baked goods.
     
  9. duckyfromoz

    duckyfromoz Quackaholic

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    I had a neighbour a few years ago that disapeared once a baby was born. I saw her often to chat to for a few months when they first moved in- then as the pregnancy nearing 9 months I rarely saw her. After the baby was born I saw her twice in 6 months. Once driving out in the car- and the last time was the day they were moving out again. With 4 children she may be run off her feet just dealing with caring for her family and leaving anything outdoors to the husband. You would still expect to see her outside on occassion though...On her way to go shopping...feeding the cat...

    Maybe you could just slip a note in the mailbox...very imperson I know...But invite her to pop over for a coffee and a chat sometime. That way she can ignore it if she feels unable to come over without the face to face embarressment of having to come up with an excuse not to if she so chooses.
     
  10. lengel

    lengel Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:I'm not trying to be stupid here but why would a woman with a baby want someone ringing her doorbell in the middle of the day? I've already talked to her husband so that would be the only time to single her out. I leave eggs on her doorstep so I won't disturb her but it's not a mystery as to who is leaving them. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm making an effort while trying to be considerate.

    Do you think I should push it further?
     

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