Letter to My Poultry

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by GracefulBantams, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. GracefulBantams

    GracefulBantams Hatching and Showing

    Oct 10, 2007
    There was a "Letter to Pets" posted here, and I thought it was so funny, I wrote up one just for us poultry owners [​IMG]


    The following was found posted very low on the back door.

    Dear Chickens and Ducks: These wooden boxes are for you to lay your eggs in - no matter how tantalizing the cushions on my porch chair looks.

    This area with the delicious-looking plants has a fence around it for a reason. I will be sure to share the vegetables with you once they are all grown. But, for now, scratching away the dirt from those tiny seeds doesn't do any of us much good.

    This pathway from the gate to the feed bin was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the feed is not the object. I will walk as fast as I humanly can, but regardless, it is only a few yards. Also encircling my feet does not help, because tripping me just makes you wait longer.

    I will not buy anything bigger than your 20 gallon water-er. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue hauling fresh buckets of water down to your coop only to find you still have a full container, but that you just enjoy pecking drips of water off the leak in the pipe.

    Is there such a problem with your heated/air conditioned coop and it's state-of-the-art building and roost? Or, do you really prefer sleeping in the top of that old apple tree.

    For the last time, just because I somehow forgot to close the porch gate, does not mean that you have a personal invitation to make it your new home. And, pecking on the back door to alert me of your stake-out, is really not such a great idea on your part.

    Finally, in fairness, dear birds, I have posted the following message on the front door:


    (1) They live here. You don't.
    (2) If you don't enjoy them crowing and quacking through our conversation, you are better off not stopping by at all.
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, feathery, love to eat the bugs in my garden, lay my breakfast, and don't necessarily speak clearly.

    Remember, my birds are better than your kids because they:
    (1) eat less
    (2) don't ask for money all the time
    (3) are easier to train
    (4) normally come when called
    (5) never ask to drive the car
    (6) don't smoke or drink
    (7) don't want to wear your clothes
    (8) don't have to buy the latest fashions
    (9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college
    and (10) if you don't want grandchildren, you can sell always their kids

  2. fowltemptress

    fowltemptress Frugal Fan Club President

    Jan 20, 2008
    Oh my goodness . . . I love it!
  3. Chickenmaven

    Chickenmaven Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 6, 2009
    Quote:I LOVE this!!!! [​IMG] I sometimes tell my teens that the chickens are easier than they are!
  4. English Chick

    English Chick English Mum

    Jun 27, 2008
    Cheshire UK
    ROFL........that is fantastic! send it to a poultry mag they are sure to publish it....... it rocks!

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