Joke-How To Give A Cat A Pill

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Farmer Kitty, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. Farmer Kitty

    Farmer Kitty Flock Mistress

    Sep 18, 2007
    Wisconsin
    This joke was sent to me by my SIL. I thought it very funny and yes, I have had to give a cat a pill. Hope you enjoy! [​IMG]

    How To Give A Cat A Pill


    1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10 . Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call fire department to retrieve the d**n cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little b*****d's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm an d removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15 Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from h**l and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


    How To Give A Dog A Pill

    1. Wrap it in bacon.

    2. Toss it in the air.
     
  2. mom'sfolly

    mom'sfolly Overrun With Chickens

    5,024
    66
    308
    Feb 15, 2007
    Austin area, Texas
    I think I broke something laughing!!!! [​IMG]
     
  3. HenHappy

    HenHappy Chillin' With My Peeps

    809
    5
    161
    Feb 16, 2007
    on my way to you....
    That was fantastic!!! I am having trouble breathing I am laughing so hard!!! What an excellent post!!! THANK YOU!!![​IMG]
     
  4. Farmer Kitty

    Farmer Kitty Flock Mistress

    Sep 18, 2007
    Wisconsin
    mom'sfolly :

    I think I broke something laughing!!!! [​IMG]

    Hope you recover quickly! [​IMG]
     
  5. Hope0491

    Hope0491 Chillin' With My Peeps

    490
    0
    149
    Jan 30, 2007
    VA/PA
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] !!!!!!!!!! HOLY COW THAT WAS FUNNY!!! That brings back SO many memories!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!

    I loved it! Thank you!

    ~Lacey
     
  6. PurpleChicken

    PurpleChicken Tolerated.....Mostly

    11,744
    16
    321
    Apr 6, 2007
    Iceland
    That joke is offensive. How can you possibly post this on a
    chicken forum. Poor kitty.

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  7. ilovemychickies

    ilovemychickies Chillin' With My Peeps

    LOL! [​IMG]
     
  8. Farmer Kitty

    Farmer Kitty Flock Mistress

    Sep 18, 2007
    Wisconsin
    Quote:This from a guy who bites chickens? PC-have some fun. Find a cat and try giving it a pill. Of course, I guess you could always have Drumstick get it tangled in the hair on your back and then he can give the cat it's pill. [​IMG]
     
  9. countryboy

    countryboy Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 31, 2007
    that was great, we just been lazy and grabbing the cat by the tail and popping that sucker in there.
     
  10. PurpleChicken

    PurpleChicken Tolerated.....Mostly

    11,744
    16
    321
    Apr 6, 2007
    Iceland
    Quote:This from a guy who bites chickens? PC-have some fun. Find a cat and try giving it a pill. Of course, I guess you could always have Drumstick get it tangled in the hair on your back and then he can give the cat it's pill. [​IMG]

    If we got a cat it wouldn't last long. The silkies would kill it and I would cook it.

    Now the real way to give a cat a pill is to duct tape it to a piece of plywood and
    shoot the pill down it's throat with a pellet gun.

    and I don't have a hairy back. [​IMG]
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by