Just need to semi-vent.. Update Post #36

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Momagain1, Jul 21, 2011.

  1. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Songster

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    I raised my now 20 yr old dd...without my ex husbands help...did I do perfect? HECK NO..but I did the best I could..w/the things I had and the way I knew how...

    during the time she was an infant, I was homeless, lived in an abuse shelter...had no money, no car, no things to raise her really...and no help from him..

    Then I met (again) My now husband...who was a friend of mine where I worked when i was a teenager...he was the mgr of the restaurant and hired me the
    second I walked in, crying, baby in tow...he and my friends that were still there, helped me watch her during my shifts...That was God working there!

    we ended up marrying, Brian adopted her and we terminated my exs' parental rights.

    he owes over $75,000 in back ordered child support.

    He has never seen her except when we were married and she was born...then again for about 2 wks when she was 11 months old...
    he has sent her ONE christmas present in 20 yrs...no b'day presents.

    a few letters...explaining "why" he wasnt around..(IE: Your mom is involved in your life --uh..duh she's 4! lol)(or he was in "jail")...whatever..

    I have NOT badmouthed him to my daughter EVER...she knows she has a biological father who was not here and she has her 'REAL DADDY" which is
    Brian who helped raise her from about 5 months old..

    Every so often, he'll try to contact me and gripe about child support or want to see Britt (who at this point, does NOT want anything to do w/him)...
    or give me an excuse on WHY he wasnt around during her life...

    so,we have a mutual friend..who contacted me last night and said uh...your ex wants me to do a favor for him..I said yeah...(keeping it light In my mind)...
    he wants me to give you his number and have you contact him...I said why? he said I dont know..maybe he wants to do something with child support?
    I said like what? pay it? hahaaaa...
    he said you'll never know unless youcall...whats 5 min of your life..
    I said 5 min I wont get back...
    he said what if its somethign that will benefit your daughter?
    I said thats right MY daughter...

    so here I am...I KNOW he was thinking that I'd call him ASAP...but I kinda want to NOT call him at all...
    I mean what nerve? she's 20 now..she was homeless, she suffers from a mental illness, he didnt care when I told him years and years
    ago that she was sexually abused at a daycare...where was he a yr and 1/2 ago when she was suicidal??? Now I have her finally
    stable..and she has a part time job and is on her meds and doing better and he wants to come in and what??? help now??
    give excuses again? granted if he chooses to pay money it'll help pay her med bills down I am swamped with..but I doubt it..
    AND he doesnt need to call me to pay the money..he just needs to pay the State of IL and they'll send it to me...

    maybe he can't get his professional license for ANYTHING cause he owes so much $$ in backordered support..GOOD...jackwad...

    anyway..I needed to vent...I'm still not sure if I should call or not..maybe I can call oh...next yr...or in a month...or never...

    Last edited: Jul 22, 2011

  2. ReikiStar

    ReikiStar Songster


    It's completely understandable that you just want him gone. (People like him don't have enough self esteem to move on in their lives, they want the attention creating drama gives them). But you have to make the decision to not call and tell your friend not to pass along any more messages OR you get it over with and call him. All the "what if's" will make you nutty. If you do speak with him, you're clearly ready not to swallow any B.S. from him so what is the harm? What could he possibly say to you to make your life different...better or worse? Don't give him that kind of power. For crying out loud, he's the powerless one here. If you fret over what he'll say or do, the power shifts.

    So tell him to scr*w off once and for all (by not calling), or hear what he has to say and THEN tell him...no. But the more you worry about it, the more you give way too much of your time and energy to that guy.

    Plus, if I were Brian, I wouldn't want to see this guy have that much effect on you. I'd want you to learn to let go of all the crappy feelings towards that guy and move the heck on! Even if you call him...just don't let it make you crazy, it's like you let this guy into your lives when you spend too much time thinking about dealing with him.

    Make a decision. Be strong and happy with your choice and face which ever you choose knowing he can't hurt you or your DD.

  3. sumi

    sumi Égalité Staff Member

    Jun 28, 2011
    Rep of Ireland
    You sound like an amazing, strong person and a good mother. I'm glad you got a second chance when you were young and had a baby and ended up getting a great guy. So make the call, get this guy out of your life, for good. He probably needs something from you, that's why he want to talk to you. So talk to him, tell him to go fly a kite. Kick him out of your thoughts, move on, bury him in the past where he belongs. Sort this out once and for all and look ahead. You obviously don't need this right now.
    Good luck [​IMG]
  4. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    Brian adopted her and we terminated my exs' parental rights.

    Why would you call him?
  5. Okie Amazon

    Okie Amazon Songster

    Mar 22, 2011
    Midwest City
    Why open a door you WANT closed?
  6. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Songster

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    Quote:exactly...I dont need hiim...

    but then I'm thinking..what if he's dying and he wants to see Britt..??

    stupid dumb womanly thoughts here..
  7. Gingerlilypad

    Gingerlilypad In the Brooder

    Jun 20, 2011
    Central Mississippi
    Hun, This is a really hard decision for you. The good thing about telephones is if you call him, you can always hang up. The bad thing is caller ID. He can call you back and harass you. So if you do call him, be sure to block your number.
    When you mentioned living in an abuse shelter, I cringed. I am an advocate for people who are victims of domestic violence. One thing that people who are abuser do is to find ways to upset the victim, even years later. You have your child stable, in spite of his efforts over the years to keep you and her upset. Just ask yourself, do you want to allow him the opportunity to cause upset again?

    My opinion, contact the IL dept. of child support enforcement and give his number to them. As much as he owes in child support, they would be more than happy to call him for you.

  8. Momagain1

    Momagain1 Songster

    Feb 13, 2011
    Central IL
    thanks to all!!

    I really have no one IRL that I can bounce this off of except hubby..who says go ahead and call him ...but with me here...and stay strong..
  9. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    Quote:exactly...I dont need hiim...

    but then I'm thinking..what if he's dying and he wants to see Britt..??

    stupid dumb womanly thoughts here..

    Not stupid and dumb-- just showing far more compassion than he deserves. He has not earned the right to intrude in either your daughter's or your life. Sourland George
  10. newchickgal

    newchickgal Songster

    Nov 17, 2009
    Republic of Panama
    Quote:exactly...I dont need hiim...

    but then I'm thinking..what if he's dying and he wants to see Britt..??

    stupid dumb womanly thoughts here..

    Think what it would do to your daughter, if in fact he was dying and wanted to see her. He shouldn't be giving her anymore burden than he's already given her. Don't waste anymore thoughts on him. Don't let him be taking up any of your mind. He's had his chances (plural) and doesn't care. He sounds very selfish.

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