Letter from Mom ( Redneck joke )

Discussion in 'Games, Jokes, and Fun!' started by bgelber, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. bgelber

    bgelber Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jul 24, 2009
    Athens, al
    Dearest Redneck Son,

    I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Auburn family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address..

    This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

    The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

    About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

    Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

    Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

    Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

    There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

    Your Favorite Aunt,
  2. mullers3acers

    mullers3acers Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 9, 2007
    la porte, In
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
    I am part hill william as daddy calls it.( He got out of the hills of WV in his late teens). But some of these things are not far from the truth.
  3. StupidBird

    StupidBird Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 8, 2009
    here's my contribution:
    very pregnant woman gets in a car accident, is in the hospital in a coma.
    She wakes up weeks later; notices right away she's not pregnant anymore. "doc, doc, did I have my baby? Is it alright?"
    Doc says, sure everything is ok. Your brother in law came and helped out too.
    Drat, she thinks to herself. My brother is a total brain dead red neck.
    "so how is my baby?"
    Doc says, "oh fine, you had twins! Congratulations! And your brother in law even named them for us."
    Fearfully she asks for the names...
    "Well, the girl is named Denise"
    Pretty good, she thinks. Maybe I've been a little harsh...
    "and the boy is named Denephew"
  4. M To The Maxx

    M To The Maxx Baseball+Girls=Life

    Jul 24, 2009
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  5. babymakes6

    babymakes6 Gifted

    Feb 24, 2009
    far west Ohio
    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Do you know how hard it is to solve a redneck murder?


    Everybody has the same DNA, and there are no dental records! [​IMG]
  6. shelleyd2008

    shelleyd2008 the bird is the word

    Sep 14, 2008
    Adair Co., KY
    Quote:[​IMG] That's a good one!
  7. Southernbelle

    Southernbelle Gone Broody

    Mar 17, 2008
    That letter is sooooo funny! [​IMG]
  8. guinea fowl galore

    guinea fowl galore Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 12, 2009
    [​IMG] [​IMG] i couldn't stop laughing.
  9. Junkmanme

    Junkmanme Chillin' With My Peeps

    A young reporter asked a retired old man, "Sir, what do you do with your time now that you've retired? Aren't you bored?

    The "Old Man" replied, "No, I'm never bored. I stay busy all the time around my house and garden. And I'm lucky to have been a Chemical Engineer and I still pursue my interest in Chemistry. Most every day, I work on my project of converting beer, wine, or margaritas into urine."
  10. FLQuailChick

    FLQuailChick Out Of The Brooder

    Sep 17, 2009
    Tampa Bay, FL
    [​IMG] Thanks for the laughs.

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