It's so hard.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Daddas1Punkin, Jan 10, 2013.

  1. Daddas1Punkin

    Daddas1Punkin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I have a 104 year old great grandma. (AKA Honeyma) She is a very sweet lady, and I love her more than anything. I wake up and plan my day around her. Literally. I would do anything for her. But... She is very hurtful with her words to me. She still has her mind, so NOBODY can blame it on that. It's hard when you love someone so much, and they treat you like that. I know, and understand that she gets frustrated, and angry because she can't do things like she used to, but still... You don't understand how many hours in Dr. offices I spend a week with her and my mom.

    Nov. and Dec. total, probably close to 100 hrs. NO JOKE! It is a long day when she has an appointment. We spent 7 hrs. in the hospital waiting for tests last Friday night and got home at 8:30 pm. Anyway, she is one of the most ungrateful person I have ever met in my life. (& stubborn, and inpatient.) She taught our little dog to lay on her legs when she has her feet up, well, that is causing a lot of problems health wise. She doesn't want her on her legs, but beside her in the chair instead. If the dog starts to get on her legs, she kinda hits the dog's head and yells at her, but at the same time, she's patting her leg. That poor dog is soooooo confused!
    I told Honeyma that she was confusing her. She starts throwing kind of a "hissy fit" and says I always find something that she does wrong. I only tell her something if it is endangering her or and of the animals.

    The other day I was venting how I felt about the Dr. We don't get along, and she always puts me and my mom down for letting my G-ma have her independence, anyway. We were in the car, when she said she wished I wouldn't be like that. (venting my anger) Then she starts crying and saying it's her fault, and I'm just making it worse. Then I said that I WOULD NOT SAY ANYTHING next time. "I DOUBLE DARE YOU!!!!" She shouts! I was furious. I wanted to get out of the car and walk home. But it was way too far of a walk, or I would've. Haha, got her though, I didn't say ONE WORD all day, then she told me to talk and she couldn't stand me not talking!


    I always am a happy-go-lucky kind of person, but she was more serious and would get mad if I joked around even a little. So I become serious and she acts like she can't stand me, and she hates it that I try to get to the point. What does she want from me?!?

    She is "Daddy's little angle", when my dad comes home, she'll be going off at me and ranting on and on, then he walks in and it's like somebody hit a switch. ANGLE! UGH! Makes me mad cause he's never seen the way she acts or treats me, then he doesn't believe me when I tell him these things. No one knows how many nights I've gone to sleep crying.

    She also tells people that she doesn't get their call because I "ALWAYS" have her phone. I NEVER USE IT! She pays for her service, I'm not going to use it and waste her $! She also makes fun of me all the time. I have sinus problems, so my nose is often stuffy. She tells everyone that she doesn't hear a word she says, and that I talk like a duck! She always goes "MWHAT?" making fun of my stuffy nose.

    She also will do something unsafe and I will tell her to be careful, and she'll come to my mom and start crying and say she should just go to an "OLD FOLKS" home, cause I'm "bossy" and " try to be the one in charge". I found though, if she starts putting on the little crying act, I'll just say, "Stop!" and walk out. It kinda shocks her, because I'm always respectful of her. But she needs to hear it. And worst of all, my mom's in the middle of a tug of war, I'm begging her to stick up for me and say something, but she has to be respectful of her grandmother. It's just a really hard situation.

    Sorry for the long rant. I need to get it off my chest. Thanks guys!
     
  2. Chick_In_The_Burbs

    Chick_In_The_Burbs Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Hey, I get it. My Grandma came to live with us when I was four or five after she had a stroke. I loved her and she was always sweet to me, but i heard a fair bit (bad soundproofing). She had been raised by nuns, traveled everywhere and was used to being Very Independent. She didn't have the nice mean switch like your grandma but more of a universal overflow valve. On bad days everyone caught it, including the lady Dad hired to help clean the house once a month. She was also a hoarder and there were some big spats over us cleaning out her stash old food and tossing trash every 6 months or year or so. She eventually had to admit she couldn't cook anymore (burned herself fairly bad once and almost burned down the house making toast). I remember when Dad tried to sell the house we couldn't figure out why we weren't getting any offers. Then we found out she was telling everyone who came through that Dad was going to stick her in an old folks home and abandon her if he sold the place. By that point we couldn't really take her with us when the open houses and stuff went on because she had such high oxygen requirements she could have run out before she could come back. Thing is, my Dad and stepMom had both told her they just wanted to move to a rambler so she wouldn't be stuck away from us so much but she didn't believe them.

    :confused:g:

    No one is perfect, not you, not her. When my stepMom would get too fed up to deal anymore with someone she would write a letter. No blame, just a 'this is how you are making me feel and why' letter. She couldn't do that with Grandma (she couldn't read very well anymore, the stroke messed up how her brain saw the letters) but it seemed to help a lot with others. Maybe try that? That way you can say exactly what you want to say without her emotions prodding you to say something you don't fully mean or that is unhelpful if temporarily satisfying.
     
  3. calicokat

    calicokat Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 2, 2009
    azalia, indiana
    Oh man, you really are going through it!

    Is there any way to record her interaction with you, without her knowing? Maybe on your phone or camera with a video setting? This would help your dad see what it is like, and if someone thinks it's appropriate, maybe dad can show gr'ma. Although, frankly, at her age, she's not going to be changing any time soon [​IMG]

    You may just have to find some coping strategies, something that tunes her out a little (or a lot, LOL) so you can maintain some level of harmony in your life. Your a good person, and don't let her cause you to question that, ok? [​IMG]
     
  4. cassie

    cassie Overrun With Chickens

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    This may or may not help. I have spent a lot of time in hospitals, nursing homes, and doctors' waiting rooms with one friend or relative or another. I have found needlework to be a great time passer and stress reliever. I either knit or do embroidery. I have several afghans and shawls I completed this way. The work keeps my hands and mind occupied, and is more productive than stewing or chewing my nails. The latter is what I would be doing if my hands and mind were not busy. It also keeps me calm and makes it easier for me to ignore unkind words.
     
  5. Daddas1Punkin

    Daddas1Punkin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Well, yesterday, I heard something that I shouldn't have. I was very happy, and I was going to play a card game with her and her friends at a retirement home. I walked out of the elevator, getting ready to help her down to the 2nd. floor, and I heard my name so I listened. "I just always wish that Elysia had a 'mute button' on her mouth!" She was telling her hair dresser and everyone up there! When I walked in her hair dresser, said "Oh... She was talking about you..." and I just nodded my head, but didn't say a word. I know I talk a lot, but that's just my personality. That's how God made me. My heart sank, and so did my trust in her. It has made me pretty depressed and I haven't eaten since last night about 5:30. I know, that's not healthy, but I can't help it. I would throw up if I did eat anything. What else (personal, and private) that I have shared with her, does everyone know? I feel like I can't tell her anything that is important. I just can't trust her. I usually tell my mom everything, but I didn't even feel like telling her. 7 or 8 hours later, she finally got it out of me. She was SOOOOOOO mad, and she's going to tell my g-ma off today. I cried myself to sleep last night, and I just don't feel like doing anything today. My good friend is taking me to a craft store, owned by another friend of ours later, hopefully to get my mind off of it? Ugh, I just don't understand! I try to be nothing but nice to her! Why does she do this to me?!? [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
  6. Daddas1Punkin

    Daddas1Punkin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    She can't really read either. That's a good idea though. Wow, I'm glad someone understands! [​IMG]Sorry you went through that!
    Yea, we though about that, recording. I think I might try it. I listen to music all the time. Music has meaning to me, and just calms me. I'm listening to the radio right now. Yea, i need a LOT of tuning out. Thank you, I know that I try to be a good person. Thank you so much!
    Yea, my poor nails look like they went through world war 3! lol, I will try that! Thank you!



    Thanks everyone for listening! I love you all!!!
    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
  7. FarmerBetty

    FarmerBetty Out Of The Brooder

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    Hey, daddas1punkin,

    Just curious- how old are you? Not being "smart" or anything, just wondering. It must be really hard to deal with that.

    I had an aunt (my grandmas sister) that was just cruel. She had quite a bit of money and rubbed it in everyone's face ALL the time. She loved my sister but was meaner than satan with a hangover to me!!!

    As a final "slap" in the face, she left the majority of her money to my sister and left me a crappy 10,000! (Out of million +/-). I know that sounds ungrateful but the only reason she did that was to push my buttons one last time. Well played. I haven't talked to my idiot sister in over a year now because of years and years of animosity. Some people think I am being childish, but come on! I wouldn't let a friend talk or act the way my sister does towards me, so bye-bye.

    She's family- not an excuse to let someone treat you like crap!

    Take care Hun!
    Kelly
     
  8. Daddas1Punkin

    Daddas1Punkin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I sent you a p.m. but yes I am kinda young. I still live at home. Wow. I don't blame you. I know people tell me to not take it personally, but after a while of hearing it 24/7, you loose it. Thanks Kelly. [​IMG]
     
  9. FarmerBetty

    FarmerBetty Out Of The Brooder

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    Been there and know the feeling it sucks being talked to like that. Just learn from it and vow not to treat others that way. <3
     
  10. Daddas1Punkin

    Daddas1Punkin Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Thanks. I would NEVER treat someone like that. It makes me feel horrible! thanks again. [​IMG]
     

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