Well it's been months since I have had a moment or felt well enough to sit and type. Last time I was here I was sick with an unknown cause. Couldnt sit for an extended time, was in pain through out my entire abdomen and lower back. Was seeing specialist after specialist.. after specialist with no answer. And my work was not helping the stress level. Well... I went on short term disability, and had a "fun" time getting that from work. Spent more time looking for answers. Went to Boston to see another doctor, who gave me hope that was quickly snatched away. And I have temporarily stopped trying to feel better and be pain free. Reason? I ran out of savings, got tired of not getting anywhere and being told it was in my head and decided that there was no way I was going back to work for the place that had sucked my soul out of my body for the last year and a half. I ended up in the er via ambulance one day in August... been in pain since Feb. After they drugged me up they sent me on my way" Cant find anything that could be causing you pain" as usual. On my short term dis papers my PCP had put "all tests coming back clear at this time" At that time I had had a MRI, CT scan, colonoscopy, Several womans doctors visits... been told hernia,ibs,etc etc.. all which turned out not to be. After being released from the er the last time I had my dh drive me to the PCPs office. I stood there with bandages on my arms from IVs and looking quite burnt out until they called and got me an appt with the surgeon for that next day. Same surgeon I saw a few years ago. Nice guy. I walk in and give him the run down. Get to " PCP states all the tests have come back clear" He looks at me and says "No" Pulls out his IPAD and brings up ct scan images from a month before. Points and says "This is your gall bladder. Those are stones." flips somce more pages "That is your spleen, that is a golf ball sized cyst" Some more.. "That is your uterus... it really shouldnt be shaped like that" "Your tests have not come back clear" He took me off the percosets, put me on high dose non narcotic pain relieve and weaned me down on that as well over time. My PCP never informed me of any of this. NEVER. She ordered them and then never gave me the results. And now I have to wait to do anything about any of the above issues... ie gallstone, etc .. because....I found a new job!! I did a lot of soul searching.. of what soul I had left after working for the last place for a year and a half. Decided I was NOT going back to A) crying on the way home. B)steeling myself into going in every morning. C) abuse and more abuse. I got two weeks short term disability out of them. And they wanted my doctors records! Against HIPAA. that they were always on us to follow to the t. I am now working 15 minutes from home. 10 minutes from the barn I keep my horse at. For a smaller company. Doing much less stressful-although different- work. More data entry and shipping stuff, no sales. No getting screamed at by customers and/or bosses!!! And it pays 8 grand more a year! This is the second job that i have found on craigslist,, on a whim. And just like the first job I found on that site.. I LOVE this job. I love my co workers. I love the work. I love the company. I love going to work. We are in our busy season right now, til the end of December. But there isnt that DO IT NOW attitude.. it's more... when it gets done it gets done.. And because of that I am getting there earlier in my day and worked last Sunday for three hours, that I wont get paid for since I am salary here. I can wear jeans, t's and sneakers. Shorts in the summer. Heck sweat pants if I needed. Not that I would. Within my firs month of being there we had a snow storm that knocked out power for a lot of people. The owners never lost power, but offered their generators to me and the other workers if we needed them. My furnace is toast.. we have had no heat. (New furnace is supposed to be installed tomorrow!) The owners, and coworkers have offered extra space heaters, blankets and even beds to me and mine. I started mid October. No one at my previous job would have ever done that. Heck, the plumbers we are using.. were sent out by a co worker. .. who told me that I could pay her back over time if they had been able to fix our old furnace. Since I had no money to do that. Being closer to home,horse and not working for "satan" has improved my life in so many ways. Rhett has pulled something in his back and is off. But I can now get to him in the morning if I need to. And hang with him at night.. and massage his back. I get home earlier so I can eat dinner earlier and hang out with my daughter and husband. I smile now. A LOT Playing catch up with the bills stinks. But we'll get there. A month behind is nothing compared to what other people are dealing with. I am lucky. I have dealt with a lot this last year. I have worked my tail off. And I am finally seeing a light.